


Mistake

by onedirectioninthetardis



Category: One Direction
Genre: Alternate Universe, Closeted Lirry, F/M, Fluff, I honestly don't know what to fucking tag, Lirry - Freeform, M/M, New York City, Niall's a low-level drug dealer, Smoking, There will be sex, UMMM YEAH, Weed, and a university student, pot, rich bitches
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-01-12 01:46:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 61,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1180449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onedirectioninthetardis/pseuds/onedirectioninthetardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Umm.<br/>Summaries are not my thing... so read below because... AU drug-dealer Niall...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

 

The music blares through the speakers and I clutch onto Jessica’s arm tightly as we make our way through the crowded courtyard. My first inclination is to turn around and find a quiet place to sit, but last night I promised myself I would live my life for once and I can’t change my mind now. Besides, it’s my eighteenth birthday and Jessica seems really excited about going to this show. I know she’s just thrilled at the prospect of being with Louis without parental supervision, but I know they still want me there. Besides, I love the city even though I’ve never really experienced it fully. Maybe it’s the unknown that appeals to me so much. Jessica and I struggle to push through the noisy crowd and I try to focus on not losing her.

Jessica has been my best friend since I can remember. That’s how it is in Old Westbury. The people you grow up with are the people you will know forever. No one really moves into our village. Your family has either lived there for generations or you marry someone who’s family has. No one leaves either. Until dad.

“JESSICA CANTON!”

Our heads turn abruptly to find the owner of the familiar voice. Jessica escapes my grip the second she sees Louis, running enthusiastically into his embrace, almost knocking the beer out of his hand. I’m thankful he isn’t standing front and center, but off to the side of the stage a bit. It’s a little less crowded. Louis is another long-time friend, although we didn’t all start hanging out until we got into high school because he’s older by three years. He was a senior when Jess and I were freshmen, but in a small school like ours, the age gap wasn’t a big deal. Louis and Jessica have been inseparable since then. I can’t complain; they’ve never brought me along and ignored me like a third wheel and I’m very grateful for that. Louis has become the brother I never had and I really enjoyed being with the two of them. Louis notices me standing awkwardly to the side and releases Jessica, walking over to me and hugging me, well squeezing me really.

“Lou...Can’t...Breathe.”

He chuckles and finally lets go, walking back to Jess and snaking his arm around her waist. The bass literally shakes me and I feel like my heart is vibrating into my throat. Finally, it stops and the DJ starts to communicate with the audience. They yell in response and Louis nods for us to walk over toward the bar during the break. While we walk, Louis leaves small kisses on the side of Jessica’s head and I can’t help but to grin at the happy couple.

“Let’s go find Niall.”

My eyes shift to meet Jessica’s as Louis speaks those words and she grins sheepishly at me. I wasn’t informed that anyone was going to be here with us. It’s always just the three of us, unless they went alone. The expression on Jessica’s face told me she kept this information from me on purpose.

“Louis, who’s Niall?”

“ _Someone,_ ” he glares at Jess before continuing, “was supposed to tell you about him.”

“Well, since no one did, care to explain?”

Ever since high school, they’ve played joint matchmaker and it got old really fast. Especially since they were terrible at it. The problem was that in a small town like Old Westbury, I already knew everyone. The few times I listened to them, it backfired. Derek was already dating someone, but waited a couple weeks to tell me. John told the entire Lacrosse team every detail of everything we did. Then, there was Harry. He was exactly who my parents wanted me to end up with, but we had nothing in common. I wasted a year pretending to care about the things he loved: cars, money, and status. We attended all of the galas and balls in Manhattan and all the girls were jealous. Little did they know I just wanted out. He thought that I should have been more proud to be with him. The breaking point was only a few months ago at my graduation. When I told him I wanted to take a break, he looked me dead in the eyes and dared to say the unthinkable, “Any girl here would be lucky to be with me.” That was it for me. Those words ring in my head every time I second guess my decision to leave him. I could care less what he says now; I want nothing to do with him. 

Louis looks at me, eyes shifting to the bar and then back to me.

“Louis, who is he?”

“Just give him a chance. He’s not what you’re used to. He lives here in the city. He-”

Louis stops talking and takes a sip of his beer, looking behind me. Jessica follows his gaze and I know that this mystery man is approaching. I want so badly to turn and see him, but I tense up and continue to stare at Louis and Jessica instead. 

 _Okay, Hannah. Just breathe. Remember, you’re here to have fun. There’s nothing wrong with meeting someone. It’s not like dad can disapprove of anything you do anymore. Mom will understand. Stop talking to yourself and look at him!_  

Before I can turn, a silky voice drowns out the ruckus around us.

“Hey, Louis. Jess. Sorry, I was trying to find my brother.”

He’s Irish. Based on how strong his accent is, I doubt he’s lived in New York long. He walks over and hugs Jessica briefly before turning to face me, his arms crossed apprehensively. He’s... well, he’s _hot_. In a different way. I don’t exactly know how to explain it. His hair is a little unkempt and his blue eyes shine like crystals. He looks delicate like porcelain, but rough and masculine at the same time. His eyes shift nervously as his foot taps to the beat of the music that has started to play again.

“Niall, this is Hannah. Hannah, Niall.”

He forces a grin and extends his hand to me. I take it as I examine his face more. Dimples form on his cheeks, but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. 

“It’s nice to meet you.”

He speaks quietly and I can tell he feels almost as uncomfortable as I do in this environment. He looks like he fits in, but I can tell he’s just putting on a facade. He seems to have fooled everyone, but I notice it right away. Something in his eyes tell me he wants to leave just like I do. I pull my hand away and realize I haven’t said anything back to him.

“Nice to meet you, too. So, you live in the city?”

“Yeah, well not Manhattan. Brooklyn.”

“I’m jealous.”

“Why? Don’t you live in Westbury with these pricks?”

Louis nearly spits his beer out as he snickers. I can tell he’s kidding because he tightens his lips, trying not to laugh at his own joke. I chuckle lightly and try to meet his gaze, but he keeps looking away anxiously.

“Yes, I do and I hate it more than anything.”

“Then leave.”

He says it matter-of-factly, finally restoring eye contact, and I can’t help but to laugh in response. 

“You don’t leave Westbury.”

“Why?”

I feel my blood pressure rise and I feel a bit angry. Not at him. Just in general, though it should be at him. I just met him, why is he asking these prodding questions? Somehow, I know he isn’t trying to come off as rude, but he is. It’s actually... refreshing. My thoughts run wild and I can’t comprehend them. I try to formulate my response, but as I begin to speak, the crowd starts to scream loudly as the main act takes the stage. Once it dies down a little, Louis jumps up, wanting to rejoin the sea of people.

“Come on, guys! We can go smoke a jay in the back.”

I roll my eyes. He knows I don’t smoke, but apparently I’m the only one because Jessica and Niall nod their heads and start to follow behind Louis. I exhale and roll my eyes before shuffling along to catch up. Once we find a place in the middle of a large group of people, Louis glances around before pulling out a small metal cigarette case. He takes out a neat, hand-rolled cigarette. If you don’t look closely, it looks like any old cigarette, but the second he lights it, the aroma gives it away. He places it between his lips and takes a long drag, holding it in as he passes the joint to Jessica. She does the same, but coughs loudly, thick smoke escaping her mouth. Louis pats her on the back and chuckles as she catches her breath and hands it off to Niall. He expertly breathes deeply and I see the paper burning away, quicker than would be expected. He holds the smoke in and hands the joint back to Louis. Before I can stop myself, I yell loudly over the music.

“Hey! What about me?”

Everyone’s eyes go wide and Niall blows the smoke out of his lungs before coughing lightly into his elbow. Louis looks at me in complete confusion and finally speaks.

“Really? You want to?”

Jessica reaches out and wraps one arm around my waist, pulling me closer to her.

“My baby is finally having fun! Give it to her!”

Louis tries to hand me the small nub that is left, but I’m afraid of burning myself. I don’t see a place I can grasp on to.

“Here, Niall. Just shotgun her.”

What? What does that mean? He hands it off to Niall, who looks at Louis questioningly.

“Well, she wants to live a little! Just do it, Ni!”

I look at Louis and then at Jessica, both of them grinning excitedly with heavy eyes. I turn my gaze to Niall as he shrugs and places his fingers on his lips, breathing in even deeper than before. He nods to me and I suddenly start to realize what is going on. Before I can react, his free arm wraps around my waist and pulls me into his body as his lips crash into mine. I open my mouth slightly as my eyes flutter shut and he roughly presses his lips into mine, sealing it off so that the smoke cannot escape. He exhales slowly and I feel my lungs expand even though I’m not trying to breathe. I instinctively wrap my hands around his neck and brush my tongue along his upper lip. I feel him quiver a bit and as he starts to pull back, he pulls my bottom lip between his teeth, nibbling lightly before letting go. My eyes blink open rapidly and I almost forget about the smoke filling my lungs until it starts to burn and I start to choke and cough uncontrollably. After a couple minutes, the smoke is gone and I’m only coughing every now and then. I finally register what just happened. I kissed a complete stranger as he blew marijuana smoke into my mouth. And even worse than that; _it was the most enchanting moment of my life._


	2. Chapter 2

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

 

The drive home was a blur. Louis being older than Jess and I is actually quite a blessing. He has more freedom than us and his parents would prefer the driver to take him into the city, so we didn’t have to worry about driving home under the influence. His parents don’t ask questions and it works out best that way. We spent the rest of the night with Niall at the show and didn’t leave the city until two in the morning. 

 _Niall._ Louis was right. He is different than what I’m used to. In the best way possible. He wasn’t pushy and didn’t expect anything. I felt like for the first time, I was spending time with someone just because I wanted to. My mom would disapprove, but I really don’t care. Nothing monumental happened after the kiss that wasn’t really meant to be a kiss. We danced and talked and it was just...refreshing. That’s the best word I can use to describe Niall. Refreshing.

It took a while to get out of the city and now it’s almost three. Thank god my mom goes to sleep early and her room is far away from the front door. I’m not worried about her finding out what time I got home. She’s been in a daze since my dad left this morning to stay at a hotel until he flies to France. I know I should be more empathetic, but I really needed tonight. It was a lot of fun; which is saying a lot, because I never have fun in that environment. I just needed to loosen up.

“Aren’t you glad you came, Hannah?”

I look over at Louis who is sitting on the opposite side of the roomy backseat, Jessica sleeping on his shoulder.

“Absolutely. It was a lot of fun. Thanks.”

He grins sleepily and rests his head on the window next to him.

“What’d you think of Niall?”

“He’s great! We really got along.”

“Wow. Hannah got along with a guy? I think we need to celebrate.”

I chuckle as he does a goofy victory dance.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. I don’t even know him really. We just had a little chemistry. Nothing to get excited about.”

He’s still smirking.

“Uh huh. Well, I’ll be meeting up with him sometime this week to get more green. After tonight, I’m almost out.”

“So he goes with you to buy pot?”

He laughs and looks at me questioningly.

“Wait, you’re serious? I thought you knew.”

What is he talking about?

“Knew what?”

“Niall sells it to me! That’s how I even know him. Well, we met once at a party and he started selling to me and then we ended up hanging out a bit more. He’s a nice guy.”

Niall _sells_ drugs? He definitely did not come off as the type, but what do I know? I smoked for the first time tonight. But, isn’t selling... dangerous? I would feel naive and stupid to be asking the questions I was if it was anyone besides Louis.

“I didn’t know he sold drugs.”

He laughs again and rolls his eyes.

“He doesn’t sell _drugs._ He sells weed. It’s not a big deal and he doesn’t really sell in large quantities. Its just kind of a side thing to get him through school.”

That sounds like the life. Selling pot to get through school. I stare out the window as I think about this new information.

“Oh, come on Hannah. I thought you were trying to live your life. Don’t give up on him because of his profession.”

It’s my turn to laugh.

“I wouldn’t consider selling weed a profession.” I look out the window again and think some more. “And I am trying to live my life, but-“

“But nothing, Hannah. You said it yourself. You two had chemistry. Have you ever had chemistry with a guy? Ever?”

No.

“Of course.”

He glares at me and I know he didn’t buy it.

“Fine, okay. I felt chemistry and no, I haven’t with anyone else. Just drop it for now, I’m not dating a drug dealer.”

He sighs and argues once more as we pull up to my house.

“Not a drug dealer!”

“Whatever. Bye, Lou. Give Jess a hug when she wakes up. Love you guys.”

“Bye, Hannah. Love ya, too, you rebel, you.”

He winks and I step out of the car. As the driver pulls away, Louis rolls down the window and yells to me.

“JUST GIVE HIM A CHANCE!”

His voice trails off as the car rolls away and I chuckle as I turn back to my house. The front lights are on, just like any other night and I walk up to the door, pulling the key out of my wallet and slipping it into the keyhole, slowly turning it to the left. Even though my mom is sleeping across the house, I feel the need to be quiet. I carefully shut the door behind me and lock it before walking into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. My mouth is terribly dry and I blame it on the mixture of beer and weed. When I open the fridge, the light eliminates the kitchen enough for me to see a little bit of movement to my left. I walk over and turn on the ceiling lights to find my mom sitting on a barstool, her face riddled with anger. Her presence makes me jump on the inside, but I’m too tired and out of sorts to really react.

“Mom-“

“Hannah Eloise Kensington. Do you know what time it is?”

 _Eloise_. It always makes me cringe. I don’t really want to argue with her, but her arms are crossed and it just makes her look pompous and rude. I feel out of sorts and impatient.

“Three in the morning.”

“Good to know you can tell time. Where were you?”

_I went to the city, smoked weed, and got drunk._

“I went to the city.”

“For? With?”

 _Fun. With my stoner friends and a drug dealer._  

“For a concert. With friends.”

“So, with Louis and Jessica?”

I don’t know if saying yes will comfort her or make her want to call their parents. I take my chances.

“Yep. I don’t have other friends.”

 _Besides Niall. Is he my friend?_ She seems slightly relieved, but she hasn’t uncrossed her arms. I can tell that the lecture is coming. I can also tell that I’m not going to hold back.

“Hannah, you can’t be doing this. You have a reputation to uphold and I don’t want everything you’ve worked for your whole life to go down the drain.”

“How would that happen? I just graduated! Today was my eighteenth birthday! Thanks for remembering, by the way. I’m just trying to have a little fun! What is so wrong with that?”

“I didn’t forget your birthday. It’s just been a rough day. There is nothing wrong with having fun if it is the proper type of fun. Going to the city and going to clubs is not proper, young lady.”

I roll my eyes and try to think of a way to get through to her.

“Mom, first of all. I know it’s been a rough day, okay? And I’m sorry, but guess what? I’m losing dad, too! I’m sad, too! I’m just trying to handle it in a different way. I’m trying to make a change! I don’t wanna live every day pretending he’s on business trips. I don’t want to go to stuffy parties and hear people whisper behind my back. Yeah, we _had_ a good reputation, but dad already ruined that! Don’t you see? I’m not trying to hurt anyone! I’m just trying to live my life!”

She is appalled by my tone and she stands up, walking over to me with her fists balled at her side.

“Don’t you dare talk to me that way. You are an ungrateful child and I don’t understand how you could be so hurtful to your own mother.”

I know I went too far by bringing dad into this, but I don’t want to be the strong one and I can’t seem to bridle my tongue. I can’t control what I’m saying anymore. I always pretend to be okay for her and maybe it’s the worst time for me to do so, but I’m finally being honest.

“I’m not trying to hurt you, mom. I love you and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I just can’t keep living this life that has never appealed to me. No offense, but I don’t want to be a housewife in a mansion with paid help. I want to move to the city, live in a tiny apartment and go to school for something I love.”

She looks at me like I’m an idiot.

“You can go to the University here. You can’t go live on your own like a cheap whore. That’s not who I’ve raised you to be-“

“A whore? How does being independent make me a prostitute? I don’t want to end up in an unhappy marriage, raising children to live the same cookie cutter life I had! It’s such bullshit! What kind of life is that?”

I know that my words cut like a knife. I just described her life with negative connotations. I just told her that I don’t want to be her. I feel bad as soon as I let it pass my lips, but I can’t stop. She pretends to ignore my insults and starts to shoo me towards the stairs.

“Hannah, I won’t hear any of this. You need to go to bed. You have tea tomorrow at the Sinclair’s.”

“What? I’m not going to the Sinclair’s for tea.”

 I brush her off. She’s being outrageous.

“Yes, you are. Harry wants to see you.”

“MOM! I’m not getting back with Harry!”

“Hannah, he is a nice, respectable young man. You will hear what he has to say and you will be polite.”

I know what she means by polite. He’s a _prominent_ man. She wants me to kiss his feet and beg for his mercy.

“No, mom. I’m not going to see him.”

“YES, YOU WILL! IT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO CARRY ON THIS FAMILY’S LEGACY!”

Her voice booms and my eyes go wide. She has never yelled like that. In my entire life. She flattens her nightgown and takes a deep breath, closing her eyes and trying to compose herself. I feel tears coming and I try to fight them, but I am beyond angry. I speak without thinking twice and it makes me feel free in a nauseating way.

“I met someone tonight and I already like him a hell of a lot more than I’ll ever like Harry. He’s poor too, mom. He lives in Brooklyn, but he’s a real person, unlike the robots we associate with. I hate this town and I _hate_ you!”

I turn and start to rush to the stairs. She doesn’t follow me, but I hear her yelling as loud as before.

“GO TO YOUR ROOM!”

“I AM!”

I slam my door once I get inside and collapse face first on my bed, sobbing uncontrollably. 

_Happy Birthday to me._


	3. Chapter 3

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

I wake up to the piercing sound of my mother’s voice. I feel groggy and I want to throw a pillow at her, but I really do feel bad for how I treated her last night.

“Did you sleep with the light on, Hannah?”

I roll over and realize that I’m still in my clothes from last night. I didn’t even get under the blankets. I barely kicked my shoes off before falling asleep.

“I guess so.”

She walks over and calmly sits on the edge of my bed.

“Sweetheart, I don’t like how we talked to each other last night.”

I sit up and rub my eyes before speaking.

“Me too, mom. I’m sorry.”

“I am too. When you get back from the Sinclair’s, we should get lunch at the clubhouse. How does that sound?”

I roll my eyes. She still expects me to go to the Sinclair’s? I half expected her to compromise with me.

“I said I wasn’t going to see Harry.”

“I know you did. And I said you are.”

I can’t believe she is so inconsiderate. I may have just turned eighteen yesterday, but I think I deserve a little more freedom than this.

“It’s not fair.”

“Hannah, it’s not fair that you were out all night doing god knows what. You weren’t in your right mind when you got home and I honestly don’t want to know why. Just please cooperate with me now. You need to start getting ready. Wear your cream Valentino.”

I fall back into the pillows as she leaves my room. Now I can’t even choose my own outfits? Normally, I would wear something else as my minuscule version of rebellion, but I decide that last night was enough for the time being.

I get up and lazily make my way to the bathroom. I wash my face as the water warms and turn on the speakers from the wall controls. My new She & Him album starts to play and I turn it up as their cover of _Sunday Girl_ comes on.

I sing along the entire time I’m in the shower, their music making me feel a little better. The water feels amazing and I really wish I could stand under it for hours instead of going to have tea with Harry. I don’t plan on doing what my mom wants once I get there. Sure, I’ll listen to him, but nothing he says can change my mind. The small respect I used to have for him faded instantly at my graduation. He’s absurd and pompous. 

Once I am done showering, I dry off and put on a thin robe, wringing my hair out with a towel. I wipe away some of the condensation on my mirror and put some moisturizer on my face. I open my makeup drawer and start to apply a minimal amount. Once complete, it looks natural, but covers up the evidence of a long night.

As I start to blow-dry my hair, I think about Niall. Why am I even thinking about him? He’s a drug dealer in the city. I physically laugh at myself for even considering seeing him again. I just really want to.

 _Stop_.

If I think wearing an outfit my mom didn’t pick out is too rebellious, then seeking out Niall is social suicide. It is, actually. Social suicide that I’ve craved for years. A clean cut. If I ever leave Westbury, the only way I can ensure a permanent severance is by ending up with someone like Niall. They’ll never take me back after associating myself with him. That’s exactly what I want.

My thoughts are interrupted by a knocking on my door and I turn the hair dryer off.

“Hannah! Are you almost ready?”

“Yes, mom! I’ll be out in ten minutes.”

She doesn’t respond so I assume she walked away and I set the dryer down, finding some pins in the bottom of my jewelry box. I pin up some pieces of my wavy hair so that it appears to be tamed. I brush my teeth and put on some deodorant before walking back into my room. I slip out of the robe and find a bra and panties that are nude colored so they won’t show through my dress. As I open my closet door, my cell phone starts to ring. I search for it in my purse and finally find it.

“Hello?”

“Hannah! How’d you sleep?”

“Hey, Jess. Ugh, not so well. My mom was up when I got home.”

“WHAT? What’d she say?”

“We fought... pretty bad. She’s making me go see Harry right now. Apparently he asked for me to come over.”

“Oh, lord. Get that shit over with and come over! My parents are out of town. We can have a girls night.”

I almost say that my mom won’t let me, but I figure if I make her happy by seeing Harry and joining her for lunch, she’ll be okay with it.

“Yeah! I’ll come over after lunch.”

“Perfect. Good luck with the holy Lord Sinclair.”

I chuckle and thank her sarcastically before saying goodbye. I hurry back to my closet and quickly find the dress my mother demanded I wear, pulling it on and finding some flats to match. Once I’m dressed, I find earrings to wear a spray a little perfume on my neck and wrists. When I reach my door, my mother is rushing to it anxiously.

“Come on, Hannah. You’re going to be late.”

“I’m ready!”

I hold my purse in my hand, following my mom down the stairs.

“Joe is waiting outside. Meet me at the clubhouse after?”

“Sure. See ya.”

I kiss her on the cheek and walk out the door to see a beaming Joe below. He never fails to make me smile. I hurry down the stairs to meet him and he opens the back door of the black Rolls Royce for me.

“Morning, Joe!”

“Good morning, Miss Kensington. How are you?”

“Cut the ‘miss’ crap. I’m alright.” 

I stick my tongue out at him and he returns the gesture before closing the door. Once he is in the driver’s seat he looks at me through the mirror.

“So, off to the dreaded lair we go?”

“Don’t remind me. Just drive.”

He laughs and follows my directions. We make small talk as we drive down the brick road.

“You got home late last night, huh?”

My eyes shoot up and I smirk at him. I never worry about hiding hints from Joe. He’s like the uncle that helps you get away with what your parents don’t agree with.

“What’s it to ya? And how did you know?”

“I heard your mom telling your dad. Have any fun?”

I look down at my lap and then back at the mirror to look at his eyes when I talk.

“Yes. It was actually the best night of my life.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

He gives me a genuine smile as we pull into the Sinclair’s long driveway. Once we stop, he turns around before getting out of the car.

“I know it’s a day late, but I didn’t see you yesterday.”

He reaches back and gives me a small mint green bag.

“Happy Birthday, Hannah.”

“Joe! What the hell did you get me a gift for?”

He chuckles and waits impatiently for me to open it. I pull out a small box and carefully open it to find a white gold necklace shaped as a dove with it’s wings spread.

“Flip it over. Look at the back.”

I take the necklace out and turn it over to see engraved in the back, _‘H- Spread your wings.’_

I feel warm tears surface when I meet his gaze once again.

“Joe, this is so sweet. It’s perfect, really. Thank you so much.”

He knows how badly I want out. He’s the only one who understands me. He’s the only one who encourages me to live my dream and move to the city. 

“You’re welcome, Hannah. I just know that with your dad gone and all, you’re mom is gonna be extra hard on you- so, this will remind you that you should never be afraid to be yourself. You need to be free.”

I wrap the thin chain around my neck and hook it in the back, letting it fall to my chest. I lean forward and hug Joe before he gets out of the car and walks to my door, opening it.

“Thanks, Joe. I don’t plan on being long.”

“I’ll be right here.”

I hug him again and walk toward the stairs. I climb them slowly, trying to put off this tea time as long as I can. Once I reach the door, I press the intercom and Charlie, the butler answers.

“ _Sinclair residence._ ”

“Hey, Charlie. It’s Hannah.”

“ _One moment, Miss Kensington._ ”

Within seconds, the door opens slowly and Charlie welcomes me inside with a warm smile. He’s always thrilled when I come because everyone else is rude to him.

“Mister Sinclair is waiting in the foyer. You will be taking tea there.”

“Thanks, Charlie.”

“My pleasure.”

He walks away and I make my way into the front room to find Harry sitting on the couch, looking at his phone. I clear my throat and he finally looks up, not even cracking a smile.

“Hello, Hannah. Have a seat.” 

He points to the chair opposite him and I slowly lower myself into it, setting my purse next to me. I don’t say a word.

“How have you been?”

I simply look at him with an unmistakable seriousness and he finally glances up from his phone.

“Why won’t you answer me?”

“You don’t have anything to say to me, Harry? Nothing?”

“Ah, you’re still mad. I guess that should have been expected.”

He sets his phone down and I cross my arms, waiting for him to continue.

“Okay, look. Hannah, I’m sorry. It really wasn’t personal.”

At least he’s trying to apologize.

“It felt personal.”

“Well, it wasn’t. I promise. I had a lot of other things going on and-“

He stops speaking abruptly and stares out the window to his left. He doesn’t say anything at all; just stares. Finally, without looking back at me, he continues.

“Have you ever just wanted to... leave?”

All the damn time. Wait, am I still talking to Harry? I lean forward and pour a cup of tea before answering.

“Yes, I have. Why?”

He turns and his bright green eyes meet mine and I see a glimmer of... desperation?

“I remember you talking about moving to the city. Just seeing if you still felt the same way about... this way of life.”

This is the strangest conversation I’ve ever had. Harry actually listened to me?

“Yeah, I do.”

I don’t know what else to say to him. I want to know what relevance this has to my visiting. Why did he want to see me anyway? He seems focused on anything but me. He waits a few minutes before speaking again, looking straight at me this time.

“You and I both want similar things, Hannah. If you and I get back together, I can make those things happen.”

No. This is exactly what I told myself I wouldn’t let happen.

“No, Harry. I haven’t forgiven you for what you said and how you treated me. Besides, we were never good together.”

He reaches across the table and rests his hand on my knee. Tears are now filling his eyes.

“Please, Hannah. I know we aren’t good together, but our parents would beg to differ and if we make them happy, maybe we can do what we want.”

Why does it sound more like a business transaction than anything?

“Harry, why me? Why now? You still haven’t explained why you acted the way you did.”

He sighs and sits back, nervously running his fingers through his tousled hair. It’s usually slicked back, but it’s quite messy today.

“Can you keep a secret?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... tell me what you think... please? Pretty please?


	4. Chapter 4

mis·take

**_an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong._ **

 

Hannah Kensington has lived her teenage years so far in a manner that made everyone happy; well, reasonably happy. She had fun with her friends, but she was very cautious. Her parents gave her a small amount of freedom and she had no desire to disappoint them by violating their trust. She was just bored.

 

That was until her seemingly perfect world came crashing down.

 

The day before her eighteenth birthday, Hannah's parents sat her down and told her that they were splitting up. _For good._  Her dad was moving to France to be with some woman and Hannah was staying in Old Westbury, New York with her mother in a house that was already too large for the three of them. It wasn’t like she wanted to go with her father. She couldn’t even look him in the eye anymore.

 

So, just like any well-brought-up girl her age would do in a stressful situation… She stayed up all night cozied up with her favorite book. While reading _The Note Book of Elbert Hubbard_ for the twentieth time, she finally took everything he wrote into consideration. She saw her life differently. _One line_ really stood out to her:

 

“The greatest **_mistake_** you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.”

 

Hannah vowed to herself from then on to live in the moment and to let herself finally be **free.**

 


	5. Chapter 5

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

“Can you keep a secret?”

The look on his face is something I’ve never seen before. He looks... nervous. Harry Sinclair doesn’t get nervous. He’s confident and self-assured 24/7. 

“Yeah, I can keep a secret.”

He takes a deep breath and runs his fingers through his hair, sitting back into the couch.

“I already have someone. Someone my parents don’t approve of. Your graduation. Yeah, they found out that day and I kind of freaked out, so sorry again that you were the recipient of my rage.”

So, we’re really in the same boat.

“Well, who is it?”

“You know Louis Tomlinson’s cousin?”

I don’t know why he uses his last name as if he isn’t one of my best friends. 

“Clara? Why wouldn’t they approve of her?”

“Well, it’s not Clara. It’s-it’s...”

He sits forward and rests his elbows on his knees. He rubs his eyes and looks back to me.

“It’s who, Harry? I’m not going to judge you.”

I lean forward and rest my hand on his. This is the most emotional moment we’ve ever had together. His hand is shaking.

“It’s Clara’s...brother.”

It’s definitely shocking.

“Liam?”

“Yes, Liam,”

Harry’s face changes as soon as he says his name. His smile is contagious. 

Liam and Clara Lexington live in the city. Louis’ cousins have it good. Even though they were raised the same way as us, they were raised in the city. That means, they get to do whatever they want. Surely, though, their parents still wouldn’t approve of Liam and Harry’s relationship.

“Say something, Hannah.”

“Oh, sorry! Umm-I’m just surprised is all!”

He looks terrified still, so I squeeze his hand gently. I feel closer to Harry now than I ever did when we dated.

“In a good way. I like Liam. I can already see he makes you really happy. And hey, I know from experience how hard that is to do.”

He chuckles and looks immensely relieved.

“Maybe the problem was that you didn’t have a d-.”

“Hannah, dear! It’s so great to see you!”

Harry’s mother appears in the doorway and his eyes shift nervously again.

“Hello, Mrs. Sinclair. It’s good to see you as well.”

I stand and offer a quick hug, which she accepts all too eagerly.

“You know better than to call me that.”

“Right. Sorry, Maryann.”

She sits next to Harry and looks us both over.

“Well, Catherine is going to be so upset that she missed you! Did you two make up?”

I look at Harry and he is fumbling with his watch, looking at me pleadingly and I know I had to make a decision. There is no doubt in my mind what I should do. It won’t last forever, but Harry is the one person who can help me.

“Yes. Harry and I are dating again. Isn’t that right, _sweetie_?”

His eyes dart up to meet mine and I can tell he didn’t expect me to agree. Maryann claps her hands together and looks as though she might cry with joy. It disgusts me how happy she is just thinking that her son is no longer gay. I force a smile, which is easy when I see how thrilled Harry is by my choice. I feel empowered. I finally have some sparse control over my life.

“I am just _SO_ pleased to hear that. Hannah, love, you are just such a lovely girl. You two are so perfect together.”

Maybe we do make a good team. Not in the way she means; but, in some sort of sick, twisted, deceiving way. I glance at Harry and his excitement has taken over his entire face. I may have known Harry for years, but I feel like I’m just now meeting him.

“Please stay for lunch; it would just be an honor.”

_Hell no._

“Oh, I would love to! But, I promised my mother I would join her for lunch at the clubhouse.”

Her face lights up and I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake.

“The clubhouse? Why don’t Harry and I join you? It would be splendid! I haven’t seen your mother in ages.”

 _Great_. 

“Umm- Sure. Let me just call her.”

“Fantastic, I will go change.”

As soon as she is visibly walking up the stairs, Harry leans in to whisper to me.

“Thank you _so_ much, Hannah. You don’t even know how much you’re doing.”

“I do expect some things in return.”

“Liam and I owe you so much. Anything you want; I promise.”

I grin and start to think of what I could possibly ask for.

“Can we start by going to the city next week?”

His lips curl into a grin and I can tell he’s pleased by my request.

“Absolutely.”

We both stand up and make our way to the foyer to await Mrs. Sinclair as I take out my phone to call my mother.

“By the way, Hannah, this is going to be the worst lunch ever.”

“Oh, I know.”

_________

 

“...and then she wore this god-awful Fendi skirt with a clashing blouse; oh, Charlotte, you should have seen it.”

I roll my eyes and turn to Harry for some sort of distraction. He pretends to gag as our mothers talk badly about every woman on our street. I nearly spit some of my water back into my cup as I laugh. My mother shoots me a glare and I set it down calmly. I pick at the remnants of my salad and finally leave my fork on my plate. I can’t wait to go to Jessica’s after this. I need some one on one time with her.

“Well, Maryann, it’s been a pleasure to have lunch with you and Harry. I’m so happy that these two lovebirds have worked things out.”

Harry and I both roll our eyes when they look away and give each other knowing looks.

“Me too, Charlotte. We shall have many more lunches like this now.”

“Looking forward to it.”

We all stand up and walk to the door and Harry appears at my side, holding out a hand for me to take. I accept it and we walk hand in hand to the stairs outside. Once we get to the car, Joe opens the door for me and I step in, rolling down the window once inside. Harry leans down to the window and our mothers watch from a few feet away.

“I owe you big time, Hannah.”

I smile and lean forward to whisper in his ear.

“Kiss me. They’re watching us.”

He pulls back and grins sarcastically, pecking me on the lips quickly and turning away from the car. I wave to him and his mother before mine appears at the door.

“Hannah, dear I’m so happy.”

“I know, mom.”

She kisses my forehead and smiles brightly.

“I’ll see you at home, okay?”

“Actually, I’m going to have Joe take me to Jessica’s house for the night. Is that okay?”

Just as I expected, she could care less what I do now that everything else appears to be running smoothly.

“Sure, have fun!”

She waves and turns to walk to her car. I sit in shock as Joe starts to drive away.

“Well, well. Looks like someone’s back with the idiot.”

I chuckle and lean forward to see him easier.

“It’s a long story, but it’s definitely better than before.”

He’s not smiling.

“Joe-“

“Hannah, it’s okay if you want to be with him, but I don’t think you do.”

“It’s not like that. We’re...not even really together. I can’t tell you everything, but Harry is going to help me. Help me escape.”

His eyes shift between the mirror and the road and his face finally lightens a little.

“Well, that’s good. Just be careful.”

“I know. Thanks, Joe.”

I grip the necklace he gave me this morning and stare out the window as we drive to Jessica’s house. Once we pull into the driveway, I notice Louis’ car. She must have changed her mind about a girls’ night. Joe gets out of the car and opens my door for me.

“Well, call me whenever I should pick you up.”

“Alright, thanks. See you tomorrow.”

He smiles and I start to walk to the steps. I climb them and ring the intercom. Jessica answers after a while.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Hannah!”

“AHHH! Hannah’s here! You- Go get the door.”

Her voice is muffled and I don’t think she meant for me to hear her.

“Someone will be right there, Miss Kensington.”

I giggle as she hangs up and I wait, wondering what kind of shenanigans they’ve already been getting into. I hear the door unlock and expect Louis to be standing there, but instead, Niall is smiling excitedly, holding a red plastic cup in his hand.

“Hannah! Long time, no see.”

He’s definitely drunk or high... or something. He’s just definitely not sober. I’ll settle on drunk _and_ high.

“Hi, Niall. I didn’t know you and Louis would be here.”

He leans forward and is now inches away from my face. My eyes go wide and then close when I feel his breath down my neck. I gulp and wait for his touch, but he simply kisses my cheek and steps out of the way for me to walk inside. I shake away whatever feeling he just gave me and walk into the foyer as Jessica and Louis run up the stairs.

“Hey, guys!”

Louis wraps his arms around Jessica in the middle of the stairway and kisses her neck as she giggles.

“Sorry, Hannah! We’ll be back down in a while. Go swimming with Niall or something!”

She gives me no time to respond before she leads Louis the rest of the way up the steps. I turn to find Niall leaning his back against the wall patiently.

“So, Hannah, wanna go swimming?”

“I-I didn’t bring anything to swim in.”

He moves closer and stops a foot away from me. I can smell liquor on his breath; I’d say it’s vodka if I had to guess.

“Even if you did, I wouldn’t let you wear it.”

At first, his expression makes me nervous, but a smile soon plays across his face, putting me at ease.

“I’m just kidding. Your knickers are about the same thing.”

He’s right. I follow him out the back door and he turns to approach the bar while I start to undress.

“What are you drinking today, ma’am?”

“Whatever you’re having is fine.”

He turns to find the correct bottle of booze and I take that opportunity to pull my dress over my head. I fold it neatly and place it on the chair next to me. I kick my shoes off and stand there, looking back toward the bar. Niall is gaping at me, completely frozen with a bottle of vodka in his hand.

“It’s not gonna pour itself.”

He shakes himself out of his daze and continues to make my drink, looking up at me every few seconds, thinking I don’t notice. I cross my arms nervously around my waist and wait for him to finish at the bar. He mixes my drink and tops his off before moving toward me. He hands me my drink and looks me up and down again.

“Hot tub?”

I nod in agreement.

“Hot tub.”

I follow him to the other side of the lanai, and once we approach, I stand with my hands on my hips.

“What are you looking at me like that for?”

“I don’t think it’s quite fair that I’m in my underwear and you’re in Louis’ swim trunks.”

He returns my sassy expression and I can’t help but laugh.

“Fine. I’ll strip to my boxers.”

He hands me his cold cup and I watch him carefully as he reaches back and pulls his shirt over his head. I suck in a sharp breath of air as he reveals his bare chest. He’s not large, but he’s defined. I feel the urge to walk over and press my body against his. I just want to feel him; I want him to touch my-

“Hey, eyes up here.”

My eyes shift to meet his and I feel my face grow hot and red as he tugs at his shorts. I hold his gaze as the drop to the floor and he steps out of them. Without breaking eye contact, I hand him his drink and walk closer to him. Just before I reach him, I turn abruptly and step slowly into the scalding water.

“Jesus, it’s hot.”

He mumbles something under his breath and steps in beside me, submersing his legs completely while I still only have my feet in. I feel awkward because now he has a full view of my near-naked body while I can hardly see his perfect chest. I take a deep breath and walk down the rest of the stairs, trying to ignore the burning heat. I nonchalantly wade to the other side and sit on the step there. Niall joins me, resting his arm behind my head, but not touching me. It’s tortuous. I take a sip of my drink, only now realizing how strong it is.

“So, Hannah. Tell me about yourself. We didn’t really talk much last night.”

I nearly choke on the potent vodka as it burns my throat, but I talk through it.

“Well, I don’t know. There isn’t much to tell.”

“There’s always something to tell. You just don’t tell it very often, so it seems unimportant.”

He’s right. It’s even more like that in Old Westbury than anywhere else. We live our lives to make false appearances. To impress other people.

“Then, let me think about it. Tell me about you while I do.”

I want to test the waters. Let’s see how far he takes his story before I bore him with mine.

“Hmm, I’m from Mullingar, Ireland. Had an alright childhood. Was never real close with me dad. My mum and I were as close as anyone in my family; besides Greg and I. He’s my older brother. We were pretty close growing up. Our parents had issues like anyone else’s, but mum was a strict Catholic, so she just sucked it up. Dad was always an alcoholic. I can’t remember a sober moment with him. He used to bring shit home for Greg and I after a bad night ‘cos he felt bad. He never hurt us or anything, though. Mum got sick when I was fifteen and I think it scared dad a lot. He started abusing prescription drugs and kept drinking. It got bad, but he was the least of our worries at the time. Mum died a year later from cancer. I was devastated. Greg was engaged, so even though he was upset, he had a life apart from our family. They were just all I had. Still are, really. I’m sorry, I’m probably boring you to tears. I can stop.”

“No, please. Continue. I’m sorry about your mom, by the way.”

He nods. I can’t believe everything he’s been through. I feel like I shouldn’t even tell my story, because it’ll only make me look like a brat.

“Thanks. Well, basically dad went completely ballistic after she died. He did a lot of weird shit. Started off talking to her at night like she was there. Then, he started to ask us when she was coming home. Finally got him to a doctor and he was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia. When Greg moved out and got married, he offered to let me live with them. I was only sixteen, but I was really better off with my brother than my father. Dad got worse and worse. He started to really scare me. He thought everyone was out to get him; including me. One time, he caught the house on fire and didn’t even realize it; or maybe he didn’t care. I don’t know. But, he’s in an institution now back in Ireland. In a small town like the one we lived in, it was just awkward from then on. Greg, Allison, that’s his wife, and I decided to come here and we’ve been here ever since. So, about two years now.”

“Wow-“

“I’m sorry. I probably could have held back on the detail; I just... never talk about it. Feels kind of good.”

I don’t know exactly what to say, so I just watch his expression. I see his eye twitch and he blinks rapidly and shakes it off.

“I’m really sorry. How’s your dad now?”

“Oh, the same. We hear from the doctor every other week or so. He thinks the nurses are trying to kill him, so he refuses medication. He still talks to mum, and even though he hasn’t gotten any better, maybe it’s okay for him to think she’s still there. I mean, if he’s going to be locked away in there, he might as well have some company.”

He chuckles and I admire his attitude about it all.

“Enough about me, Hannah. Have you figured out your story yet?”

I’ve been listening to him so intently that I haven’t thought of anything to say. Since he was so honest, though, I should be too.

“I guess so. I don’t think I can top yours, though.”

“It is pretty high up there on the crazy scale.”

We both giggle and I think of where to start.

“Well, I’ve lived here... forever. In the same house. My parents always seemed moderately happy my whole life, but dad was gone a lot on business. Well, that’s what he said, at least. In light of recent events, I don’t know what to think of my childhood anymore. I had a brother. Younger brother. He- well, he died when he was eight. I don’t even think anyone around here even remembers him and that just kills me. Maybe they just pretend to forget. It’s all about appearances here. Max was such a happy kid. He loved playing outside and he used to ride his bike around the neighborhood. One day, he rode to the end of the street and this cab driver wasn’t paying attention. It killed him instantly.”

I try my best to explain the situation without crying, so I avoid any detail.

“I was ten, so its been eight years now. Ever since then, my parents grew apart more and more, until I hardly saw them speak to each other. So, I shouldn’t have been surprised when they sat me down and told me they were divorcing. Dad’s going to France to live with some woman I’ve never heard of and my mom and me are stuck here. It’s...weird.”

“Wow, so this is recent.”

“Yeah, they told me the day before my birthday and both forgot I turned eighteen yesterday. Dad left today, I think.”

I feel tears surface and realize that its the first time I’ve really talked about my dad leaving. I start to cry softly and Niall sets his drink down, taking mine and setting it behind us as well. He pulls me toward him with the arm that is resting behind me and I lay my head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be crying. At least I have both of my parents; I feel selfish-“

“Shhh. It’s okay, Hannah. You’re allowed to be upset about anything you want.”

I take a deep breath and choke back more tears, resting my palm on his chest, the other one behind me in the water. He starts to rub my back and continues to hug me. I consider crying some more so he doesn’t ever let go, but I don’t. I’m not sure know why, but I feel so comfortable with him. His fingers trail down my back and I feel goosebumps rise all over my body, despite being surrounded by steaming hot water. I move my hand down his chest and rest it on his hip as I lift my head from his shoulder and look at him. His eyes meet mine and I see his pupils grow larger, the black overtaking the surrounding crystal blue. He moistens his lips and I can see his chest rise and fall quicker than before as his eyes shift between my eyes and my mouth.

“I really want to kiss you right now.”

It’s as if he’s asking me if he can, but in a more alluring and demanding way. I try to lie to myself and think that I can’t let this happen, but this is exactly the sort of thing I need to do! I need to give in to my impulses. I stand up and move in front of him, leaning between his legs against the step, which scrapes my knees a little. I rest my hands on his shoulders and his hands move down my slick body to my waist, pulling me closer. I stop when my face is centimeters from his and whisper daringly.

“Then, kiss me.”

Instantly, he pushes his lips into mine, softly moving against them tediously. He keeps his tongue at bay at first, simply interlocking our lips perfectly. I press my chest into his and lift my body up, placing one knee on either side of his hips. He moves his hips up a little to reposition himself and I can feel his bulge rub against my core momentarily. I don’t know why, but a small whimper escapes my lips. If I knew it was coming, I would have stopped it. I pull back from the kiss and open my mouth to apologize. He doesn’t allow me, pulling me back to him and kissing me more fervently. He pushes my body down so that I am sitting on his lap. The concrete is still scraping my knees, but its better than before. His member grows harder against me and I smile against his lips. While my lips are parted, his tongue darts in and lightly tickles the roof of my mouth. My stomach tingles as he reaches behind me to unhook my bra, letting it fall between us in the water. I press my bare chest against his, savoring every move he makes as he trails his hands down my back and slipping them into my panties. He squeezes my bottom and I gasp as he pushes my hips into his.

“Woah! Go Niall!”

 _Louis_.

“Go away, Lou!”

I rest my head on Niall’s shoulder to hide my shame as Louis chuckles in excitement.

“Okay, okay! I gotta go tell Jess!”

He runs off and I reluctantly look at Niall again.

“Perhaps we should take this somewhere a bit more private.”

My lips curl into an involuntary smile and I nod.

“I know just the place.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

**NIALL’S P.O.V.**

After Hannah retrieves her bra and replaces it, I hand her my t-shirt so she can cover up while we walk to wherever she plans on taking me. It’s exciting to not know.

“Thank you.”

She slips on the shirt over her head, letting it fall loosely over her. We put on our shoes and I watch her make her way to the screen door leading to the back yard.

“Where on earth are you going? Shouldn’t we be headed inside?”

“I said I know the perfect place. I didn’t say it was in Jessica’s house!”

This just keeps getting better. I grin as she opens the door and I hold it open as she walks through. We stand on a hill overlooking a large golf course. Far in the distance, I can see men in white and golf buggies surrounding a tiny flag.

Hannah reaches down and grabs my hand, intertwining her fingers in mine and pulling me down the steep hill.

“We’re going down there? In our underwear!”

She looks back at me and grins.

“C’mon. Don’t be a pussy.”

I roll my eyes and she tugs on my arm again.

“I’m not a pussy.”

“It was a joke, but I don’t know, if you’re going to get defensive...”

I wrap one arm around her waist and lightly grab at her side, forcing a screaming laugh from her. I continue to tickle her and she finally begs me to stop. I let go and hold her hand again as she catches her breath. 

“Don’t worry, It’s a private course. Those guys out there reserved it for two o’clock tee time. They’ll be out there for a while.”

I decide not to ask anymore questions and just enjoy her company. The way she bounces as we walk down the hill is alluring and adorable all at the same time. I can’t help but to chuckle.

“What are you laughing about?”

“Nothing. You’re just cute, s’all.”

I don’t tell girls they’re cute. Maybe sexy or hot, but not cute. Hannah is all of those things, though. She blushes and stares at the ground. My shirt falls nicely on her, cut just low enough to see her cleavage and comes up short enough to admire her behind as I let her walk ahead of me. I really can’t stop thinking about touching her again.

“I know what you’re doing, Niall.”

“What?”

I play innocent and don’t move my eyes away from their focus.

“Staring at my ass.”

I don’t pretend to deny it this time. Instead, I catch up with her and start to jog ahead as we reach the flat surface of the golf course. I turn to face her as she approaches me. Instinctively, I pull her into my bare chest and she tangles her arms around my neck. My intoxication from multiple contributors causing me to act unconsciously. I don’t feel too drunk; just enough to feel comfortable with Hannah. She’s never even seen me sober. Well, I did only meet her last night, but she doesn’t know how awkward and insufferable I really am. I don’t know why I feel like I can open up to her, though. Those things I told her in the jacuzzi; I don’t talk about that stuff. _Ever_. 

“You’re beautiful, Hannah.”

Now, that’s something I _never_ say to _anyone_. She grins and instead of shying away like usual, raises herself up onto her toes, meeting her lips with mine passionately. I press my hands into the small of her back, pushing her body closer to mine. It scares me how much I need her kiss. Hell, I’ve had sex with girls without ever having kissed them and here I am, fawning over a girl I’ve only made out with. She breaks our kiss and I reluctantly take a step back, still holding onto her. We gaze into each other’s eyes, smiling for a minute before she speaks.

“This isn’t exactly where I was taking you. Come on.”

She drags me along, toward the forest behind the line of houses along the top of the hill that we came from. I still haven’t the slightest idea where she’s taking me. Is she just planning on fucking me behind a tree? I can’t say I’d be opposed, but it would be unexpected. We walk about fifty yards through the woods before I spot a small cabin hidden among pine trees and bushes.

“What is this place? Looks straight out of a horror film.”

She turns and starts to walk backwards, explaining the mysterious house we’re approaching.

“It’s actually got a pretty cool history-“

“‘Cool’ and ‘history’ don’t belong in the same sentence.”

She rolls her eyes and turns to see where she’s walking again before continuing, ignoring my idiotic comment.

“Well, back in the mid-twenties, my great grandfather and some of the men that lived in this area felt like they needed a place to get together and... well, avoid their wives. It’s not even like people in this town had to worry about the prohibition- that’s when alcohol was illegal here, by the way- but, I guess they were bored with their lives. They had this built as a sort of speakeasy. They’d say they were golfing, but they’d come here and play poker for hours, drinking and smoking cigars. My great grandfather told my granddad about it when he was older and his friends started coming here. It’s become obsolete now. The more recent generation of men, including my father, just aren’t even friends. They pretend to be publicly, but they’re worse than the women sometimes with their gossip. Anyway, now, it’s just an empty cabin that nobody comes to, except for the few teenagers who know the code. It get’s cleaned by the maid service that cleans the country club, but it’s basically just a relic of our town and a perfect hook-up spot.”

We’re standing just in front of the door now and she types in a code on the newly installed doorknob, a beep indicating that it’s unlocked. While I’m fascinated by the story, I want nothing more than to return to our business from the hot tub. I’m still half-hard and it’s quite uncomfortable.

Hannah flips a switch on the wall and a dim light floods the single large room. There aren’t any walls besides the perimeter and what appears to be a restroom. Three large, brown leather couches form a horseshoe in the middle on an enormous rug. There is a table to the left, a fully stocked bar behind it.

“This place is awesome.”

“Yeah, it is. Want something to drink?”

I _should_ say no; I’m barely tipsy; the perfect level of intoxication.

“Sure!”

One more drink won’t hurt.

She walks slowly to the bar and her legs disappear behind it. I approach the counter and lean against it on my elbows. She doesn’t ask what I want and pulls a bottle of Patron from the shelf, setting it down and grabbing two tall shot glasses.

______

 

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

Five shots in and my vision is blurred. I’m standing at the bar next to Niall, refilling our glasses every time we empty them. I lift the half-empty bottle and start to pour the clear liquid into Niall’s glass with as much focus as I can muster. I close one eye to see better and I realize that it’s over-flowing. I stop and set the bottle down, clasping my hand to my mouth as the tequila flows down the counter and onto Niall’s bare chest as he leans over the bar. When he realizes, he stands up to his full height, looking down at the liquid dripping onto his stomach. I try not to giggle, but the alcohol burning my veins makes that impossible. He looks up at me, glaring at first, soon breaking into uncontrollable laughter as well.

“I’m SO sorry. Let me clean that up for you.”

Without thinking, I bend down and let my eyes flutter up to meet his to find his face expression to be utterly shocked. I part my lips and slip my tongue between them, licking up the tequila residue on his smooth chest and abs. When I reach his collarbone, I leave a tender kiss and stand up, dizziness overtaking my mind. Niall places his hands on my hips to steady me and I try to focus on his lips. He assists my efforts by meeting me halfway, crashing his mouth into mine with force and passion. We sloppily make our way to the closest couch and I topple onto it once my legs hit the edge. Niall lays his weight on top of me and moves his hands under my shirt and up my waist and back down, his fingertips cool on my skin. He pushes down on my hips with his and I feel his growing erection get harder with every second that passes. I can’t tell if my panties are wet from being in the water or from the feeling he’s giving me. I whimper quietly and he pulls back, biting my bottom lip as he does.

“We- we can’t do this.”

My cheeks grow red.

“What? Why?”

I’m following my instinct; living in the moment, just like I promised myself I would. I don’t mind losing my virginity here and now. Sure I’m not in love with Niall; I only met him yesterday! Still, it’s not as though he can hurt me like someone I love. However, if I had slept with Harry, I would most definitely have regretted it and I didn’t love him. He wasn’t into it either; I guess now I know why.

“We’re too drunk. I don’t want you to sober up and feel like you made a mistake.”

Maybe he’s right. I have way too much tequila clouding my judgement, but here and now, this is all I want. How much of a mistake can it be if it makes me happy at some point?

“I won’t, I promise. Please, I want this.”

He looks into my eyes and I feel a rush of adrenaline that snaps me into reality a little. This is happening. I take a deep breath and wait for his final reply.

“This is your first time, isn’t it?”

I simply nod, afraid he’ll take that bit of information and run. Instead, he surprises me. 

“Okay, but we should go back to the house. I don’t have any condoms-“

“There are a bunch behind the bar. People come out here all the time for this.”

He sighs and grins, standing up and walking back to the bar. I close my eyes and mentally prepare myself. It’s not like I’ve never done anything; I mean, I’ve gotten close to this point with a few people, but no matter how drunk I was, I couldn’t go through with it. Now, for some reason, I feel comfortable. With someone who is practically a stranger. Why doesn’t that scare me?

I feel Niall’s presence and open my eyes to find him standing next to the couch, holding a square foil packet between his fingers.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes! Stop asking!”

He chuckles and returns his body to mine, propping himself up on his knees so that his full weight isn’t on me this time. He sets the condom down behind me and pushes a few strands of hair away from my face, tenderly kissing me and slowly moving his lips with mine. Each time I try to speed things along, he presses a firm hand on my hip, slowing my movements. His hands slip under the shirt I’m wearing and travel back up to the sides of my chest, moving to my back along the bra. He unhooks it with ease as he did in the hot tub and leaves it there. I run my fingers up his back and plunge them into his thick blonde hair, tugging lightly. He keeps his arms around me and sits up on his knees, pulling me along with him. He brings his hands out from the shirt and holds onto the bottom, still kissing me. Finally, he breaks away, tugging the shirt over my head as I raise my arms up. My undone bra then falls from my arms as I let them back down and he tosses it aside, his eyes not leaving my chest. He brings his gaze back to meet mine and grins as he rests his hands on my hips again, kissing me and pushing his body against mine firmly. I lean back and we both fall somewhat gracefully onto the couch again. This feels so right and I can’t explain why or how. Perhaps, that’s what is so _right_ about it.

**NIALL’S P.O.V.**

This feels all _wrong_. 

It’s not supposed to be like this. Not with girls like Hannah. She deserves to be loved and taken care of, not fucked by a stranger with a rough past. I’m about to break my one rule _again_ : not sleeping with people I care about. First Allison and now, Hannah.

Why do I care about her, though? I just met her! I care about so few people and she’s wormed her way into that exclusive list so quickly. Maybe it’s because I opened up to her in such a big way by telling her about my family. Why did I even do that, though? There’s something about her that makes me want to be honest and _good_.

“Wait. Hannah...”

She sighs and looks up at me, her perfect chest exposed in front of me. I bite my lip and hold myself up on my arms, thinking hard before speaking. 

“I can’t do this.”

“What the hell? You just-“

I lean down and kiss her, interrupting her objection.

“Hannah, it’s not that I don’t want to, because _god_ , do I want to. I just-“

I don’t know how to explain this without sounding like an asshole, because I always seem to manage that.

“I just want this to be special for you.”

“I don’t need it to be special.”

I can tell she’s doubting herself a little bit and who knows what she would do if she were sober.

“Well, I do.”

I probably sound like I’m lying, but I’m not. I actually want to see her again and I feel like I’m taking advantage of her because of how drunk she is. Plus, taking her virginity the day after I meet her isn’t going to let this blossom into a very healthy friendship, or relationship.

Relationship? Did I really just think that?

She looks upset. Sad even. I see her eyes glass over and a single tear drops as she blinks. _Shit_.

“No, no, no. Don’t cry, please-“

I lean down again and kiss her cheek where the droplet has slowly fallen.

“I’ll make it up to you, I swear. You’ll be glad it didn’t happen today.”

Why am I making promises I can’t keep? She nods and wraps her arms loosely around my neck. I lay down again, kissing her shoulder softly. She buries her face in my neck and I turn us both over so we are on our sides, facing each other. 

“I’m sorry.”

Her apology escapes like a squeak, barely audible.

“Don’t apologize! You did nothing wrong.”

She forces a weak smile and I kiss her, stroking her back comfortingly. I pull away from her lips and we lay our heads down, drifting off into a drunken slumber in each others arms.


	7. Chapter 7

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

My eyes flutter open and I see nothing at first. Once my eyes start to adjust, I notice the small amounts of light seeping through the windows around me and realize I’m in the old cabin. Thoughts rush through my head and I start to remember what happened earlier today. Who knows how long I’ve been sleeping. I’m wearing a shirt again and I do remember that coming off. I sit up and look around, trying to find Niall, but my eyes are still not completely adjusted to the darkness. It must be late at night. My legs are constricted by a blanket that I don’t remember having before. On one of the nearby couches, Niall is curled up into a ball, shirtless and shivering in his boxers. I stand up and walk over to him, blanket in hand and feeling quite embarrassed by my earlier actions. I almost don’t want to wake him up to avoid the inescapable awkwardness. He looks so cold, though. I rest my hand on his shoulder and shake him lightly.

“Niall. Wake up.”

He shivers more than before as his eyes flutter open. My hand is still on his shoulder and I start to stroke his arm in an attempt to warm him.

“Hannah?”

“Yeah, it’s me. We fell asleep. I think its been a while.”

His teeth chatter and I spread the blanket out on top of him. He sits up halfway and wraps his arms around my legs, pulling me toward him until I accidentally topple onto the couch with him. He situates the blanket so that its over us both and wraps his arms around me tightly, kissing my shoulder.

We lay like this for a bit in silence until I feel the need to clear things up between us.

“Niall, I-I’m sorry.”

His head shoots up and he sits himself up on one elbow, his face inches from mine.

“For what?”

“Earlier. I was stupid and desperate; I don’t know what got into me and I-“

I’m rambling and he must dislike it because he stops me with his lips, pressing them sweetly to mine and moving slowly with them in unison. His cold hand finds its way to my cheek and I shiver as he touches me, running his thumb over my skin softly and pulling his mouth away slowly.

“There is nothing to be sorry for, Hannah. I stopped it because I don’t want to hurt you.”

Even sober, I don’t know why he’s making it such a big deal. We hardly know each other and, for some reason, he cares about my virginity. I know he’s right, though. I don’t want to regret that for the rest of my life; so, why do I feel like I couldn’t regret it if it’s with him?

“You’re not going to hurt me.”

He sighs and runs his free hand through his hair.

“I don’t want to, no. But, you don’t know me, Hannah. I hurt people; it’s what I’m best at.”

“I don’t believe that.”

He scoffs and rests his forehead gently on mine, squeezing my waist.

“I wish I could be as good as you think I am.”

“You can be whatever you want, Niall.”

“That’s just something dumb your mum tells you growing up so you try in school.”

I chuckle.

“Not my mom; I’ve never had options. But, that’s not what I’m saying. How you treat people is entirely up to you. Sure, sometimes it takes work, but I’ve only seen you nice even though you keep trying to tell me how awful you are.”

He stares at me for a while and I wonder what he’s thinking. Finally, he leans down and pecks my lips softly.

“You’re very clever, Hannah. You know that?”

I grin and let my eyes roam down his partially exposed chest anxiously. He rests his index finger under my chin and forces me to look at him again, waiting for an answer.

“Maybe, sometimes.”

He smiles, dimples reaching his cheeks and the corners of his eyes. He’s actually beautiful in a rugged, manly way that I can’t explain. I lift my head from the couch and meet him halfway, kissing him slowly and gently like he has been since we woke up. This time, however, he pushes my head back down and rolls over so that he’s hovering over me like he had been on the other couch earlier today. I still want this; I still want him. He thought I would make a different decision sober, but here I am, wanting exactly the same thing. He lowers his body so that his hips meet with mine and the pressure alone gives me butterflies swarming in my stomach. I arch my back ever so slightly to press my body against his, deepening our kiss.

“Hannah-“

“Shhh.”

“But-“

I continue to kiss him, trying to prevent his objections.

“Stop, stop.”

I fall back and give up on my endeavors, feeling less embarrassed and more annoyed.

“I’m sorry, Hannah. I just can’t-“

“Can’t? Do you like have a girlfriend or something? Or do you really just dislike me that much?”

“No, no. I don’t have  girlfriend and it’s because I like you that I can’t sleep with you...yet! You didn’t let me finish; I was going to say yet.”

Sure he was. He mumbles that last part, unsure of himself. I don’t understand his reasoning one bit.

“I don’t understand you, Niall.”

“I don’t understand myself sometimes.”

I roll my eyes and try to move and stand up, but his body holds mine in place.

“Just let me go if this isn’t going to happen.”

“I’m not done trying to explain.”

I relax my body and nod for him to continue.

“I don’t let myself sleep with people I care about, Hannah-“

“Oh, that makes sense. You know, you sounded less like an asshole when you were drunk. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?”

He chuckles and kisses my forehead.

“I’m trying, okay? I don’t let myself sleep with people I care about, and usually that’s not a problem. I don’t care about a lot of people. I don’t know why I care about you so much, but I do. I just- I don’t know what I’m doing and it needs to sink in before we take it any farther.”

Even though I don’t get it, I can tell it’s a legitimate struggle within him. He stares at me, waiting for a response of some sort and I have such mixed emotions that I don’t know how to react.

“That’s fine. I like you, Niall. I know I just met you, but I feel like I already know you. Is that weird?”

“No, I feel the same way. It’s kind of scaring me. I don’t know why I’m so comfortable with you.”

I grin and rest my hands on his back, pulling him closer to me.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

He leans in closer and I feel his breath on my lips.

“You should. It’s a privilege for me to talk to you.”

I chuckle and turn my face so that his lips land on my jaw. He tickles my sides and trails kisses down my neck, sucking light bruises along my collarbone. I whimper and my hips instinctively raise to meet his at which point his hand runs down to my thigh, tracing circles on the inside, dangerously close to my sex.

“Okay, Hannah. We need to set some rules if we’re going to wait.”

He moves off of me and lays between my body and the back of the couch, pulling me close to him on my side. I roll my eyes and just want him to touch me again like he had before. Maybe that’s why we need rules.

“Okay, fine. What are these rules?”

“Rule number one, hands above the hips.”

“Oh, come on!”

He laughs and kisses the tip of my nose. I giggle and rest my hand right at his hipbone.

“Fine, rule number two, you can’t touch my boobs.”

“But, that’s above your hips.”

“Yeah, it is. But, we have to keep this fair.”

“Alright, fine. Rule three, you have to come to some of my favorite places in the city. Even if you don’t want to. We’re going to keep getting to know each other.”

“Okay, I have no problem with that. Final rule, because we don’t want to make this too complicated. After five dates, and yes, I consider this the first, we’ll talk about having sex again.”

He smiles brightly again, pecking my lips and propping his head up with his hand on his elbow.

“You’re very eager, aren’t you?”

“I just know what I want.”

“Okay, deal?”

“Deal.”

I giggle and kiss him again, teasing him by keeping my hands just above the line his boxers come up to.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**NIALL’S P.O.V.**

What am I doing? I’m making a commitment (of sorts) and I’m not sure how I feel about it. It’s shocking, really, especially when Hannah is still so new to me. As she lays in my arms, kissing me every now and then, I actually feel content. For the time being, at least. I know that at some point I’ll really want to take things to the next level with her, but right now, this feels perfect.

“We should head back to the house, huh?”

I don’t want to move, butI know she’s right.

“Yeah, do you even know what time it is?”

I don’t at all. Our phones are back at the house and I haven’t gone out of my way to check for clocks in the cabin.

“No clue. Let’s head out. Jessica and Louis are probably wondering where we are.”

She stands up and I dramatically sigh as she pulls on my arm until I’m standing next to her. I had cleaned up any messes we made at the bar while she was sleeping, so she just fixes the pillows and leads me to the door. She opens the door and my body is instantly chilled. It’s very dark and the wind is howling through the trees. Hannah shivers and I wrap my arm around her as I slip my shoes on and close the door behind us.

_________

As we approach Jessica’s house the lights are off upstairs and a few are on in what I remember to be the kitchen area. We step onto the patio and I find Louis’ swim trunks quickly and pull them on, hoping to warm myself as much as I can. Hannah takes my shirt off of her and hands it to me. I slip it on and smell her all over it as it brushes over my face, making me grin. I wish I could put this moment in slow motion as I watch her bend down and retrieve her dress, slipping it on effortless over her flawless frame.

“It’s not nice to stare, Niall.” 

I chuckle and wrap my arms around her waist from behind, kissing the back of her neck. She giggles and pries my arms off of her and pulls me toward the glass door leading into the house. She intertwines our fingers and squeezes lightly as we step inside and it’s almost completely silent. We hear Jess talking in the distance, but her tone seems whiny. We turn the corner to the kitchen and there are three people sitting there; Jessica and a man and woman I have never seen.

Hannah drops my hand immediately and holds hers behind her back nervously.

“Mr. and Mrs. Canton.”

Jessica’s parents. Just as I suspected. _Shit_. This has happened too fucking fast. We had such a great day and now-

“Hannah, we’ve been waiting for you to get back from...wherever you were.”

Mrs. Canton looks young at first glance, but the creases in her forehead have obviously been firmed many times from botox and god knows what else. She seems so stern and the scowl on her face is actually terrifying.

“I’m s-sorry. I didn’t know you guys would be back today.”

Hannah’s eyes widened in Jessica’s direction and Jess gave an irritated sigh as an apology of sorts.

“The weather was awful at the vineyard so we came home. Who, might I ask, are you?”

Mr. Canton finally speaks and glares at me.

“I- My name is Niall, sir. I’m a friend of your daughter’s.”

He lifts a glass full of scotch to his lips and takes a long sip.

“You can leave now, Niall.”

He doesn’t look at me this time, but Jessica’s mother does and almost warns me silently with her eyes. I turn to walk away and suddenly remember how I got there.

“I kind of need to call a cab...”

Hannah walks past me in a huff and finds her purse by the front door, returning to the rest of us and mumbling something as she passes me again.

“I’ll call Joe. He can take us both home.”

I can see the uncertainty on Mrs. Canton’s face, but she doesn’t argue as Hannah dials a number and says a few words to whoever Joe is.

“Please, come get me from Jessica’s...Yeah, and my friend needs a ride back to the city... Thanks, Joe.”

She hangs up and turns to face Jessica and her parents, breaking their awkward silence.

“He’ll be here in five. We’ll just be out front...”

“We need to talk to you first, Hannah. He can wait for you outside.”

I don’t question him at all and walk cooly to the front door, grabbing my backpack along the way. I close the door behind me and wonder what the hell they’re saying to her. It shouldn’t be such a huge deal; we are all adults and didn’t do anything wrong. No one’s been hurt... except for my pride, perhaps.

I search my bag for my phone to check the time. I find it at the bottom of my bag to find ten missed calls and three text messages from Greg and one missed call and text message from Allison. _Shit. Shit. Shit._

_*FROM: Greg_

_When are you coming home? We need to talk. I’m freaking out.*_

 

_*FROM: Greg_

_Look, I’m sorry if you got pissed. You know I love Allison; I’m just an idiot.*_

 

_*FROM: Greg_

_Answer your fucking phone!!!_

 

_*FROM: Allie_

_Ni, we need to talk. You’re going to hate me for this, but...Just call me. -Love Allie”_

 

I run my fingers through my hair in shocked disbelief. Did she tell him?! What else could it be? Before I have time to reply to either of them, Hannah steps through the door and looks flustered.

“I’m so dead.”

“Um-what happened?”

“They’re probably gonna tell my mom we were here. She’ll kill me.”

Her eyes are glassy are red, her hair a tangled mess. I push aside my worry about Allison and Greg and focus on Hannah. Maybe I’m just hiding from my real problem, but I carelessly wrap my arm around her waist and kiss her forehead.

“It’ll be okay. We didn’t even do anything wrong.”

She pulls away and then glances at me apologetically.

“You don’t understand. Image is everything here. The fact that you and Louis were at the house with me and Jess is the worst.”

“Your mum will understand.”

It doesn’t make sense for us hanging out to be such a big deal. She’s right; I really don’t understand.

“No, she won’t. That I can guarantee. She doesn’t understand me in general.”

I reach for her hand and stroke it with my thumb.

“Maybe she’ll surprise you.”

She scoffs and finally gives in, leaning her head on my chest. I push her hair away from her face and start rubbing her back.

“No, definitely not. She’s gonna put me on lockdown and I won’t see anyone for months.”

I kiss the top of her head and chuckle.

“Nah, I’ll find a way to see you.”

I know this is all hypothetical. There is no way her mum would react so badly. She’s eighteen. The worst that can happen is she yells at her, which from what I’ve heard today, is pretty common.

A quiet honk sounds from beneath us and Hannah snaps out of her sad, cuddly mood and returns to her frantic state.

“Joe’s here. Come on.”

I follow behind her, fingers intertwined with hers as we bounce down the steps. I step down the last stair and look up to see a shiny black Rolls Royce and a man in a suit holding the door open. His face lights up when Hannah approaches him and he immediately frowns, probably noticing the scowl on her face.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’ll tell you later. Joe, this is Niall. Niall, Joe.”

I shake his hand and he tightens his grip, looking me up and down questioningly. Hannah climbs in and I follow, Joe closing the door behind me. He walks back to the driver’s seat and sits down, putting the car in drive immediately.

“Am I taking you home first, Hannah?”

“Please, no. I wanna stay away from the house as long as possible.”

I can tell by their communication that he’s more than just a chauffeur to Hannah. He simply nods and starts to make our way toward the city. Hannah rolls her window down and scoots closer to it, laying her head on her arms which are draped over the door. As she stares into the night sky, I find my phone and attempt to be discreet in answering the important text messages.

_*TO: Greg_

_I’m on my way home now. What’s going on?*_

I sigh, almost positive I know what is ‘going on’. Next is Allison. I don’t really know what to say, especially since she seemed insistent on talking over the phone.

_*TO: Allie_

_I’m not entirely sure what’s going on, but I can’t exactly call you now. It’ll be in like an hour, except Greg is waiting for me at home. What the hell happened? Should I be worried about him?*_

“Everything okay?”

Hannah’s soft, but curious voice snaps my thoughts away from my phone and I try my best to appear un-bothered.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Just my brother wondering when I’ll be back s’all.”

She nods and scoots toward me in the spacious backseat. I lock my phone and set it down. I don’t know why the thought of her having any idea about the situation with my brother, his wife, and I flusters me. I can’t stand the thought of her being disappointed in me. Why, though? What the fuck is happening to me?

She rests her head on my shoulder and I rest my hand on her thigh, my thumb rubbing over it gently until I hear soft, steady breaths and I can tell she’s sleeping. I check my silenced phone, hoping to have an explanatory notification from Allison or Greg. I want to know what I’m walking into.

_*FROM: Greg_

_I’ll tell you when you get here. Where the fuck have you been anyway?*_

I can’t tell if he’s mad at me, or just really freaking out in general. While I’m staring at my phone, Allison starts to call. I just told her I can’t talk. Hannah’s sleeping, though. Maybe I can answer without going noticed.

“Hello?”

I half whisper into the receiver.

“Niall?”

“Yeah. What’s going on?”

She sighs and I hear a lot of commotion in the background.

“Don’t be angry, but---shit, I’m gonna have to go. Look, don’t worry about it. Just know that Greg doesn’t know about what happened with us. Just call me later- whenever you’re free-“

“O-okay. I still don’t get what’s happening.”

She keeps talking to someone that must be standing next to her and sounds frustrated.

“I’ll talk to you later, Ni. Love you.”

“Umm-“

Before I can say anything else, I hear a clicking noise and know she has hung up. I set my phone down and decide to not respond to Greg. I’ll talk to him when I get home. I stare out the window and begin to run through the possibilities in my head. She seemed positive that Greg doesn’t know anything, but what the hell else could be happening? I gaze out the windshield and notice that we’ve made it to the highway; nighttime traffic entering the city holding us back. I start to shake my knee anxiously and tap my fingers against the window.

“Something bothering you, son?”

I glance up and I make contact with ice blue eyes. Joe seems to be in his forties, but with the rearview mirror only capturing his eyes, he could be in his sixties. They are surrounded by wrinkles; he must have had a stressful life. I bet that’s what I’ll look like when I’m his age.

“No, sir. Just some family stuff.”

“Ah, where are you from? You obviously aren’t American.”

I chuckle and can tell he’s smiling from the intensified wrinkles in the corners of his eyes.

“Ireland. Been here a couple years.”

He nods and grins. I’m glad he’s kind and warm to me, unlike the other adults I’ve met in this godforsaken town. I feel like we’re on the same level in comparison with the wealthy families of Old Westbury.

“Where am I taking you?”

“Brooklyn. I’ll direct you once we get closer.”

“Awesome. Brooklyn is great. I’ve always told Hannah she’d love it there.”

She definitely would.

“Maybe I’ll get her out there for an evening.”

Joe smiles again and seems to like me. I didn’t expect anyone in connection with Hannah to like me.

“I’ll find a way to sneak her over.”

He winks and glances back at the road, talking without looking back as much.

“So, why did you come to America then?”

I’m obviously not going to tell him the whole story, but I feel comfortable enough to tell him more than my usual reply: School.

“I came with my brother and his wife. We kind of needed to get out of some crappy situations and I wanted to go to school, so it just seemed logical to move here. I love the city, too. I guess it hasn’t all worked out like we would have hoped, but even if Greg goes home, I’m staying.”

“You seem determined. What are you majoring in?”

“Well, I’m not positive yet. Music, for sure. I just need to decide whether to focus on Electronic Production or Contemporary Writing and Production. I’m leaning toward the latter.”

He seems impressed and we sit in silence as the car finally starts to move at a normal pace. I lean against the window and blankly stare at my surroundings. Hannah starts to stir and I’m pretty sure we’re about ten minutes away.

“Why’d you let me sleep so long?”

She groans and falls back onto my shoulder. I chuckle and wrap my other arm around her waist.

“Sorry, love. You seemed tired.”

“We slept the whole day!”

I laugh again and press my lips silently against the side of her head.

“So, when are we going to have that next date?”

I grin and glance nervously at Joe with wide eyes.

“Oh, he’ll be happy about it. Right, Joe?”

“Oh, I like him already. He’s got twice as much human nature than Harry and I only just met him.”

Hannah shoots him a irritated glare and he looks back at her apologetically before returning his focus to the road. Who’s Harry? I decide it’s too soon to ask.

“Uh, I live in Mapleton, by the way. Do you know where that is?”

“Yeah, we should be there soon.”

I nod and turn my focus back to Hannah.

“To answer your question: Whenever you can get out of your house again.”

She scoffs and turns to face me more.

“So, in five years?”

I chuckle and squeeze her knee playfully.

“How about I make an important shopping trip in the city on Wednesday?”

“Wednesday it is. What would you like to do?”

“I want you to surprise me. I want to do something exciting and wild.”

I raise my eyebrows and she rolls her eyes.

“Okay, not too wild. Just make it good.”

She giggles and takes my hand in hers.

“Okay, I’ll ‘make it good’. Oh, and before I forget...I need your number.”

She reaches to take my phone from my lap and I instinctively grab it from her in a hurry. She looks surprised and suspicious as I try to recover from my shady actions.

“I- uh- have to unlock it for you.”

She forces a grin, but I can tell I took her a bit by surprise with my obvious secrecy. It’s not like we’re a couple. She doesn’t seem too offended by my gesture and I unlock my phone, handing it to her after opening a new contact. She saves her number in my phone as Joe pulls onto a more familiar road.

“Where to from here, Niall?”

“Um- make a left on McDonald and a right on 21st. It’ll be the third building on your right. Mapleton Apartments.”

He nods and focuses on my simple directions.

“Here. Text me your name so I can save yours too.”

Her smile is enthusiastic and contagious. I create a message.

*TO: Hannah Kensington

This is the ever so sexy, Niall Horan ;)*

I press send and hear a ding from her purse and she pulls it out, already knowing exactly who it is. She laughs audibly when she looks at it.

“You forgot cocky and delirious.”

She leans forward and leaves a surprise kiss on my unsuspecting lips. I force an exaggerated pout, pretending to be hurt by her words before I lean forward and whisper softly in her ear.

“Oh, I’ll show you cocky.”

I rest my hand on her thigh and gently squeeze it as I pull away. A flash of desire passes over her eyes and she grins.

“Let’s add terrible with pick-up lines to the list.”

I tickle her side and place rough, playful kisses along her jaw. She laughs loudly and I see Joe’s eyes shifting in the mirror. I can’t tell if he’s smiling or not, but he seems to be. The car comes to a complete stop outside of my building and I wish the car ride wasn’t over. Not only do I want to spend more time with Hannah, but I’m completely terrified to face Greg. I breathe deeply and wrap my arms around Hannah, resting my face against the crook of her neck.

“Text me when you get home?”

She kisses my cheek and sits back again.

“Sure will. See you Wednesday. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Hannah.”

I reach for the door handle, but it opens before I can touch it. Joe holds it open and I step out, grabbing my backpack and making sure I have my phone. I extend a hand once Joe closes the door and he takes it, firmly shaking it.

“It was a pleasure to meet you, Niall. I’m glad Hannah’s met someone who seems to understand her. I’ve been waiting for someone like you to come along.”

I’m really not the best thing for her. I don’t know why he seems to think so. Besides, he and I only had a brief conversation.

“I must not be the kind of guy you think I am. I’m nothing special.”

“But, that’s the thing. You are. I haven’t seen her smile like that since...well, probably since she was ten and got to go to the museum with her father.”

I chuckle and actually feel honored that he seems to think I make her happy in some way, even if it’s only temporary.

“Well, thank you, sir. It was great to meet you. I guess I’ll be seeing you Wednesday as well.”

“Yes, you will. Have a good night.”

I wave shortly as he walks away and I smile at Hannah until the shiny car rolls away. I take a deep breath and turn to enter the apartment and face my brother. I walk up the stairs and into the main entrance. I finally reach our door and sigh heavily. Here goes nothing. I open the unlocked door and find Greg standing by the window. I can’t quite place his expression.

“Hey.”

I don’t really know what else to say without gauging his reaction.

“Where were you? Did you just pull up in a Rolls Royce?”

“Long story. Made a new friend.”

I don’t want to tell him about Hannah. Not now, at least.

“Good for you.”

I don’t sense any sarcasm. He seems genuinely happy for me.

“So, what’s going on, Greg?”

He runs his fingers through his hair and starts to pace.

“Allison called me and told me she thinks she’s pregnant and I don’t know, I’m just so scared! She’s back home now and she’s pissed at me. Beyond pissed. She didn’t even seem like she wanted to tell me; she just seemed to mention it out of obligation. Why wouldn’t she tell me before she left? She had to of thought she was this morning, right? It’s like she’s running away-“

 _Pregnant_? What the hell? I don’t understand. It can’t be me, right? I can’t be the father, if there even is a baby. I push that thought aside and try to focus back on Greg. He is ranting, rambling on and on and I can tell he’s confused and scared. Hell, so am I.

“-I know I fucked up, Ni, but maybe this is exactly what we need to mature and be happy. We can be a family. God, I don’t even know. I just don’t even understand how she just realized it. I mean, she wasn’t showing at all, but we haven’t had sex in months. Fuck, what if it isn’t mine?”

Yeah, I’m scared of the same thing. He starts to pace even quicker, back and forth between the couch and television.

“I mean, it has to be mine, right? She doesn’t know anyone here. The only people she spends time with is me and-“

He cuts his sentence short and I look up at him, snapping out of my thoughts and realizing I haven’t said a word or moved at all.

“Niall, she’s not around anyone besides me and you. Ever since we’ve been here. Is there something you’re not telling me?”

I see his face contort from confusion to anger and I try to seem surprised by his accusation.

“No! No, Greg, I-I, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I really fucked myself over by stuttering. Greg knows I only do that when I’m nervous. He’s now standing less than a meter away from me, fists balled at his sides. I back away and immediately hit my back against the door.

“Niall, did you sleep with my wife?”


	9. Chapter 9

**NIALL’S P.O.V.**

“Niall, are you listening to me? Did you sleep with Allison?”

His face is crimson, his eyes bloodshot. He grabs my shirt with one fist and pushes me roughly against the door. I open my mouth, but words don’t come out. I try to think of something to say. Something to save my relationship with my brother. I’ve never felt so low in my life. I always made excuses for what Allison and I did: _‘He doesn’t love her’, ‘He doesn’t treat her right’, ‘It only happened once’._ None of that seems okay in this moment. 

“Fucking tell me! I want to hear you say it!”

He’s yelling, but I can tell that he’s on the verge of tears. I’ve never seen him like this. I want to retort and remind him that he cheated on her, but nothing can make up for what I’ve done.

“I-I’m sorry, Greg. I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

His grip on my shirt tightens and I close my eyes, waiting for him to hit me. Instead, he releases me and turns away. I keep my back against the door and await his explosion. He turns around and is literally choking back tears.

“Move.”

“Greg, what are you doing.”

He puts on his shoes and grabs his coat.

“MOVE!”

He marches toward me and I step out of the way, watching him open the door and exit. He slams the door behind him and the walls shake. I stand in complete shock, a million thoughts running through my head. Before I can come to any conclusions, I pull my phone from my pocket and call Allison.

“Hello?”

“Allison?”

My voice is quivering.

“Niall, what is it? Did Greg tell you?”

“A-are you pregnant?”

She sighs and my chest begins to tighten.

“I’m not sure yet. I took a home test before I came back to Ireland. It’s part of why I left; It was positive, Niall, but I have to see a doctor to find out for sure. They can be wrong sometimes.”

I nearly drop the phone. I can’t feel my body anymore. My skin is numb.

“Would it be mine?”

I swallow hard and sit down on the couch before I topple over.

“Yeah, it would.”

“Fuck. I-I don’t know what to say, Allie.”

“Niall, it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. If I’m pregnant, which we don’t know yet, you won’t have to do anything.”

My heart is racing so fucking fast. I have so many questions to ask her and I try to organize them in my head.

“Are you going to keep it? Hypothetically speaking, I mean.”

I feel better calling it hypothetical instead of making it sound real.

“Yeah, I would. Would you not want me to?”

“No, of course I’d want you to keep it. I can’t imagine killing a baby. I just- shit. I don’t want you to do it alone.”

“Niall, stop. It’ll be fine. Greg thinks it’s his. I’m filing for divorce and my sister is going to help me.”

“Greg knows, Allie. He figured it out.”

She gasps and I feel like my heart is rising in my throat.

“Okay, umm, don’t worry, Ni. This isn’t your problem-“

“But, it is! I’m not a child, Allison. You’re not going to deal with this by yourself. I’ll do everything I can. I’ll get a real job, or- or start selling more-“

“Niall! Stop it! You aren’t changing anything except finishing school and living your life. You’re young and you’re going to do so much with your life.”

“You’re young too, Allie. This is just as much my fault as yours. Why the hell didn’t we use a condom?”

“Because we’re idiots.”

She chuckles and it calms me a bit to hear her laugh.

“What are we going to do, though? Will it know I’m it’s dad? Will it think Greg is?”

“Slow down! We’ll talk about this when I find out if I’m pregnant or not. Don’t get to riled up.”

I take a deep breath and sit back on the couch.

“What did Greg do?”

“He just left.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah. He seemed upset, but he didn’t hit me or anything. He looked like he would.”

“Well, be careful. I need to get some sleep. I’m so jet lagged. Don’t worry about this, Niall, okay?”

“No promises. Night, Allison.”

“Night, Niall. Love you.”

“Yeah, love you.”

I hang up and collapse on the couch, kicking my shoes off and finding a pillow to lay on. I hold my phone in front of me and find a new message.

 

*FROM: Hannah Kensington

I’m almost home. Hope Jess’ parents didn’t call my mom!*

 

God, I wish I was worried about my parents being mad at me. Now I’m worried I’ll _be_ a parent. I grin despite myself because she wants to talk to me. The only light in my life right now. This amazing, beautiful girl. She deserves so much better than me, but I’m selfish and I don’t plan on letting her go.

 

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

*FROM: Niall Horan <3

I hope so, too. I don’t want her screwing up our date ;)*

 

I grin wildly at the screen and daydream about what we’ll do on Wednesday. He’s so... I don’t even know how to describe Niall. I don’t really understand how I feel. He just went home and I already want him back. I love talking to him. I love kissing him. 

Joe snaps me out of my thoughts.

“Are you going to tell me what happened now?”

“Well, Jessica’s parents came home and we were all there. Mom is going to kill me if she finds out I was with him.”

“I don’t mean that. I mean Niall. Tell me about him.”

“Oh. Well, I- I really like him, Joe.”

“I can see that! For the record, I like him, too.”

I giggle and we turn down my street.

“That means a lot, Joe.”

I see him smile and my knee starts to shake as we pull into my driveway. I scan the front of the house and all the lights are out so I breathe a sigh of relief.

“We need to figure out how to get you there on Wednesday, Hannah.”

I can’t help but smile to think about Joe helping me sneak off to the city for a date with Niall.

“Thanks, but I’m pretty sure my best bet is to stick with a plan Harry and I have.”

He cocks an eyebrow and puts the car in park in front of the house.

“I don’t know how to feel about all this ‘trusting in Harry’. I guess I don’t know the whole story, but-“

“Just trust _me_ , Joe. It’s going to work out. My mom will think we’re getting back together and she’ll let me go anywhere with him.”

“Alright, Hannah. Just- I don’t know. I don’t have anything to say that I haven’t already. I’m tired and you must be too; let’s get you inside, kiddo.”

He opens his door and I gather my things from the seat, sending Niall another message.

 

*TO: Niall Horan

Don’t worry, I’ve already got a plan ;)*

 

Joe opens my door and I slip my bare feet out first, holding my shoes in one hand and my purse in the other. He walks me up the steps and unlocks the door for me. When I walk in, I hold my breath, listening closely for any faint noise. Joe pats my shoulder and walks out, shutting the door behind me a bit too loud. I curse him under my breath. I hear movement in the kitchen, followed by a low muttering. A man’s voice.

I instantly freeze. I want to turn around and call Joe back in, but I feel like a concrete slab, unable to move. I see a light turn on in the kitchen and the shadow that follows. Whoever this is, isn’t a burglar or murderer. Does my mom have someone over? I immediately want to puke at the thought. I calm myself down by convincing myself that a criminal wouldn’t be noisily rummaging through our refrigerator. I finally move, stepping one foot in front of the other, slowly approaching the kitchen. I turn the corner, still holding my shoes, purse and phone.

“Dad?”

The familiar man turns to face me, an uneasy grin on his face.

“Hannah Banana. I didn’t think you were gonna come home tonight.”

He puts down a glass of wine and hurries over, wrapping me in a constricting hug. I wiggle around and he finally lets go, ignoring my attempts at escaping his grasp.

“I could say the same for you. What are you doing here? I thought you were in Paris!”

“Well, you don’t seem too happy to see me.”

“Why should I be? Am I supposed to just sit around upset until you come back and then kiss your feet?”

My voice is loud and probably carries through the house, but I don’t care.

“Hannah, calm down. I just want to talk to you-“

“Does mom even know you’re here?”

“Yes, she does. She went to bed and said you were staying at Jessica’s. Can we sit down?”

It pisses me off that he is using such a calm tone with me, like he’s a saint or something. I don’t want to stomp away like a brat, so I sit down in a large wooden chair at our breakfast table. He can’t know how much he’s hurt me.

“Make it quick. I’m tired.”

He chuckles and carries his glass over to the table, sitting across from me nonchalantly.

“I’m not going to France anymore, Hannah.”

My eyes widen and I watch his expression. It’s not apologetic or sad. It’s just matter-of-fact.

“You left her? That woman? I can’t remember her name. Flower or something weird like that.”

“Fleurette.”

He pronounces her name in a terrible French accent.

“And no, I didn’t leave her. She’s going to come live here.”

I drop my fists to the table in exasperation. 

“In Old Westbury?”

“No! No, in the city.”

I stand up in a fury, the chair beneath me screeching back.

“What the hell, dad? I was angry and sad that you were leaving, but this... This is so much worse! How could you bring that gold digging little tramp around for everyone to see? Are you going to make mom meet her, too? I’ll bet she’s my age!”

“Your mom has already met her, Hannah. And she’s in her forties, just like your mother and I.”

I don’t actually care how old she is. He sits coolly, ignoring my name-calling.

“What do you mean, ‘mom met her’?”

“About a month ago. Sweetheart, I know it’s hard for you to understand, but your mom has known about Fleurette for a while now.”

What the hell is he talking about? Why would she have stayed with him if she knew he was having an affair.

“You’re sick.”

He scoffs and sits back, relaxing in his chair. I lean against the table, ready to walk up to my room, until I hear footsteps behind me.

“Arthur? What’s all the yelling about?”

Mom rubs her eyes and looks at me.

“Hannah, why are you home?”

She wraps her robe around her tighter and squints due to the kitchen light.

“I-uh, Harry brought me home.”

Her eyes instantly widen in excitement.

“Harry? You saw Harry again? That’s wonderful!”

“Wonderful? That guy’s a prick.”

Mom gives him a scolding look and I glare, beside myself that my unfaithful father has the nerve to downgrade someone else. We both ignore him, but I’m not done with this subject.

“Can we talk about how you knew dad was having an affair?”

She sighs deeply and rests her hand on my shoulder.

“I figured he told you. Come on, let’s sit.”

I try to think of a reason to deny her request, but I’m way too intrigued to hear this story.


	10. Chapter 10

 

**NIALL'S P.O.V.**

I don't remember falling asleep, but I wake up abruptly, being pulled up by my collar. My initial fear is that someone broke into the house. I mean, I didn't lock the door, but then I give my eyes time to adjust and see that its Greg. He's still holding my shirt and all I can see is the disappointed scowl on his face. I feel like the room is spinning and I can't seem to completely wake up, leaving me stuck in a fog.

"Where'd you go? What time is it?"

"It's four in the morning. I went for a walk. I wanted to make sure I wasn't just doing this out of anger."

I find stability on the floor and he lets go of my shirt, staying right in front of me.

"Doing what?"

"Kicking you out."

"W-what?"

He steps back a little and points toward the door where two duffel bags sit on the ground.

"You heard me. There are the majority of your things. Get out."

"Greg, I-I don't have anywhere to go!"

"Niall, you came home in a Rolls Royce. I'm sure your "new friend" will let you stay with _her_. I can't look at you anymore."

"But, I can't stay with her. She lives with her parents and-"

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you fucked your brother's wife. I'm going to ask you one more time to leave before things get ugly."

I stand there in utter shock. It's one thing to be angry with me or whatever, but he can't kick me out! Well, I guess he can. Fucking hell, I'm such an idiot!

"Greg, I'm really sorry, but you can't kick me out! Besides, its not like she cheated on you first!"

He looks furious. He steps toward me and I stand as tall as I can, puffing out my chest in a natural reaction to his intimidating stance. He's not calm anymore.

"This isn't about her, Niall! It's about you! It's about what YOU did to ME. You crossed the line and I don't know if I'll EVER get over it. Get the FUCK out of my house."

I stand my ground, not moving. I search his eyes for a glimmer of forgiveness and mercy, put I see none. He only looks madder and madder as his fists curl at his sides. He pulls one arm back and before I can even flinch, his knuckles pummel into my face, making my eye feel like its pulsating in pain.

"Jesus fucking christ, Greg!"

"GET OUT!"

I stumble away from the couch and grab the two bags he packed, as well as my back pack, before opening the door. I hold my hand over my eye and turn to look at him one more time. He's seething, his chest rising and falling quickly and sporadically. I feel hot tears reaching my eyes and I close the door before he can see my emotion, running through the hall and down the steps until I find myself in the cool breeze on the sidewalk. I set my things down and plop onto the curb, wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do. What choices do I even have? I pull out my phone and first call Louis.

It rings and rings until finally:

"Hey, you've reached Louis' voicemail. Leave a message."

Normally I would just hang up, but instead I wait for the beep.

"Louis, uh hey, it's Niall. Call me when you get this; it's kind of important. Thanks."

I end the call and stare at the screen. I have another message from Hannah, but I don't open it. Instead, I take a deep breath and call her, feeling more ashamed than I ever have.

The phone rings for a while and I almost hang up, imagining she's sleeping just like Louis and doesn't have her sound on.

"Hello?"

It doesn't even sound like I woke her up.

"Hannah?"

"Hey, Niall. What's wrong? It's like four in the morning."

"Yeah, I'm so so sorry for waking you up-"

"I'm actually still awake, so don't worry."

"Wow, okay, umm..."

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"I-My brother kicked me out."

Silence ensues and I find myself holding my breath as I wait for the impending questions that I'm too humiliated to answer.

"I'm so sorry. You- can you come stay here tonight? I know it's kind of far, but I can sneak you through my balcony door."

The way she asks seems like a plea, as if she needs to convince me.

"Are you sure? I would be forever grateful."

"I'd actually really appreciate it. I could use a friend right now."

"I'll be there in a half hour or so. Traffic shouldn't be bad and I see a cab coming now. Thank you, Hannah."

"No, thank you. I'll text you my address."

I hail a cab and decide to spend the entire car ride thinking of how I can possibly explain to Hannah the stupid mistakes I've made without her hating me.

 

____________

 

"Okay, I put my bags in Joe's car and I'm out back like you told me."

I hold my phone to my ear and look up at the mansion in front of me. I see the light on in what I imagine is her room.

"Alright, I'm coming out to the balcony. You'll see me."

The door opens from the room I suspected to be hers and she steps out onto the long, shallow balcony.

"Hi."

I grin up to her and she waves back cutely.

"I'm gonna roll out this emergency ladder thing for fires."

I chuckle and she sets her phone down as I see her shadow disappear and reappear with a large rolled up ladder. She hooks it onto the balcony and lets it fall, the edge of it almost touching the ground. She picks her phone up again and I hear her giggle excitedly.

"Okay, just be careful. I'll see you in a minute."

I hang up and put my phone in my pocket, tightening my backpack so it doesn't fall off. I had put a change of clothes and my toothbrush in there so I have something for the night. I step forward and pull on the ladder to assure myself that its steady enough. I start to climb and Hannah leans over the edge, waiting for me impatiently. I make it to the top steadily and throw my leg over the balcony edge, happy to land on solid ground again. Before I can say anything, Hannah walks into my open arms and rests her chin on my shoulder, beginning to cry suddenly.

"Shhh. It's okay. We can talk about it."

I really have no idea why she's crying, but I assume her mum found out about us being at Jessica's. It's sad to say, but I'm glad she has something to talk about so we can avoid the subject of my idiocy.

"Okay, come inside."

She wraps her red robe around her tighter and I follow her into a large bedroom, obviously decorated for a younger girl, but it was tastefully done nonetheless. Pristine pink and white is all I can see and I immediately imagine a smaller Hannah reading books and playing with dolls in the seclusion of her dream-like room. 

She plops down on a white couch and I snap out of my imagination and join her, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her closer to me. She rests her hand on my chest and her head on my shoulder, letting out a long sigh. I turn my head awkwardly and place a firm kiss on her temple, followed by an exaggerated, childish imitation of a kissing sound.

"Start talking. Did Jessica's parents call your mum or something?"

"Actually, no. It has nothing to do with that. I just feel like my whole life has been a lie."

"What do you mean?"

She sits up and turns to face me, her hand resting on my thigh. I envelope her hand in mine and stroke her knuckles softly with my thumb.

"Well, I got home and my dad was here. I was shocked, I mean, he was supposed to be gone. Anyway, he told me he isn't going to France anymore-"

"So, he left that woman?"

"That's what I thought, but no. She's moving here instead."

"Here?"

I don't know much about this society, but I'm pretty sure your mistress doesn't move in with your family.

"Well, not here. The city. I thought that was the worst of it, but I had a long talk with both of my parents and found out that my mom has known about this woman for a while and is totally okay with it. They've been cheating on each other for years, Niall. They both knew it and dad was just the first one to fall in love with someone. They made this dumb deal to stay together until one of them found someone else they really wanted to be with. It just- I don't know, it makes my family feel like a sham. Now, I just have these questions bouncing around in my head and I keep thinking back to all of these things that have happened over the years and I'm piecing it all together. It seems to have fallen apart after Max died, but even before that, they never wanted to be together. It kills me, because my mom was forced into marrying dad the same way she's trying to force me into marrying Harry and I don't understand how she can do that. She knows how it feels!"

I've done really good so far in not interrupting her.

"Wait, who's Harry?"

This is the second time I've heard his name and I don't like the context its used in. Before, I didn't ask and its probably still too soon and too personal. I hardly know this girl and have no right to be jealous. Yet, I am. She clenches her lips together as if she hadn't meant to mention him.

"It's not what you think. I- well, I guess I can tell you, but you have to promise not to tell anyone, okay? I just don't want to start off on the wrong foot with lies."

If only she knew what I'm hiding.

"I promise not to tell anyone, Hannah."

"Well, Harry is my ex-boyfriend. He was a jerk and I never wanted to see him again. He's the next generation of the Sinclair family though, so my mom is always pushing me toward him. Anyway, she forced me to go to his house for tea today. That's where I was before I came to Jessica's."

She's talking really fast and I can tell she feels anxious talking about it.

"Well, he asked me to get back with him and when I practically left his house right then and there, he decided to explain himself."

I don't see where this is going. Is she just telling me about how she's getting back with her ex-boyfriend?

"He told me that he's seeing someone and wants me to date him 'publicly' to make our parents happy. I agreed because, well, I mean..."

She trails off and motions her hand between us.

"What?"

"I don't want you thinking I'm crazy or anything, but hypothetically speaking, if we were to start dating or something, I would need a cover."

"Oh."

I try to hide that her words hurt me a little. I already feel as if I'm not good enough for her, but I know it isn't her fault. Surely, her mom would hate me. She plays with the tie on her robe nervously and realizes what she said.

"I really don't mean that in a bad way. It's part of why I like you so much."

"Becuase your parents won't?"

"No, because you aren't a part of the large percentage of pompous assholes they'd like to see me with. Mom, at least. I'm starting to appreciate how dad sees it a little more."

"Wait. Who is that guy dating for it to be so taboo?"

She looks at me, indecision covering her expression.

"I guess you don't have to tell me-"

"No, it's fine. I need to talk to someone about it."

I squeeze her hand lightly and urge her to go on.

"It's a guy."

"Oh, that explains it."

I chuckle in relief. I don't feel nearly as intimidated knowing that her ex is gay. I don't know why I had the right to care before, but I did.

"Yeah, but Niall, you really can't tell Louis. I- god, I'm stupid. I hardly know you and I'm telling you his deep, dark secrets."

"I'm not going to tell Louis, Hannah. I promised not to tell anyone! You have an Irishman's word."

"I'm pretty sure they say to never trust an Irishman."

"Pft. Who's they?"

She giggles as I reach over and gently pinch at her side.

"Probably people who have previously trusted Irishmen."

She shrugs matter-of-factly and I push her onto her back and pin her down beneath me playfully. I hold her wrists above her head and we laugh togethe, getting lost in each other's gaze.

"Smartass."

She grins and I stay in place, simply admiring her searching brown eyes. I lean down slowly and softly peck her light pink lips, keeping it chaste and meaningful. I release her arms and tuck mine under her back, pulling her closer to me and sitting us both up, locking our lips tighter and moving them more swiftly. She suddenly pulls away and rests her legs over my lap and draping her arms over my shoulders.

"So, why did you get kicked out?"

I've avoided it thus far and I don't really want to expose myself for the idiot that I am quite yet.

"Something with my brother. Can we talk about it in the morning? I'm exhausted."

"Of course."

She stands up and I stretch out on the couch, kicking my shoes off and placing them carefully on the floor.

"What are you doing?"

"Going to sleep."

She sits on the opposite end of her bed and scoffs.

"You can sleep in my bed. I locked my door."

I was hoping she would ask, but I didn't want to impose any more than I already have. I grin and hop up, pulling my shirt off, followed by my jeans. She slips off her robe, revealing a tight tank top and extremely tight shorts. I gulp and slip under her covers in only my boxers, mostly to hide my imminent erection. I don't mind her knowing I have one, but it's quite embarrassing how easily it's happening. I silently remind myself about our promise and how I don't want to ruin things with her as she turns off the light from a remote and scoots closer to me. I extend my arm and she slides agaisnt me, resting her head in the curve of my neck. I peck her nose and lips quickly and she nuzzles into me more.

"Goodnight, Niall."

"G'night, Hannah."

I fall asleep with a smile on face, despite the massive amount of problems I've gotten myself into in the past twenty-four hours. I'll think about all of that tomorrow.


	11. Chapter 11

 

**HANNAH'S P.O.V.**

I wake up to the sun filling my room. I can tell by the brightness that it's very early and I mentally kick myself for not closing the curtains when Niall arrived last night. I was a wreck and I can't believe I put my stupid drama before his and he doesn't even have a place to live. I rub my eyes and carefully lift Niall's heavy arm off of my waist and start to slide out of the sheets. As soon as the layers of blankets leave my body, I shiver. My room is freezing. I pick up my phone from the nightstand and have more notifications than usual, which scares me a bit considering the events of last night.

 

*FROM: Jess

I'm sorry about last night. Call me when you can.*

 

*FROM: Dad

Hey sweetie, I left, but I'm going to be in the city. Come see me when you're less angry. I love you.*

 

I roll my eyes and close his message, not even knowing how to respond.

 

*FROM: Harry

Hey, we should go to lunch and discuss things in detail. Let me know what day is good for you. Thank you again.*

 

I decide to reply to him when Niall wakes up, not exactly knowing what my day will consist of yet. Lastly, I open a dreaded message from my mother. 

 

*FROM: Mom

Hi, I know you're still mad at me so I figured I'd leave you alone, but I'll be gone all day. There should be something to eat in the fridge.*

I toss my phone aside, extremely relieved that she isn't here.

 Sitting back in my bed, I look over and examine the owner of the soft snores next to me. Niall's hair is all over the place and I never realized how long it really is until now. I giggle and let my eyes drift farther down. I gasp as I notice a dark bruise covering his right eye. I must have been louder than I realized because he shifts in his sleep and finally opens his eyes, the bruise preventing the swollen one from opening completely.

He winces in pain when he brings his hand up to his face, thoughtlessly rubbing his eye.

"Oh my god, did I punch you in my sleep?"

He chuckles and sits up a bit, not at all surprised by the discomfort he's obviously experiencing.

"No, Hannah. You didn't."

He leans against his elbow on the mattress and his biceps tighten and I catch myself staring.

"What the hell happened, then?"

"Uh, my brother hit me. When he kicked me out."

I instantly feel sorry for Niall, but I remember how he spoke of his brother to me. They seemed really close. What could possibly have lead him to punch Niall?

"Greg, right? You said we'd talk about it in the morning..."

My voice trails off and I stare at him questioningly, watching his expression to make sure I'm not pushing the subject too far. He lays back down, facing me and I follow his lead, dropping my head onto my pillow again. He gazes into my eyes and I watch him mentally search for the right words to say.

"It's really my fault. I can't even blame him for it."

My body tenses as a flood of emotion passes over his eyes. He takes a deep breath and rests his hand on my forearm. His thumb lightly runs over my skin and he stares at our contact, unable to look me in the eyes.

"Allison and him have been distant for a while now. They've been fighting so much and he's just such a dick sometimes. I found out he had been cheating on her too, but-"

Too? Different possibilities run wild in my head, but I don't really know where he's going with this, so I scoot closer to him to make him feel a little more comfortable. I want him to know I won't judge him. What right do I have?

"But, what? Don't worry, Niall. You can tell me."

He finally looks up and forces a grin while a single tear rolls down his cheek. 

"I can't believe what I did, Hannah. I- I slept with her. With Allison."

I observe the realization of what he's done officially hit him. He rolls over, facing away from me and covers his face with his hands. I sit up and move closer to him, resting my hand on his shoulder. Sobs overtake him and I can see the distress he's in over the mistake he made.

"Niall, shhh. It's okay."

He turns around abruptly and I jump back a bit, surprised by his outburst.

"No, it's not! I kept trying to tell myself it was, but it isn't. Sure, he cheated too, but it's not even about that. It's about what I did! He's my brother for fuck's sake!"

He sits up and leans his bare back against my headboard. I brush a piece of hair away from his face, causing him to look at me. He immediately turns his focus to a random spot on my wall.

"Hey, look at me."

He reluctantly turns to face me and when our eyes meet, my heart sinks at his expression.

"It was wrong, okay? But, you realize that! I hardly know you and one of the first things you told me was how closer you and your brother are. You love him. It was a mistake; you weren't trying to hurt him. Did it only happen once?"

He nods his head, obviously ashamed of himself.

"Alright, and you said they were already having issues, right? It doesn't make it okay, but it's not like you single-handedly tore them apart."

He wraps his arm around me and we both settle back into the pillows.

"So, you don't hate me for it?"

I adjust my position so that I'm propped up on my elbow and lean over, my face inches from his.

"I have no reason to hate you, Niall."

He opens his mouth to speak, but I stop him with my lips against his, moving slowly and passionately together. Niall pulls me on top of him so that our bodies are pressed together. It feels natural and fluid as my legs rest on either side of his hips. Niall's hands travel down my spine and find their way to my behind, his fingers pressing into my skin roughly. I whimper into his mouth and pull away, sitting up and resting my hands on his chest. 

"Uh oh, already breaking a rule! Hands above the waist."

I scold him playfully and he releases his hands, holding them up as if he's been caught by the cops.

"I'm sure you straddling me goes against the rules too."

I lean over and peck his soft lips.

"We never said that, but if you say so..."

I start to kick my leg over, but he catches me around my waist and holds me in place.

"I'm okay with it if you are."

I giggle and lay back on his torso, running my fingers through his messy hair. He lifts his head so that our lips meet again and he rolls us both over until he's pinning me against the bed, leaving light kisses along my jawline. 

"We should-"

My words are cut off by his phone ringing near the couch. He jumps up and scurries over in his tight boxers to his backpack. God, he looks so good. He searches for his phone and finally finds it in his jeans.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Louis, yeah..." he paces the floor and looks around my room, "I got kicked out and I didn't know who else to call-"

He sits on the edge of my bed and I reach over for my phone as he continues to talk to Louis. I respond to Harry's message only.

 

*TO: Harry

Today might be okay. I'll call you later :)*

 

"Okay, yeah, I stayed with Hannah last night..."

He laughs at something Louis says and I can't help but smile at his hearty laugh.

"Not like that."

He glances at me and winks as he sits back under the covers, obviously cold like I am.

"Okay, thanks mate. Yeah, I'll head over around lunch time. Bye."

He hangs up and tosses his phone aside, immediately pulling me back to him.

"God, your room is freezing."

"I know. So what did Lou say?"

"He said I can stay with him for a bit. He's living in the pool house and his parents won't even know."

"Perfect. You know, if you close the curtains, we can go back to sleep!"

He chuckles and kisses my ice-cold nose before standing up and jogging over to the window. He shuts the curtains tight and bounces back to my bed, shivering.

"Now cuddle me, love."

He pouts and I giggle, eagerly giving in to his request. I snuggle into his warm chest and his arms wrap around my shoulders protectively.

"Your mum isn't going to barge in, is she?"

"Nope, she texted me. She's gone all day."

"Perfect."

"Do you need ice or something for your eye?"

"I'm too tired to think about it right now. It doesn't hurt too bad. I'll let you doctor me when we wake up."

"Okay, I just don't want you to be in pain."

"Don't worry, babe. You're already making it feel better."

His sweet words make me smile. He kisses my forehead and we both wiggle around in the dark until we find a comfortable position. As I drift off into a peaceful slumber, for a moment, I wonder if there's more he isn't telling me. However, before I can give it much thought, my consciousness quickly fades while I'm still grinning against Niall's shoulder.


	12. Chapter 12

**NIALL’S P.O.V.**

I wish I could go back to sleep, but now that my mind is racing again, sleep feels impossible. I feel relieved for a few reasons: Louis is letting me stay with him and Hannah knows about Allie and I. I just couldn’t tell her everything. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her about the baby, or the possibility of a baby.

I don’t know what to think anymore, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her after she handled my first confession so well.

I glance down at Hannah’s sleeping figure and grin to myself. I can’t help it because she looks so calm when she’s sleeping. Normally she’s a little on edge, but with her eyes relaxed shut, she just looks beautifully at ease. 

She’s been asleep for about an hour now and every once in a while, she nuzzles into my neck a bit more. My fingers twirl through her hair and I continue to watch her un-worried disposition. I grin to myself and decide that watching her sleep is much more enjoyable than trying to face my newfound issues. Because even though the past few days have stirred up a lot of trouble, they’ve also brought me Hannah and for some reason, that’s the most important thing.

I can’t even make sense of it; I hardly know this girl, yet she’s the first person since I’ve moved to America that I feel a real connection to. Louis and Jessica are great, and I’m glad to have them as well, but Hannah is different. Something about her makes me want to never lose her and I haven’t even got her now. She’s not mine. I need to keep reminding myself of that before I get ahead of myself.

Hannah shifts a little and moves her head back to my chest, slowly opening her eyes. It’s pretty dark in here with the curtains shut, but I can tell her eyes adjust quickly when she smiles up at me sleepily.

“I’m hungry, Hannah.”

I really am. I honestly can’t remember the last time I ate something. I pout pathetically and she giggles, sitting up against her pillows.

“Then, let’s take care of that. I’ll make you breakfast.”

“You’re going to cook? You don’t have a chef or anything?”

I chuckle and she sticks her tongue out at me.

“No, we do not. I’m quite the cook myself.”

“You’ll have to prove it, babe.”

I scoot closer and peck her on the cheek as she giggles.

“Challenge accepted.”

She hops out of bed and walks over to a door in front of her bed, which I would imagine is her bathroom. I throw the covers off and walk over to my backpack, quickly finding a loose pair of joggers and pulling them on. I sit on the couch and look at my phone again. No new notifications. It’s not like I expect Greg to speak to me, but something deep within me hopes he at least acknowledges me. Something.

“Okay, what are you feeling like? Pancakes? Waffles? Bacon?”

I stand up and pocket my phone as Hannah walks out of the bathroom and takes a hoodie off of a nearby chair, slipping it on and zipping it halfway.

“Mmmm, I’ll have whatever you feel like making me, love.”

I approach her, wrapping my arms around her from behind. I place a single kiss on the back of her neck before she turns around to face me. She rests her hands on my bare shoulders and presses her lips to mine, taking my breath away for a moment. Hannah’s tongue slips through my lips and tastes like spearmint. I pull back and run my hands down her back, stopping just above her hips.

“See? This isn’t fair. You brushed your teeth and I still have morning breath.”

She giggles and kisses me one more time, pulling away with a smack.

“Well, you go brush your teeth and I’ll meet you in the kitchen. It’s just at the bottom of the stairs.”

“Alright. See you in a sec.”

She unlocks the door and slips out quickly. I gather my toothbrush from my backpack and walk into the bathroom, leaving the door cracked open. I take a piss and walk over to the sink, rinsing off my face and brushing my teeth. I need to take a shower after we eat. I sincerely wish Hannah and I were at the point where we could shower together, but I really want to stick to our plan. Hannah’s special and she deserves to feel that way.

Once I make it out of her bedroom door, the smell of bacon hits me and my stomach growls in response. I hop down the stairs and Hannah turns as I make it to the bottom.

“I hope you’re really hungry!”

I look at the stove and laugh at the large amount of food she’s preparing for the two of us.

“Extremely. It smells so good.”

I stand behind her and rest my chin on her shoulder, placing my hands on the front of her hips.

“Thank you. We’ve got bacon, eggs scrambled with cheese, pancakes, and some fruit.”

She points to each item as she speaks and I step aside, leaning against the counter and snacking on some grapes nearby.

“Coffee?”

“Wow, you really outdid yourself.”

She hands me a mug and points to a single serve coffee maker to my right.

“I didn’t say I’d make it for you. Creamer’s in the fridge.”

 

_______

We sit at the large wooden table in Hannah’s kitchen area as I dig in to my second serving.

“Alright, you’ve proven yourself. I want you to cook every meal for me.”

She laughs and takes a sip of her orange juice.

“I’m not your butler. You’ll have to cook for me next.”

“Hope you like cereal.”

She smiles brightly and I shove another forkful of eggs in my mouth as we hear a click of the front door opening.

“Shit. Niall, hide!”

I jump up and run through the nearest door I see. I don’t even know where it’s going to take me, but I can’t think straight. It must be her mum, right? Fuck, I forgot to grab my plate. I hope she doesn’t notice two plates on the table.

I find myself in a dark room, but the outline of large sofas tells me this is the living room. I stand behind the door, up agains the wall, silently listening for a conversation. I hear mumbling and I swear the other voice is deep like a man’s.

“Niall! You can come out, it’s just Joe!”

I let out a sigh of relief and reappeared in the doorway, sort of wishing I had put on a t-shirt upstairs. Joe is standing in the kitchen, making his own cup of coffee. When I join them, he shakes his head and laughs.

“You could have at least been wearing a shirt, man. Charlotte would have flipped if it was her and not me.”

I assume Charlotte is Hannah’s mum.

“Oh, I’m glad you find it humorous! Ya scared the shit out of me.”

“Good! Maybe you two should be more careful. What are you doing here anyway?”

He picks up a piece of fruit from the bowl and leans his back against the cabinet.

“Uh, my brother kicked me out. I didn’t know where else to go.”

He nods a simple sign of apology.

“Well, I wouldn’t make a habit of it if I were you. You’re just lucky she’s out of the house all day.”

Hannah gathers our mostly empty plates from the table and carries them to the sink. I can tell she’s still a bit shaken up.

Before I can say anything else, my phone starts to ring loudly, making me jump before pulling it out frantically. I hope that it’s Greg, but that prospect also terrifies me. My heart settles down and sinks when I see it’s not him.

“Hey, Louis.”

“Hey, man! I can come get you in an hour if you’ll be ready. I’ll show you around town.”

“Uh, alright. Yeah, I just need a shower, but I’ll be ready.”

I watch Hannah’s faint smile slowly fade, but I really can’t turn Louis down when he’s letting me stay with him.

“Sweet. See you in a bit.”

“Thanks, mate. It means a lot. Bye.”

“When will he be here?”

Hannah finishes rinsing a plate and forces a tight grin.

“Um, in an hour. Do you mind if I use your shower?”

She dries her hands and meets me on the other side of the counter.

“Of course. I’ll go up with you and give you a towel.”

I nod and grab her hand as we walk toward the stairs.

“No funny business, guys! Not while I’m here.”

Joe hollers up the stairs and we both laugh. I really admire Joe. I think he’s a really important part of Hannah’s life, whether he realizes it or not. She really looks up to him and values his opinion and I can tell that he honestly cares about her feelings, not just her social status, like her mother.

Once we make it to Hannah’s room, she releases my hand and walks into the bathroom. I follow her and pull my sweats off, letting them pool at my feet. I step out of them as she stands up from the cabinet under her sink, holding a fresh white towel in her hand. Hannah clears her throat, trying desperately not to look at my underwear. She hands the towel to me and I hang it on the wall. I step inside the tiled shower and look at the silver knobs.

“So, how exactly does this work?”

Hannah walks in and stands next to me, trying to push me aside.

“Uh, let me show you-“

As she speaks, I turn the knob on warm and water rushes straight out of the shower head, onto Hannah and I both.

Her mouth gapes open and my eyes open wide, worried as to how she’ll react. To my relief, she starts to laugh loudly as the water falls onto her head. I chuckle when she does, glad that she’s laughing and not yelling at me.

“I’m so sorry. That was entirely by accident.”

She slips off her hoodie and tosses it into the corner of the shower.

“Sure it is. I think you just wanted to get me in the shower with you.”

She turns and wraps her arms around my neck.

“Well, that wasn’t the plan, but I’m definitely not complaining now.”

I hook my thumbs into her shorts, resting the palms of my hands on her bum, keeping them on top of the cloth.

“You’re breaking the first rule.”

I scoff and lean in closer, until my mouth is practically on hers.

“Can we forget that rule? I regret making it alre-”

She crashes her lips into mine, not letting me finish my sentence. Her back arches as our kiss becomes more heated, pushing her hips involuntarily into mine. A small moan escapes my lips from the close contact and she breathes heavily through her nose, clutching onto the hair on the back of my head.

I forget about any decency I intended to have and slip my hands into her tight shorts. I claw at her bum, desperately trying to pull her closer to me, even though that’s impossible. Hannah bites on my bottom lip and pulls it toward her as she moves her face away from mine.

“I should probably leave you to it so Lou isn’t waiting.”

I pull my hands away and she steps back, pecking me on the lips once more before leaving the shower completely. I hear her get another towel and I peak my head out as I slip out of my boxers, which are quite tight as my length hardens from her touch. As Hannah dries off and makes her way to the door, I call out after her.

“Does this count as the second date?”

“Sure does!”

She turns and winks at me before disappearing behind a closed door.

I mentally slap myself. I’m rushing this. The point of our deal was to take things slowly and I’m already ready for our five dates to be over. I decide I’m going to have to make the last three good. Not just good, amazing.

Right now, though, I really just feel the need to relieve the stiffness in my lower region and get out of her house before I really screw everything up.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

 

As soon as I leave the bathroom, I let out an exasperated breath. I know he is intent on waiting to get physical, but I’m also determined to be spontaneous and exciting. In any other circumstances, a guy like Niall would be the perfect way for me to do that. However, something is holding him back. I would like to believe it’s because of the selfless reasons he professes, but something tells me there’s more to it. Despite it all, I’m falling for him fast. Louis is getting him soon and I plan on spending the afternoon with Harry.

I’m glad I told Niall about Harry. He doesn’t need to worry about my ‘relationship’ with him anymore and I actually have someone I can turn to if it all becomes a bit confusing. Besides, I feel like I can trust Niall, even more so since he told me about his sister-in-law and revealed the skeletons in his closet to me.

I pull out my phone as I finish cleaning up the kitchen from breakfast, easily finding Harry’s number and watching Joe’s expression as he reads the newspaper.

“Hey, Hannah. So, you think today will be good for us to have lunch?”

“Yeah, that’s why I was calling. How does one sound?”

I hear muffled noise in the background that I can’t make out.

“Perfect. I’ll pick you up at one. I-uh gotta go.”

He hangs up before I can say goodbye and I clutch my phone in my hand as I hear some bumping around from upstairs. I giggle to think of Niall trying to make his across the bathroom in only a towel and his hair dripping wet. Suddenly that image fades from funny to extremely appealing. 

Now that he’s obviously out of the shower, I need to hurry and take my own since I only have an hour and a half before Harry is here. I wish I could spend a little more time with Niall before Louis arrived, but at least he’ll be close by for a while. Before I can make my way up the stairs, a hard thud sounds at the front door and I roll my eyes to think that it’s probably Louis. I at least wanted a few minutes to make out or _something_.

I turn to face the door and sheepishly glance over to Joe. He looks up, feeling my stare on him and rolls his eyes, throwing down the newspaper and mumbling something like ‘alright, alright’. He makes his way to the door, but not before Louis knocks again, even louder.

“Christ! I’m coming!”

I think our household wins the prize for most bizarre in town. Not only because of the way we greet house-guests and ‘hang out’ with the chauffeur, but also because of my parents recently revealed unconventional marriage.

Before Joe opens the door, I run up the stairs, hoping to make it before Louis realizes I escaped socializing with him for the moment. Surely we won’t have long anyway until Louis runs up the stairs and barges in, which is exactly why I lock the door behind me once I’m on the other side staring at Niall in fresh boxers.

“You look like you’ve just run from a killer. You alright?”

We walk toward each other and meet in the middle of my room.

“Worse. A kidnapper.”

He cocks an eyebrow at me, not sure what I mean.

“Louis’ here to take you away.”

He wraps his arms around my waist daintily and chuckles before leaving a soft kiss on my forehead.

“So, you’re just going to keep me locked in here forever. Who am I, Rapunzel?”

“Yes, and I’m going to keep you locked away in a tower forever so no one else can have you.”

He leans forward and his lips softly brush against mine as he whispers.

“Well, I still have to take you on three proper dates before _you_ can even have me, so maybe you should wait until then.”

I scoff and my eyes downshift, unable to grasp the closeness of our bodies and his antagonizing lack of clothes.

“You’re really making me think you don’t like me, Niall.”

I’m joking, in a way, but he takes my statement entirely too seriously and lifts my chin with his index finger and thumb delicately.

“Hey, that’s the exact opposite of why I’m doing this. I’ve never lied to you, Hannah. I’m only doing this because I care too much for my own good and it scares the shit out of me.”

I force myself to hold eye-contact even though I so badly want to turn away. I don’t even know where this sudden outburst came from, but I feel like this is all a bit silly for people our age.

“I’m glad the thought of sleeping with me scares you-”

“Stop putting words into my mouth. That’s not how I said it. I’m scaring myself because I’m not used to caring. Hannah, I want you to realize that I’m being completely honest with you. I don’t know how else to explain it. I’m just- fucked up- but, I’m trying. I just want to do this the right way. I want to fall in love _the right way._ ”

Love? My heart flutters at his choice of words and I can’t help but to grin. I feel childish for how I reacted because in reality, Niall is so mature and serious, even though he seems the explicit contradiction. One thing is absolute; he’s completely paradoxical. Maybe I should be afraid that this boy I’ve only just met is mentioning falling in love, but then again, something indescribable within me is excited for that inevitable outcome.

“I don’t understand you.”

His nose skims fondly over mine.

“It’s alright, love, neither do I.”

I giggle and wrap my arms tightly around his neck, kissing him desperately for only a moment before the doorknob jiggles and a pounding ensues.

“Why is this door locked? Hannie! Niall! Open up! You better not be naked.”

We both laugh in slight frustration as Louis whines at the door. I break away from Niall’s comforting hold and walk over to the door as he continues to get dressed. As I swing the door open, Louis hops in and immediately jumps on my bed.

“You are the most impatient person I’ve ever known, Louis William Tomlinson.”

“Ahh, using middle names, Hannie?”

“Using stupid nicknames from junior high school, LouLou?”

He sticks his tongue out at me and Niall walks over, now in jeans, pretending to break up a fight.

“Come on now, guys. Play nice.”

Louis chuckles and lays back on my bed.

“Hurry up, Nialler. We’ve got plans.”

Niall looks at him inquisitively.

“Plans?”

“Xbox and weed. All day. It’s already noon!”

His casual statement arouses my interest.

“Shit, noon? I have to take a shower!”

“Wha-Why? Where are you going?”

I suddenly remember that I never told Louis about, well- anything involving Harry in the past couple days.

I glance over at Niall when I speak, so he knows I’m fibbing on purpose.

“I have to meet my mom in the city to go shopping. Supposed to leave at one.”

Niall gives me a knowing glance and Louis seems to be convinced as he rolls his eyes.

“Girls. Who takes an hour to get ready for shopping with their mother?”

I disappear behind the bathroom door and hear Niall’s muffled response.

“I don’t know, you’re the posh one.”

I turn on the shower and start to undress, hanging my towel just outside the curtain. After a couple minutes, the boys knock and say a quick goodbye, followed by a ‘I’ll call you’ from Niall. I grin to myself and try to hurry as much as possible as I prepare to see Harry.

 

______________

 

 

 

“Hey, Harry.”

I slide into the limo, sort of wondering why he didn’t come up to the door, calling me instead. Then, I see the reason.

“Liam! It’s good to see you!”

He scoots up in his seat and gives me a hug. I haven’t seen him in about a year, when Louis’ sister got married.

“You too, Hannah. It’s been a while. How is my dear cousin, Louis, by the way?”

I grin and pull back, sitting across from my ex and his boyfriend.

“Good, he actually was just here an hour ago picking up Ni- my- uh, I don’t know what to call him.”

I giggle nervously and settle back in my seat a the car starts to move.

“So, where exactly are we going?”

Harry looks over at Liam and then back to me. He looks so happy. It’s a side of Harry I’ve never seen.

“We have something to show you. It’s in the city.”

Liam reaches over and holds Harry’s hand firmly.

“Then, perhaps a late lunch/early dinner?”

I nod enthusiastically and smile at their entertained fingers against Harry’s thigh as the long drive begins.

I pull my phone out of my purse and check my messages.

 

*FROM: Niall

I hope I didn’t scare you with the ‘L word’.*

 

I grin at the illuminated screen and start typing excitedly.

 

*TO: Niall

Yeah, you’re getting a little too clingy... Kidding! You didn’t say you love me... there’s nothing wrong with what you said. It was endearing.*

 

I look back at previous messages and smile stupidly at my phone.

“Are you going to tell me about him?”

I’m snapped out of my moment of sentiment by Harry’s voice laced in humor and curiosity.

“Uh- who?”

Of course I know who he means.

“The guy you’re smiling for even though he isn’t here. I’m going to go out on a limb and say he’s the same one who was here this morning...”

Harry’s voice trails off and he winks suggestively making me blush as they both lean forward, waiting for me to spill it all.

“Well, his name is Niall...”

I continue to tell them everything from the first night we met, to the crazy weekend that followed, ending with the sweet text he sent minutes before. Liam responds first.

“Wow, he seems like a great guy. That’s pretty special if he’s like, trying not to rush things.”

I nod and turn to Harry as he begins to speak.

“Are you sure you can trust him after he betrayed his own brother like that?”

I try not to laugh at the irony of it all: Harry trying to make sure a boy isn’t going to hurt me.

“I think I can. I mean, he knows he made a mistake. The fact that he was up front with me about is a big deal too. He didn’t have to tell me. We just met.”

Harry shrugs as if to say, ‘just watch your back’ but Liam gives me a thumbs up once his boyfriend is looking the other way.

_________

 

We pull up to a tall building near Central Park that I can’t quite see yet, but once the door is open, Harry steps out and offers me a hand, helping me out of the long black limousine. I start to pull away as Liam climbs out behind us, but Harry tightens his grip, speaking softly.

“Don’t let go. You’re our cover.”

I nod and smile curtly at the doorman, noticing the sign behind him.

“Why are we at a hotel, Harry?”

“You’ll see.”

Liam follows just behind us, looking like a proper chaperone, even though that’s really my role in this all. We make our way to the elevator and once inside, Harry releases my hand and slips his arm around Liam’s waist instead. He pulls his wallet out of his back pocket and hands me a key card.

“Here Hannah, hold this up to the sensor and press the top button.”

I grab the card from his hand and press the button as he directed. The elevator shoots up and we make our way to the penthouse. I can’t help but grin as Liam and Harry whisper to each other between small, chaste kisses. I’m so happy to feel like I’m finally starting to understand Harry. He was just kept from the person he is and that’s exactly what’s been wrong in my life. 

When the elevator doors slide open, my eyes go wide in astonishment.

It’s nothing like I’ve ever seen. Sure, it’s just as nice as the homes in Old Westbury, but the style is much more modern and fun. The walls are white to match the marble floors. The foyer is gorgeous, accent colors flourishing from artwork and pillows scattered on pure white couches.

“Harry, this- this is beautiful.”

He walks over and rests his elbow on my shoulder.

“Well, I’m glad you like it.”

“What exactly is it? Like is it yours?”

He chuckles and urges me to follow him into the living room. The decor is beautiful, classy and contemporary.

“If you like it, it’s partially yours.”

I turn slowly to face him, shock commandeering my expression.

“W-what?”

The three of us sit in the living room, Liam and Harry sat close together.

“I know you like the city and need a reason to be here. Obviously your mom isn’t going to let you move here; mine won’t either. However, I know we can make it here on weekends or something if we’re ‘together’.”

I don’t even know what to say. I’m taken aback and completely awestruck.

“It’s brilliant, Harry! Oh my god! It’s fucking perfect!”

I clasp my hand over my mouth to contain my excitement.

“I’m sorry, I’m just- Wow! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

I rush over and practically tackle them both on the couch in a bear hug.

“No, Hannah. Thank you. It really means so much to us that you’re helping out until things get sorted out with my parents. Liam has his own place too, so we won’t be here often. It’s really at your disposal. Consider it a runaway place or a safe house.”

If anyone else were to spend this kind of money on me, I would be mortified. I know it doesn’t affect the Sinclairs’ bank account in any way, though, and it’s a relief to know that I have some sort of options. I can’t wait to show Niall and it scares me that he’s the first person I want to share this with.

I hardly know him and he’s taking over my every thought.

“Thank you so much. It’s perfect.”

“Seriously, it’s the least I could do. Right now, though, can we go eat? I’m starved.”

I grin and stand up from the couch, Liam and Harry following suit.

“Yes, but can we please come back after?”

“Of course! I believe some celebratory champagne will be in order.”

I can really get used to the freedom my fake relationship with Harry is providing. I don’t mind the friendships I’m gaining from it either.

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**NIALL’S P.O.V.**

 

Walking into Louis’ guest house was a bit unnerving since his parent’s are completely unaware of my existence, but I’m entirely comfortable now. We’ve smoked three bowls between us in the past couple hours and ‘Call Of Duty’ is making less and less sense. Either way, we’re still playing and I haven’t heard from Hannah since around one. I was nervous that she would be thrown by what I had said to her in her room, but I was only telling the truth. I know it seems forward and perhaps weird, but I’m trying to be mature and realistic about this because I can see myself falling in love with this girl and I’m not the kind to play games just because society suggests it.

“Dude, I think I’m done. We need snacks.”

Louis tosses his controller on the couch and stands up, walking over to the kitchen and searching through cabinets. I fish my phone out of my pocket and unlock it. How do I still not have a message from Hannah? I open my messages and chuckle when I realize it’s actually me who never responded. I had stared at her message for a few minutes and ended up being too distracted by Louis to respond, even though I thought I did.

 

*TO: Hannah

So sorry, I thought I responded but I’ve been pretty baked. How has your day been?*

 

While I’m still staring at the screen of my phone, deeply wishing my brother would speak to me, even though I have no idea what I can even say to break the ice, Louis tosses a chip bag at my head.

“Oi, what was that for?”

“Just doing you a favor. You can’t tell me you don’t want to eat for days right now.”

He’s right. My mind is reacting quite slowly with every move I make and the only thing I’m positive about right now is that I’m hungry and once I start eating the chips, I don’t stop until the bag is entirely empty.

After staring at the ceiling for a while and drifting off into sporadic naps, I check my phone again and have a new message, which I assume to be from Hananh. However, Greg’s name pops up, sending a spark of worry and excitement through my body.

“Dude, what’s up? Why are you all jumpy now?”

Louis sits up on the couch across from me, watching my face light up.

“My brother messaged me.”

My fingers shake as I unlock my phone and I finally open the message I didn’t expect for a long while.

 

*FROM: Greg

Meet me at 5 at the cafe by your school. We need to talk.*

 

Short. To the point. And immensely fear-inspiring.

“Are you ever going to tell me why he kicked you out?”

“Uh, maybe. He wants me to meet him in the city at five. I need to call a cab and-“

“Nah, you can take my car.”

My eyes shoot open in surprise. Louis has been so generous already, but his car is another thing entirely. It itself costs more than... anything I own put together.

“Louis, I can’t-“

“Nonsense. I trust you.”

He shrugs and lays back on the couch, closing his eyes. I hop up and run over to him, holding his face roughly in my hands and kissing the top of his head.

“Thank you!”

I run off before he can hit me, or whatever his reaction would have been, and lock myself in the room he’s claimed to be mine. I change into a new shirt and slip on my shoes, grabbing my backpack containing my license.

Louis yells from the other room.

“It’s only 2. You don’t need to leave for another couple hours!”

He’s right, but there’s no way in hell I can sit around patiently. I have to do something. I open the bedroom door and emerge, completely ready to go.

“I’m too jittery. I’m going to go to my school and make sure my classes are all set up for the semester coming up. Fuck. I haven’t even thought about how the hell I’m going to get to school. It starts in a couple weeks.”

I’m speaking about school, but none of that even matters to me right now. I just need to get out of here before I explode. I’m extremely relieved that Greg is willing to speak to me, even though I have no fucking idea what I’ll even say.

“Eh, we’ll figure it out.”

Louis stands up and pulls his keys out of a drawer in the kitchen, tossing them to me.

“Just be careful. See you whenever; no rush.”

I smile and thank him again before rushing out of the guest house and leaving without everything even registering in my brain.

 

_______

 

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

 

I sit across from Harry and Liam, finishing lunch at a small diner down the street from the hotel containing the most beautiful penthouse. Knowing that I have full access to a place in the city is exciting and comforting. No matter how scandalous my mother wants to find it, she’ll never deny me ‘time with Harry’.

Harry. The fact that he went out of his way for me like that warms my heart. He really didn’t need to since I’m not necessarily going out of my way in pretending to be his girlfriend. We’re really covering for each other, so I never expected a reward so grand.

“Are you ever going to stop grinning?”

Harry laughs as I smile even bigger, beaming at the couple in front of me.

“No, I don’t plan on it! I’m just so thrilled.”

They really look perfect together. Perhaps too much beauty is contained in their relationship and in the small amount of time I’ve gotten to spend with them, at least since I’ve become acquainted with the real Harry, they have the personalities to match. Although I still feel that Harry never had the right to treat me the way he did, with light shed on the struggles he was facing at the time, I can be understanding enough to forgive him and officially move on. We’re already so much better as friends. The problem was that when we ‘dated’, he only saw me as a cover for him and Liam while I only saw him as a way to shut my mother up. Perhaps if we had gotten to know each other better, our situation would have improved sooner. We still see each other the same way, but with the honesty, everyone is happier.

“So, Liam. How’s your family?”

“Good! Clara is doing well. She’s going to NYU this semester as an art major. I’m sure she’d love to see you sometime.”

I should call Liam’s sister. I’ve always imagined we’d be much closer if she didn’t live in the city, but now that shouldn’t be a problem.

“What about your parents?”

“They’re vacationing in Fiji right now. I’m not so sure when they’ll be back. It’s their twenty-fifth anniversary.”

“Oh, wow. That’s great.”

Thinking of parents and anniversaries makes me revisit last night’s unpleasant conversation with my parents.

“What about your family?”

“Umm, they’re good.”

Harry’s eyebrows scrunch together in concern after my awkward response and Liam leans over the table, resting his hand on mine.

“Hannah, you can tell us if something’s going on. It’s not like we’re going to tell anyone.”

I chuckle and nod. It’d be nice to talk to people who might understand where I’m coming from. Talking to Niall was nice, but he doesn’t get the full grasp on the image I’ve grown up displaying.

“Well, to be quite honest, my family is crumbling fast.”

“What’s going on?”

Harry takes a sip of his cocktail and stares at me intently while Liam leaves his comforting hand on mine.

“This past week has been crazy. My parents told me they were splitting and my dad was moving to France with his mistress. Well, last night I came home to find my dad in the kitchen as if nothing ever happened and long story short, my mother has been in on it the whole time. They told me that they haven’t really been a couple for years. They’ve both had affairs, but agreed to keep up the image of being married until one of them fell in love with someone. Apparently, my dad did first and now that woman is moving here. I guess they’ll live in the city. It’s just fucking bullshit that they’ve lived like this for a stupid image. Just so they can show their faces in the country club a bit longer without being laughed at. I hate the society we grew up in, Harry.”

Harry immediately nods in agreement with my rant and Liam sits back in a daze before speaking.

“Wow. I guess I forgot how it was over there. I’m glad we live in the city. Sure, it’s about image, but no one pretends to be someone they’re not here. It’s actually quite exciting in the city to be talked about, even if it’s negative at first. It just starts a trend and everyone becomes okay with it. You know, that doesn’t sound much better, does it?”

I chuckle and shrug.

“It sounds a bit better. I just want to be out of everyone’s sight. We’re always under a magnifying glass. They’re all waiting for us to mess up.”

“It’s true. You should have seen my parents when they found out about Liam, Hannah. They were absolutely livid and what bothered me most was how often my mother said, ‘What will others think?’. It was never centered around my happiness or my parents’ personal viewpoints, but what the whole damn town might think. My father didn’t even talk to me for a month, but you know he’s out of town enough for that to go unnoticed.”

I’ve been trying to see things from Harry’s point of view and it often makes me sad.

“What about Catherine? I’m assuming she knew.”

“Yeah, Cathy’s supportive in the ways she can be. I still let her believe that I broke up with Liam when I told my parents that I did. She’s too wrapped up in that life to openly defy societal norms. I don’t want to put her in that situation. She’s becoming more and more like my mom as she gets older. She’s more caring, though, but maybe I’m biased as her little brother. I don’t know, I just don’t feel disdain for her like I do my parents. She’s always tried to be there for me, seeing it as her way of helping me ‘deal with how things are’. She just doesn’t see how life can be different.”

Liam glances between Harry and I, obviously upset by the downturn of the mood.

“Hey, at least you’ve both branched out, huh? Harry, you’re dating a guy for christ’s sake,” I giggle and Harry scoffs, trying to hide his smile, “and Hannah, you’re going after a pot-selling Irishman that doesn’t have a home at the moment. At least you aren’t trapping yourselves in the life they want you to have. That takes courage.”

I grin and look down at my coffee, mulling over the words he just said. It’s true, but it’s still painful to imagine the reaction I’m going to get from the woman who raised me.

“Let’s head back to the hotel. We’ve got plenty of booze back there and we’ll get trashed mid-day and celebrate your conquest for freedom.”

Harry and I laugh at Liam’s dramatic suggestion, but agree anyway.

 

______

 

We’ve been at the hotel for two hours and I’ve consumed more alcohol than ever before. We’ve laughed and talked the entire time, but now Liam and Harry are getting touchy and I can tell that they want some alone time.

“‘Arrry, are you,” I hiccup between words and giggle, “are you staying with Liam tonight?”

Harry smiles goofily and glances over at Liam, who is eyeing him seductively. Liam answers for him.

“Yes, he is.”

They kiss gently, Harry pulling back only to speak to me.

“The car- is downstairs. Mark will take you home if you want.”

I grin as he lazily lays against Liam’s shoulder, grinning contently.

“Yeah, I should go home. I want to surprise Niall!”

I smile involuntarily at his name and laugh at the way my words slur together.

Harry whistles and Liam yells an ‘ooooh’ while I stand up and walk over to them. Neither get’s off of the couch as I lean down to hug them both at the same time. I lose my balance and end up in their laps, causing us all to laugh hysterically. None of this is nearly as funny as we’re finding it, but I don’t mind at all.

“Thank you for an amazing afternoon. Let me know when we can hang out again.”

Liam kisses my cheek and helps me stand up again.

“Let’s make plans for the weekend and maybe you can bring Niall along.”

Harry swats his arm.

“I don’t know. He’s living with your cousin. What if he tells him?”

“He wouldn’t do that, Harry. I’m sure he’d love to meet you guys.”

Harry nods, still unsure, but also too intoxicated to worry at the moment.

“Get home safe, Hannah!”

I walk to the elevator and wave once inside.

“Alright. Have a good night.”

When the doors close, I lean sleepily against the wall and the elevator jumps a bit before descending. As I make my way, slowly but surely, to the curb, where the Sinclair’s chauffeur, Mark, is awaiting me, I can’t help but to feel giddy. Not only has this day been perfect, but I intend to make it better.

Once inside the limousine and Mark safely in the driver’s seat, I lean forward to clarify my destination.

“Take me to the Tomlinson’s, please.”

“Of course, Ma’am.”

I lean back and stare at the sun as it sets over the water as we move away from the city until I can see nothing but fields and occasional homes.

 

_________

 

By the time I make it to Louis’ house, my inebriation has faltered slightly, but I am still quite tipsy: exactly where I want to be right now. I’m getting really tired of these rules Niall seems to be holding fast to. Perhaps, with a bit of liquid courage, but not enough to make me incoherent, I can talk him into having a little fun. We shouldn’t need to play these games when we’re both adults.

I knock lightly on the guest house door, seeing the light of the T.V. flicker on the window. They’re probably playing video games. In fact, they probably haven’t moved all day. I knock again, louder this time, and then there’s a little commotion. A few seconds later, Louis flings the door open, wearing only boxers, and he’s rubbing his eyes slowly with a familiar marijuana-induced grin on his face.

“Hey, Hannah. What are you doing here?”

I step inside as he holds the door open for me and look around to see an empty living room, a war movie playing on the flat screen.

“I wanted to surprise Niall. Where is he?”

Louis shuffles into the room and walks past me, scratching his head.

“He went to meet his brother a few hours ago in the city.”

I follow him into his bedroom, shocked and trying to hide my disappointment as he reaches into a drawer and finds a pair of flannel pants and a t-shirt.

“What? His brother called him? He wasn’t angry?”

Louis shrugs and steps into his pants, covering his muscular, tanned legs.

“He still hasn’t told me about what happened. His brother texted him and he rushed out of here all shaken up.”

I feel sorry for being a bit upset that he isn’t here, but I am glad Greg decided to talk to him. I am a little surprised that he gave in so quickly.

“How did he get there?”

“I gave him my car.”

“Oh.”

“What’s wrong? I thought you’d be happy his brother isn’t angry at him or whatever.”

Louis pulls the black shirt over his head and ruffles his messy hair once it’s on. I sit on the edge of his bed and toss my purse aside.

“I am. I was just excited to see him, I guess.”

I’m also kind of hurt that he didn’t tell me, but I don’t want to say that to Louis and come off as clingy and weird. It’s only that as the one person he’s shared that situation with, I assumed he would let me know when something exciting like that happened.

“Cheer up. You can stay until he gets back. We’ll do shots and smoke a few bowls. Are you up for it, Kensington?”

Louis stands in front of my and jabs me gently in my side. I chuckle and flinch from his touch.

“Alright, but only a few shots. I’ve already been drinking today.”

Louis fakes an offended shock and clasps his chest.

“With your mother?”

I suddenly remember the alibi I gave Louis this morning and stand up.

“Umm, she didn’t know. Come on, let’s go.”

I tug at his sleeve and he stumbles behind me into the kitchen. Louis fetches a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses from the cupboard beside the refrigerator while I lean over the counter.

“Where’s Jess? I kind of figured she’d be here, especially if Niall was gone.”

Louis doesn’t look up from what he’s doing and unscrews the bottle cap, pouring the golden liquid into the glasses.

“I’m not sure where she is. I assume at home. She’s not exactly speaking to me.”

“What? How come?”

In all the time that Louis and Jessica have been together, they’ve been inseparable. Sure, they argue quite often, but it’s never serious.

“I’d rather not think about it. I’ve thought enough about it in the past twenty-four hours. Let’s just say I’m not speaking to her either.”

“What the fuck? Lou, I’m your best friend, and her’s too. You can tell me anything.”

“I know that, Hannie. If I were to talk about it with anyone, it would be with you. I just honestly don’t want to talk about it.”

I throw my hands up in defeat.

“Alright, alright.”

Louis forces a grin and carefully hands me a shot glass, full to the brim.

“I’m pretty sure that this is more than one technical shot.”

“Shut the hell up and throw it back.”

I giggle and hold it to my lips, the thick smell overwhelming my senses immediately. Louis counts to three and I toss the tequila back, opening my throat and letting it fall quickly. I shut my eyes tightly and feel the burn make its way down my stomach and through my toes.

Louis sticks his tongue out and slams the glass on the table, pouring the next one without a moment’s rest. I hold my miniature glass out and he fills mine again.

We continue this process a few more times, too many to remember the exact amount, but not enough to knock me over. I’m back to the point of intoxication I was at when I left the penthouse, maybe a little past it.

“Wow, this stuff is strong.”

Louis nods in agreement and before I know it, I find myself following him back into his room, not really knowing why. Once we’re there I sit on his bed, scooting up to the top and resting back against the pillows. Louis pulls a small plastic box from under his bed and sets it on top. I watch him open it and pull out a little glass piece and a bag of weed.

“Do you want to try a bowl? I’m not pressuring you, just asking.”

Before I can really think, I’m nodding my head enthusiastically. I’ve become quite brave in one weekend.

“Alright! I must say, I’m pretty proud of you.”

I laugh and roll my eyes as he packs the fine, ground up green plant into the bowl of the pipe he’s holding. Once it’s pressed in, he pulls out a lighter and sets the box on the ground before jumping up and landing next to me on the mattress.

“Okay, now watch me and I’ll show you how.”

I nod and sit up to pay proper attention.

“You’re going to hold your finger over the hole that’s right there, okay? Then, you hold the lighter like this and put your lips to the end and...”

He stops talking as he demonstrates each step, expertly lighting the top layer of weed and taking a deep drag of smoke and holding it in for at least fifteen seconds. When he exhales, he coughs once and hands the items to me. I hold the pipe in my left hand and pull it straight to my lips. Louis shakes his head and scoots closer to me so that his hip is against mine.

“Here, put this finger,” he gently brings my index finger to the small hole on the side of the bowl and cups his hand around mine, bringing the pipe back to my mouth, “right there. Do you want me to light it for the first time?”

I nod and he chuckles, his grin meeting his eyes and creasing the outer corners the way they do when he smiles genuinely. He flicks the lighter on and flips it over carefully so it burns the marijuana.

“Alright, mover your finger off and slowly breathe in.”

I do as he says and breathe in hard, but slow, as he pulls my finger off of the hole, holding it down on the side of the bowl. Suddenly, I feel a filling burn down my throat and into my chest, but I keep going. Louis pulls my hand down and rests his other hand on my back.

“Okay, breathe out.”

I slowly let out the breath I was holding in and watch a cloud of smoke surround me as I cough uncontrollably.

“Woah, not bad. You got a good hit.” 

He pats my back like a proud father, but I just keep coughing, laughing at the same time.

“Hold on,” he laughs and stands up from the bed, “I’ll get you some water.”

I nod and keep coughing, hoping it will stop soon because it’s getting harder to breathe. A few seconds later, Louis hands me a cold water bottle after opening it for me and I take small sips until the coughing subsides. Louis sits back in the same spot and I lay back, spent from my choking fit. I breathe in deeply and feel an invisible weight pushing down on me, as if someone was sitting on my shoulders. I’m hardly aware, but Louis lights the rest of what is left in the bowl and finishes it off. It feels like a lifetime has passed when he lays down next to me. Every time I blink, it seems to take an hour to fully open my eyes again. I turn my head to find Louis facing me, his eyes half shut.

“Do you remember that time I tried to get you to kiss me? At the lacrosse match?”

I giggle loudly and my arms clutch into my stomach as I laugh more so than necessary.

“Yes! Stupidest reasoning ever,” I reach over and grip his shoulders, mimicking him from all those years ago, “‘Hannah, we won’t win if you don’t kiss me.’ You were so pathetic.”

He laughs and looks down at the space between us.

“Do you remember what you did? I’ll never forget it.”

I move my hand to his cheek and playfully smack him.

“I slapped you and said I could care less if you lost.”

He nods and we both laugh in nostalgic memory. I hardly notice that my hand is still on his face, but for some reason it feels natural and I leave it there. He doesn’t move it either and soon enough his hand is caressing my arm as we continue to talk about random and pointless things. Every time he laughs, I feel his breath on my lips and I find it giving me unwarranted chills. After staring at each other for a few minutes, my hand moves down to his shoulder and we’re practically cuddling. It doesn’t feel sexual, though. It feels comforting and friendly.

“So, what’s going on with you and Niall? Seems to moving quickly.”

I scoff and watch his lips as he speaks.

“Hardly. Well, I guess it is emotionally, but he’s made this rule. We’re not going to have sex or anything until after we go on five dates.”

Louis appears shocked and rolls his eyes.

“Are you sure you didn’t come up with that one?”

I pinch his arm softly and he pretends that it hurts.

“Not at all. I was willing to sleep with him right away. He didn’t want to ‘rush things’.”

I make air quotes and Louis seems surprised by it all.

“Wow, that’s... commendable, I suppose.”

I sigh and fall deeper on to the pillow, laying on my back and pulling away from Louis entirely.

“I guess. It’s just... kind of frustrating. I mean, I know he hasn’t lived much of a sheltered life, but I have and I just want someone to fucking touch me! It just makes me feel like I’m not good enough to know that he’s probably been with fifty girls and doesn’t want me.”

I half yell and laugh at myself for being so passionate about it. I expect something from Louis, but he’s silent. I glance over and he’s looking at me intently, his eyes darker than usual, open wider than before.

“Touch you how?”

I turn my head back and stare at the ceiling.

“You know what I mean.”

In one surprisingly swift motion, Louis is holding himself over me, arms straight on either side of my head. He lowers himself down and I feel every inch of my body being covered by him. He leans onto one elbow and presses his lips to my cheek softly. Louis’ other hand trails from my waist, down to my hip and sliding across to rest on my inner thigh.

“You mean like this?”

He whispers softly into my ear and trails his hand up my pants as my legs part instinctively. _Now_ , it’s sexual. His fingers rub hard circles against my sex and I moan before I can fully process what is happening.

“Yeah, _just_ like that.”

The words spill out of my mouth like curses. I don’t even try to swallow them, though, because each move he makes feels so good, from the nibbling under my ear to the small ruts of his crotch against my thigh. I don’t feel as though I have much control over my body, but I still feel like there is hope to stop this before we let it get out of hand. That is, until his lips meet mine in a warm, passionate embrace that sends me into a whirlwind of sensations. Now I know there’s no turning back. My hands roam his chest and eventually make their way to his hair. I tug on it, trying desperately to pull him closer to me in any way possible.

His tongue darts past my lips and seductively curls up to roam the roof of my mouth. I bring one hand between us as he levels himself out, pulling his hand away from my body and resting it on the bed. I slowly palm him through his pajamas, feeling his stiff package harden even more under my touch. Raspy moans elicit his mouth and I swallow hard, feeling entirely overcome by a mixture of Louis and the other influencing factors I have consumed.

“Lou, please. I-“

He bites down on my bottom lip and pulls away from me, instantly apologetic and worried.

“Oh my god. I’m sorry, Hannah I didn’t-“

He isn’t understanding what I mean.

“No, I just- don’t stop.”

As I plead for him to touch me, I know I should feel guilt and fear rush over me, but all I can think and feel is Louis and there’s nothing that can stop me.

He doesn’t say anything, but attacks my neck with tender, yet needy kisses. Soon enough, he makes his way down to my collarbones and pulls my shirt down with his scruffy chin, tickling me as he leaves a kiss between my breasts. Next, he sits up on his knees and tugs at the bottom of my shirt. I sit up and he lifts it over my head, tossing it aside on the floor. Before I can lay back again, he unclips my bra and lets it fall onto my lap, the straps tangling on my arms. I push it aside and Louis sits back for a moment to take everything in.

“Fuck. You’re gorgeous. Absolutely perfect.”

I can’t pretend that those words don’t sound strange coming from Louis’ mouth, but they still make me feel good and right now, in the moment, that’s all that matters.

Louis pushes me back against the pillows and I’m slightly disappointed when he doesn’t join me. However, when I lift my head up to find him, he’s standing at the foot of the bed in only his boxers, exactly how he was when I arrived. 

“Just lay there. I’ll do everything, okay? Do you trust me?”

I do. I trust Louis more than any man. I want to trust Niall this much, but he won’t let me.

“Yeah, of course I do, Louis.”


	15. Chapter 15

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

 

Once Louis was mostly naked, I begin to remove my pants, but I’m having trouble with shaky hands and excessive amounts of alcohol running through my blood.

 

“Here, let me.”

 

Before I can protest, which I wasn’t going to, Louis hooks his hands under my knees and pulls my body to him until my legs are hanging off of the bed as he stands between them. He easily undoes the button of my jeans, pulling them down and off without any trouble. 

 

I lay there bare, except for a thin pair of panties. I can’t even bring myself to feel self-conscious with Louis. I’m too comfortable with him to worry about what he’s thinking.

 

Louis sinks down to his knees on the carpet in front of me, hands skimming over my thighs closer to my torso. He loops his fingers under the elastic and slowly pulls my final covering down, causing my breathing to hitch and small moans to sputter out uncontrollably. Without further ado, Louis lifts one leg at a time over his shoulders until my knees are draped over his body carelessly, his face just between my thighs. As I feel his breath quicken against my core, I tense up and wonder if he’s regretting his decisions.

 

“Lou, are you sure? I don’t-“

 

My panicked words are cut short by his tongue flat against my most sensitive area.

 

“Oh, god! So- So good.”

 

My sentences are hardly comprehensible at this point but I can feel Louis intensify his motions every time I’m vocal about how it makes me feel. I can’t keep my legs from shaking and jerking around, but Louis reaches up to hold my thighs still, kneading into them and probably leaving small bruises with the tips of his fingers.

 

I buck my hips up lightly and Louis moans against me as he continues to lap his tongue over my clit relentlessly. His lips join in the mix and close in on the sensitivity, pulling it back as his tongue soothes the spot. I’ve never felt so vulnerable, yet so entranced by someone’s actions before. Except, perhaps Niall. Just thinking of his name sends me into a fit of guilt, so I settle with denial and push him out of my mind.

 

“M-more. Lou, your- fingers.”

 

I swear I can feel him smile against me as he pulls back a little, releasing one of my thighs to free his hand.

 

“You have to keep still, okay?”

 

I don’t speak, but I nod frantically instead. I hold my leg as still as possible and one of Louis’ fingers circles my entrance in order to make it slick. I can tell I’m really wet. Honestly, wetter than I’ve ever been in front of someone. I’ve gotten to this point on my own before, but not because of another person’s touch.

 

“Just-go!”

 

Louis chuckles and returns his tongue and lips to the area just above my entrance as he slowly pushes his finger in. It’s snug, but not painful in the least. It feels satisfying and surprisingly enough, not awkward. Louis slowly moves that finger in and out; the friction sinful and incredible. Soon enough, he adds a second finger, causing a jolt of pleasure to shoot through me.

 

“Wow- Lou!”

 

He curls his fingers as they hit my g-spot, making me gasp for breath and moan loudly. In response, his tongue moves faster and he pumps his fingers in roughly, curling them inside each time until I’m muttering things that can’t be considered words, mixed with curses.

 

“Fuck- oh my god, Lou I’m-“

 

I can’t spit the last word out, but I’m sure that he understands because he quickens the pace of both his fingers and his mouth until my legs are shaking again, the build up of pressure in my stomach becoming unbearable. I reach down with one hand, tugging at his wispy hair, while my other hand fists at the sheets.

 

“Come, babe.”

 

He speaks against my sex and I whimper in delight before releasing my impending orgasm, pulsating around his fingers as they slow down and eventually stop.

 

I close my eyes and run my fingers through my hair, pushing strands out of my face and trying to catch my breath. I let go of Louis’ hair and he slowly stands up, leaning down over me and catching himself with his arms on either side of my head. I lift up enough to close the distance and kiss him, tasting myself on his lips. He lays me back on the mattress and follows me, our lips never detaching. His body is against mine and even though he’s still wearing boxers, I can feel how desperately hard he as he ruts against my thigh.

 

I roll over so that I am on top of him and my knees rest on either side of his hips, holding me up as I straddle his lap. Louis’ hands find their way to my bare ass and he squeezes it gently. I lean down and kiss him again while I bring one hand to the space between our groins. I roughly palm him through his boxers, making him groan loudly against my mouth.

 

I continue to kiss him and my hand eventually slips under his underwear, finding his length easily in the tight fabric. After slowly stroking him a few times, I find it necessary to pull his boxers down a bit to gain better access. I kiss him once more and scoot down so that I’m straddling his thighs. I quickly pull his boxers down to his mid-thighs and decide that it’s all that I need.

 

I hold his member in my fist again, sliding my thumb over the tip and spreading some pre-come along the rest to make things easier. Louis clenches his teeth and writhes beneath me, obviously already nearing his orgasm. He must have been grinding onto the bed while he pleasured me. I stay where I am and move my hand faster until he’s practically yelling and begging for his release. I tighten my hold on him a little and pump faster, using my other hand to roam his flawless chest.

 

“Hannah, I’m gonna come! Now-“

 

Before I can react and think of a way to capture his mess, he’s coming all over his stomach, liquid pooling between his muscles and dripping onto his sides. Louis breathes heavily and I pull my hand back, immediately apologetic for making a mess.

 

“Oh, god. Louis, I’m so sorry, I should have-“

 

Louis sits up and holds my head in his hands, looking me straight in the eyes.

 

“Why are you apologizing? That was great.”

 

“Because I should have like caught it or something, I don’t know!”

 

I don’t know why I’m freaking out, but I’m beginning to sober up and a flood of emotion is coming over me.

 

“Hannah! It’s fine! It’s not the first time I’ve came on myself. It’s no big deal.”

 

I nod my head shyly and bring my arms up to cover my exposed breasts.

 

“You get comfortable. I’ll go clean up.”

 

I don’t move as he stands up and pulls his boxers up over his now soft length. As soon as he is in the bathroom, I fight tears that I know will come later. I stand up and gather my clothes, pulling my panties and jeans on first. Next, I find my bra and finally my shirt, until I’m entirely dressed. Louis walks in just after my shirt is back on and he looks slightly disappointed. He’s wearing his boxers still, but his skin is no longer sticky and wet.

 

“Are you okay, Hannah?”

 

“No, I’ll, uh- I should go.”

 

I try to walk to the door, but Louis stops me, pulling me into a hug.

 

“Hey, talk to me.”

 

He’s so calm about this when we just betrayed both of our friends.

 

“No, Louis. I don’t want to talk. I’m sorry, but I just want to go home before Niall gets here.”

 

Louis’ face turns a light shade of pink and I can tell he’s beginning to let himself think like I am. He doesn’t say anything, but he gives me a small nod, allowing me to pass.

 

I close his bedroom door behind me and walk through the dimly lit kitchen and living room, making my way to the front door. Just as I open it, Niall is reaching for the knob, arriving as I’m trying to escape.

 

“Hannah!”

 

He looks pleasantly surprised, but there’s a trace of sadness in his expression.

 

“Nial! I, um- it’s good to see you. I thought you weren’t going to show up!”

 

I try to appear normal, running my fingers through my hair nonchalantly. 

 

“You came to see me?”

 

I nod shyly, forcing a small grin.

 

“Didn’t Lou tell you I went to see Greg?”

 

“Yeah, I just figured I’d wait, but it started getting late, so-“

 

Niall pulls me into a hug and I feel a tear slip down my cheek, guilt flooding over me like I could have never imagined.

 

“Can I drive you home?”

 

He whispers, still holding me against his chest. He smells good; like soap and coffee. I probably smell like sweat and sex. I hope he doesn’t notice.

 

“Um, sure. I guess so.”

 

Niall pulls away and I’m thankful that it’s dark so he can’t see me crying silently. Niall reaches down and pulls my hand in his as we walk to Louis’ sports car.

 

We both get in and he starts the ignition. The radio isn’t on and I imagine that Niall spent the entire ride thinking. Thinking while I was fooling around with Louis.

 

“How’d it go with Greg?”

 

“Umm- It went well, I suppose. He didn’t really want to talk about everything quite yet. He just wanted to make sure I was safe and had a place to stay. We literally talked about everything except Allison. I guess my dad is doing badly again,” Niall sighs and runs his fingers through his messy blonde hair, “I don’t know. It was weird because he didn’t bring it up, but I can tell he’s royally pissed. As he should be.”

 

Niall shrugs and we pull down my street. I never thought I’d be so happy to be home. I can’t spend another second in the car with Niall, pretending I’m not an idiot.

 

“Well, it’s a step.”

 

“Yeah...”

 

Niall comes to a stop a little down my drive and I nod that he should stop here so I can walk without my mom seeing him.

 

“Thanks, Niall.”

 

“You’re welcome. I’m sorry I took so long. I would have loved to spend some time with you.”

 

I grin and he leans over, lips pursed toward mine. I turn a bit at the last second and he kisses the corner of my mouth.

 

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, yeah?”

 

He tries to pretend we didn’t just have the most awkward moment ever and I nod in agreement before stepping out of the car. He waits until I walk through the door before pulling away and as soon as I make it to my bedroom, I lock the door and let the deafening sobs fill a pillow on my bed so I don’t wake my mom. 

 

What am I going to do? Do I tell Niall? What about Jessica? 

 

No matter what, I’m never going to forgive myself.


	16. Chapter 16

**NIALL’S P.O.V.**

 

I didn’t sleep very well last night. Too many things were racing through my mind. I finally dozed off when I saw the sun coming up and now it’s one in the afternoon and I’m awake again. I hear noise in the kitchen and since I’ve been laying in bed so long, my back is starting to hurt. I stand up and pull some jeans on over my boxers before leaving my room.

“Morning, Lou.”

Louis’ head shoots up and he appears startled.

“S-sorry, Niall. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

Why is he acting like a skittish cat? He’s pouring himself a cup of coffee and I approach the cupboard, pulling out a mug for myself.

“No, I woke up on my own.”

Louis nods and calms down a little, but he rubs his temples with his fingers, groaning.

“Hungover?”

“Yeah, a bit.”

It seems like more than that, though. I’ve seen Louis hungover on multiple occasions and he’s much more down than usual.

“Is something wrong? You seem upset.”

“I’m fine.”

I don’t believe him for a second, but it isn’t my place to pry. He forces an awkward grin and carries his coffee to the couch. It’s odd that he’s drinking coffee and not smoking a bowl. That’s his typical hangover cure.

I shrug it off and pour myself a cup of coffee before retreating back to my room. I find my phone with no notifications, which is disappointing. I don’t expect Hannah to be sleeping still and she seemed out of it last night. I hope she isn’t upset with me for missing her visit last night. She’s understanding, though, and I know she wants me to fix things with my brother.

Talking to Greg went better than I expected. Then again, I didn’t have any expectations at all. I half-predicted for him to punch me again, which I deserved, but he was very calm considering the circumstances. We discussed how things happened and while I avoided all detail, I ensured him that there was no secret love between me and his wife. There was no pre-meditated plot to steal Allison away. He hesitated in saying it, but he admitted to not being the best husband. Despite the progress we made and the many hours we spent talking, we still parted with immense tension between us. It’s highly uncomfortable.

He hasn’t heard anything about dad, which is probably a good thing. I still want to call and check on him sometime today. Maybe Allison can go see him. She’s the only person who dad’s familiar enough with for a visit. I can’t impose on her, though. She’s been through enough and I know there’s more to come.

I haven’t heard from her either, which means she hasn’t heard back from her doctor yet. It’s nerve-wracking, but I’m more concerned with how we will take care of a child in the even that she is, indeed, pregnant.

I take a deep breath and hold my phone with Hannah’s contact information pulled up. I press call before I can convince myself otherwise. There’s no reason for her to be mad at me, so she must have just had a bad night. She probably needs someone to talk to.

 

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

 

Niall’s calling. _Shit_.

I thought that maybe he would give me some space after our awkward drive last night. That would be preferable. Even worse, though, Louis could have confessed to him about our wild night. I can’t bear the conversation that would ensue that unfortunate knowledge.

Before I can decide whether I plan on answering his phone call or not, my phone stops ringing.

I leave it on my bed in front of me and pull my covers back up, over my shoulders. Our wonderful housekeeper brought me coffee an hour ago when she expected me to be gone and came in my room to clean. When she saw me curled up in my sheets, wide awake, she quietly disappeared and returned with coffee, just how I like it, and told me I can talk to her if I want.

I can’t do that, though. How can I complain to a woman who makes a living by cleaning up after me? She’ll probably laugh at my stupid problems. My phone buzzes and I know it’s the impending voicemail from Niall. At least I can listen to that.

 

_“Hey, Hannah. Maybe you’re still sleeping, but I figured you’d be up. Uh-Anyway, I hope you’re okay- you seemed pretty upset about something last night. I just hope I didn’t do anything to piss you off. I’m-uh-sorry again that I wasn’t here when you came by last night. But, I don’t know, maybe something happened with your parents- Just give me a call if you need someone to talk to; I really want to help. We can also hang out and discuss anything but whatever’s bothering you, if that’s what you’d prefer. Well, now I’m rambling, so just- text me or something.”_

 

I giggle, but it quickly turns into tears. God, I wish he was there when I showed up last night. Nothing would have happened with Louis and I wouldn’t hate myself right now.

Louis has tried calling and texting me throughout the morning, but I haven’t answered anything. He’s mostly left messages saying how sorry he is and how stupid he was. He told me not to feel too bad and that it wasn’t just my fault, which I know, but I definitely didn’t stop any of it. I encouraged it and the worst part of all is that I enjoyed it. _A lot_.

Maybe I’m just too much like my parents. Apparently, they have no problem with being unfaithful. Maybe it’s just what I know.

I can’t put this blame on them, or anyone else, though. It’s my fault and it’s Louis’ fault.

The most disheartening realization that I’ve had is that I don’t know who I _can_ talk to. My only close friends are Louis and Jessica, well now Niall, but those are the three people that I simply _cannot_ talk to about this. They are the only three people that will be anything but helpful. I can only think of one person who isn’t going to judge me. One person who I’ve always been able to rely on.

I pick up my phone and the tears are still flowing, even harder now.

“Hello?”

“Joe.”

“Hannah?”

His voice is ridden with concern and I know it’s because I’m terrible at hiding my emotion, even over the phone.

“A-are you busy?”

“No, what’s wrong? Do I need to pick you up? I just dropped your mom off at the clubhouse.”

“No, no. I’m at home. Can you- Can we talk?”

“Of course. I’ll be there in five.”

I breathe a sigh of relief.

“Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

I hang up and bury my face in my hands. My phone dings and I look down to see a new message from Niall.

 

*FROM: Niall

I hate to bug you and I know I seem weird and clingy so I’m sorry. Just worried about you.*

 

I feel awful. For everything. I can’t leave him hanging like that when he’s done absolutely nothing wrong.

 

*TO: Niall

I’m sorry, I’m with my mom at the clubhouse so I can’t answer. I’ll call you later?*

 

He might see the question mark as me making a suggestion, but really I just don’t know if I’ll do it or not. I can’t see myself finding enough courage to face him after all of this.

A few minutes later, there is a soft knock at my door.

“Come in.”

My voice is raspy and weak. I feel like I could cry forever.

Joe walks in and as soon as he sees the state I’m in, he pulls the chair from my desk and sets it down next to my bed. He sits silently and I roll over on my pillow to face him.

“Talk to me, Hannie.”

I grin from the comfort that I feel just knowing that he’s here and it hurts to know that this is how I’m supposed to feel about my dad.

“I’ve really fucked up, Joe. Really really fucked up.”

He takes a deep breath and pushes strands of hair out of my eyes.

“Tell me what happened. I’m here to listen.”

I nod and sit up, pushing my pillow up so that my back rests on it.

“Okay, so last night, I was a bit drunk- and before you say anything, I don’t need a pep talk about drugs and alcohol; this is about something else-“ he nods and I know I can trust him not to overreact, “Anyway, I was with Harry,” and Liam, but I don’t say that, “and his driver dropped me off at the Tomlinson’s because I wanted to surprise Niall. He wasn’t there, though, so Louis suggested that I just stay until he got back.” 

I watch Joe’s reaction to see if he’s catching on at all. I can’t tell, though. He just seems to be listening intently.

“Then, we drank some more and kind of, smoked weed, and then-“ he still wasn’t reacting badly, which I anticipated, but this next part is already bringing the tears back, “then Louis kissed me and one thing led to another and-“

I can’t go on. I sink forward and Joe scoots over so that he can sit on my bed, catching me in his arms as I sob. He strokes my back soothingly and shushes me until my crying subsides a bit.

“Shh, Hannah. It’s alright-“

“No, it isn’t! Jess and Niall are going to hate me, Joe! Probably Louis, too!”

“You didn’t let me finish. I was going to say that it’s alright to be upset with yourself, but the fact that you’re so upset shows how much you care. If you didn’t care about Jessica or Niall so much, then you wouldn’t still be in bed at two in the afternoon crying your eyes out. I’m not going to try to sort all of this out for you, but I think that the first person you need to talk to is Louis. If I’m correct, and I’m pretty sure I know you well enough to be, you’ve been avoiding him all day.”

I just nod my head, waiting for further instruction. Joe always knows what to do when I let my emotions take over.

“Okay, talk to Louis. Tell him how badly you feel about everything and ask him how he feels. You guys have been friends for such a long time- you can’t let this make things awkward. That’s what is going to happen if you avoid the topic. Talk it out right away and then decide together how you should handle it with Niall and Jessica. None of this is going to be easy, Hannah, but you’re strong. You can take care of this like a mature, responsible adult.”

He has too much faith in me, but he is right. I need to talk to Louis.

“Thank you, Joe.”

“Anytime, kiddo.”

He ruffles my hair like he used to when I was a little girl and stands up, returning my chair to the desk.

“I’m going to let you be as long as you promise me you’re going to take action and not sink back into the mattress.”

I answer him by pulling the covers off and standing up. I walk over to him and give him a grateful hug.

“I promise.”

He smiles and kisses the top of my head before leaving my room. Once the door is closed, I find my phone in the mess of blankets on my bed and settle on the couch by my window. I find Louis’ number and when I hear the ringing in my ear, my heart starts to pound impossibly fast.

“Hannah? Thank god! Are you okay?”

He’s speaking quietly, which tells me that Niall is probably in the next room.

“Not really, no. We just need to talk about this, Lou. I don’t want one stupid decision from one intoxicated night to ruin our friendship.”

“Yeah, me either, Hannie. I can’t let that happen.”

“Good, I’m glad we agree on that. So...”

I don’t know where to begin and I hope he does.

“I’m sorry, Hannah. I really am. I know I instigated it and it was a mistake. I was just miserable because of everything going on with Jess that I didn’t even think about it.”

“Speaking of Jess; have you spoken to her?”

I hear his exasperated sigh clearly.

“No, and I’m not going to. Hannah, when I told you last night that we weren’t speaking- I meant that we broke up. Like we aren’t ever going to speak again.”

This bit of information doesn’t make things better and it doesn’t make things worse. It just hurts that Jessica hasn’t tried talking to me at all and that Louis feels like he can’t really tell me either. Now, things will never be the same, but I suppose it isn’t just because of me.

“What the hell happened? You know what, it doesn’t matter right now. What do we do?”

“Well, what do you want to do?”

“I want to go back in time and not make that mistake, but reasonably speaking, I don’t know. I really, really, _really_ like Niall, Lou. I can’t believe I’ve already fucked it up. Besides, Jessica is going to kill me when she finds out.”

I sit back against the couch and push my hair out of my face because it’s a big mess.

“You haven’t fucked it up, Hannah. You and Niall aren’t in an exclusive relationship or anything and guess what, neither are me and Jess. So, why do we have to tell them anything?”

While it sounds ideal, I don’t see it working well. Even if in it’s basic form, we did nothing wrong, we both obviously feel guilty.

“So we just keep it a secret forever? I don’t see how that’s possible.”

“How isn’t it possible? We can obviously talk to each other normally since we are right now. We’re close enough to not let this come between us. So, who else needs to know. What they don’t know won’t hurt them. It’s pointless for Niall to know, because all it’s going to do is prolong you guys’ inevitable relationship. It’s also stupid to tell Jessica because it’s only going to create drama. We aren’t even together anymore, so she’ll just take it out on you and you don’t deserve that-“

“Yes, I do.”

“No, it was a mistake and we both know that. So, let’s just move on.”

Guys are so naive. Then again, maybe girls are just too dramatic. Maybe we can both bounce back from this without lifelong damage. _Maybe_.

“Alright, we’ll try it.”

Louis breathes a sigh of relief and I feel a bit of guilt leave my chest, but not to the point that I’ve forgiven myself. I probably never will.

“Great. You should probably give Niall a call or something, though, because I’m pretty sure he thinks you’re mad at him. He’s been sulking.”

I chuckle and stand up, making my way to the bathroom.

“Yeah, I’ll call him now. Thanks, Lou.”

“For what?”

“Being reasonable.”

“Back at ya, Hannie. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”

“Love you too, bye.”

I hang up and turn the shower on. As soon as I call Niall, he immediately answers.

“Hello?”

I can’t help but to smile at his eager tone.

“Hey, sorry I played golf with my mom today. I’m about to hop in the shower, but how would you like to go to dinner and a movie in the next town over?”

There’s silence for a moment, in which he is probably mulling over whether my excuse makes sense or not, but then he replies excitedly.

“I’d love that. First proper date out of the five, eh?”

“Yeah,” I chuckle before grimacing at our little agreement, “Joe and I will come get you in an hour. S’that okay?”

“Perfect. See you soon, Hannah.”

I say a quick goodbye and hang up so that I can text Joe.

 

*TO: Joe

Did what you said. Can you pick me up in an hour. If you see my mom, just tell her I have plans with Harry.*

 

I really hope I don’t lose my cool when I see Niall. I don’t exactly feel good about me and Louis’ plan to keep our stupid decision under wraps, but I’ll grow to appreciate it. I just have to focus my thoughts and energy elsewhere and push it all aside.

I’ll just pretend it never happened.


	17. Chapter 17

**NIALL’S P.O.V.**

 

When Hannah texts me that she’s outside, it’s half past three and I’ve been messing with my hair for twenty minutes. 

I tried calling my dad’s nurse, Haley, earlier, but I didn’t talk to her and haven’t heard back. I can’t pretend that it doesn’t worry me. I took a long shower and decided that jeans and a black v-neck would suffice for me and Hannah’s first official date. I don’t want to over-do it, but I also want to make a good impression. I know that I’ve already given her a first impression, even a second and third. This shows her how I react to things couples do. I’ve never been a good boyfriend, so I hope I can convince her to let me try. Most importantly, though, I’d like to part with her tonight feeling like we know each other better.

It makes it somewhat complicated that we’ve rushed into this emotionally. Had it been two other people meeting the way we did, surely they would have shagged and moved on. Hannah and I are different, though, and that scares me. Commitment in general scares me, but I know she’s wroth it.

I walk outside and check that Louis’ parents’ cars are gone before exposing myself in their driveway. I approach the black Rolls Royce and Joe begins to unbuckle his seatbelt so he can open the door for me. I wave him off, though, because I am perfectly capable of opening a door, and he smiles kindly before settling back in his seat. I walk to the passenger side of the car and climb into the backseat, only to be greeted by Hannah’s warm embrace.

“Hey.”

She doesn’t say anything back; only squeezes her arms tightly around my waist and I chuckle.

“I’m happy to see you too. So, where are we going?”

“Hempstead is only about fifteen minutes away and we can see a movie there if you’d like.”

I’d do anything she wants if it means spending time with her.

“Sure, as long as I can take you to dinner after. We can’t talk in a movie.”

She loosens her grip on me and settles for laying on my shoulder. She leans up to peck me on the cheek and whispers so that Joe cannot hear.

“No, but we can do other things in a movie.”

I scoff and rest my hand on her knee.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, love. You’ll let me buy you dinner, though, right?”

She nods and curls her arm around my arm, resting her hand over mine as it stays on her knee.

“Are you feeling okay today? You seemed upset last night.”

I only ask out of concern, but she seems nervous. She doesn’t move to look at me when she speaks, but I feel her body tense up next to me.

“I’m fine now.”

“Was it your parents?”

“No- um, it was nothing. I just didn’t feel well.”

I shrug and face forward, almost missing Joe’s eyes shifting back in worry. I’m pretty sure something happened that Hannah isn’t telling me about, but it isn’t my place to pry on what I assume is a family matter.

“Glad you feel better then.”

“Thanks.”

She sits up and smiles at me before scooting over to the other side of the car and staring out the window. I’m a bit confused by this action, but I brush those thoughts aside and look out my window instead. That’s when my phone rings. Since it can’t be Hannah, it’s either my brother, Allison, or dad’s nurse, Hayley. All three are stressful options.

It’s Haley.

“Hello?”

Hannah is watching me and I’m glad it wasn’t Allison.

“Niall, it’s Haley. I’m sorry I missed your call earlier, but I just received your message.”

“Thanks for calling back. How’s dad? Greg told me he wasn’t doing well the other day, but I assumed that since I hadn’t heard anything, he must be doing better.”

I hear a sigh through the phone and feel my heart begin to race.

“Your father isn’t doing too well. He’s been digressing in a lot of the progress he’s made and he’s been refusing medication again. He-“

She seems skeptical to continue.

“You can tell me. I can handle it.”

“He’s been talking to your mother more. He’s always talking to her about how he’s worried about you and your brother. I think he just misses you guys and he’s a little more out of touch with reality since he has no visitors...”

I know she doesn’t mean to make me feel guilty, but she sure as hell does.

“I know that we should do more-“

“Don’t take that the wrong way; I don’t mean to pry.”

“No, it’s not that. I need to come visit soon. My sister-in-law is back in Ireland, though. I’ll call her and see if she can pay him a visit.”

I shift my gaze to Hannah and she looks concerned. I suppose she doesn’t realize how common this all is for me. I guess common isn’t the best word, but I’m used to it. I grin feebly at Hannah to assure her that everything is okay.

“I’m sure he would appreciate that. Allison, isn’t it? He talks about her sometimes. Um- Niall. One more thing before I let you go...”

Hayley always walks on eggshells when she speaks to me. She’s more straightforward with Greg and that makes me believe that she views me as weak.

“Yeah?”

I gulp, nervous of whatever she has to say. Maybe I am weak.

“We think your father was trying to kill himself. I- I didn’t tell Greg when I spoke with him the other day because it hadn’t been confirmed, but there’s substantial proof that he had suicidal intentions.”

“What the hell? What exactly happened? And don’t beat around the bush anymore!”

I’m not yelling, but I’m speaking sternly. It pisses me off that they would keep something like this from us.

“I- I’m Sorry,” she breathes deeply and sounds sincere, “He was in the cafeteria during lunch time and he sat with a few other patients, which is unusual. He hasn’t been accepting medication, so we kept an eye on him. When everyone was handed their meds, he went on a rampage and took the pills from all of the patients at his table. As you can assume, most of our patients are on multiple medications and a mixture of them all would be fatal.”

Why would dad try to kill himself? Sure, he’s crazy and he’s only gotten worse, but he hasn’t really been suicidal before; not on purpose, at least.

“So, I assume someone took them away before he could swallow them?”

“Not exactly. He had to have his stomach pumped, but he’s alright now.”

She rushes the last part, ensuring that I hear it.

“Why the fuck haven’t we been notified? That’s pretty serious! I know I’ve been a shit son, but he _is_ my dad and I _do_ care.”

“I’m sorry, Niall. I was going to phone and tell you today. I didn’t want to worry you when he wasn’t in any immediate danger.”

“For future reference, I consider that danger. Just, please. Call me if anything happens, even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal. I’m not a kid anymore; I want to know these things.”

“Yes, sir. I’m sorry again.”

“It’s fine, Hayley. Thank you for calling me back. Can you-“ I don’t know if I should ask for her to tell him hello. After all, I haven’t been entirely there for my dad through everything. “Never mind.”

“You want me to tell him you called, don’t you...”

She has an understanding tone.

“I thought about it, but maybe it isn’t the best idea.”

“Look. I’ll tell him if you want me to, but I suggest writing him a letter. Send him pictures of you and your friends. Introduce him to them in the letter so that he feels like a part of your life. He loves you and your brother very much. I know that it doesn’t seem that way, but everything he talks about revolves around you boys and his memory of your mother.”

I honestly feel like crying. I feel like I’ve let him down so much, even though we did what we thought was best. It probably still is best. That doesn’t change the fact that he’s all alone.

“Yeah, I’ll do that.”

“Do you have the mailing address?”

“Yeah, I’ve got it in my phone. Thank you, Hayley. Oh, also, please call Greg and fill him in. We aren’t exactly... well, it’s complicated.”

“You don’t have to explain. I’ll call him right away. And I’ll call you for updates more regularly. I promise.”

“Great. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Goodbye, Niall.”

I hang up and feel my sinuses burning. I sniff away any sign of tears and look over at Hannah briefly, but instantly regret it. The concern on her face mirrors the concern I’m holding in and trying so hard not to let out.

“What happened?”

I shake my head because, no; I can’t talk about it right now.

“Just please, let’s talk about something else for now.”

Hannah hesitantly nods and scoots over to me again. She prods at my hand as it rests on my thigh and I turn it over so that my palm is facing up. She connects our fingers and squeezes softly.

After a few minutes of semi-awkward silence, Hannah pulls out her phone and looks up movie times.

“Drama, comedy, or horror?”

I shrug because I honestly don’t care.

“You choose.”

She scrolls through the movie titles and clicks on one that I can’t read from where I’m sitting. I expect that it’s a sappy love story, which is fine, just probably not what I would choose.

“Anchorman 2 is playing at five. We can eat after?”

I feel my lips curving into a smile, because I was completely wrong. That’s exactly what I would have chosen.

“Perfect. The first one is at the top of my ‘favorite movies’ list.”

She giggles and leans onto my shoulder.

“Ah, so you have a ‘favorite movies’ list, huh?”

I roll my eyes and poke her side playfully.

“Not really. I do love anything with Will Ferrel, though.” 

“Same.”

She grins and nuzzles into my neck. I smile to myself and find relief in how easily she can take my mind off of things. I’m so worried about dad, though. I need to call Allison tonight and see if there’s any way she’ll see him. I hope it doesn’t put her in an awkward position, but he needs to see a familiar face.

After a few more minutes, the car comes to a stop on the curb of an unfamiliar town. I’ve never been to Hempstead, but it’s much more of a town than Old Westbury is. The movie theatre is across the street, but it’s only four.

“Where should we go until it’s time for the movie to start?”

She shrugs and suddenly Joe is at my door, opening it for us. I step out and hold a hand out for Hannah to take. She does and climbs out of the car behind me. People walking on the sidewalk are gawking, probably at the car, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. This is how I felt driving Louis’ car yesterday: out of my element. I search the strip of buildings for a place we can go to and tug on Hannah’s arm when I spot a frozen yogurt shop across the street, next to the theatre.

“I’ll text you, Joe! Thanks!”

She’s practically yelling because I’ve pulled her half way across the road already.

“Slow down, babe.”

I smirk at the pet name and release her hand once we hop onto the other curb, far enough away from the overly priced car for me to feel like myself again. Instead, I wrap my arm around her waist and we walk comfortably with my hand resting on her hip. She leans over and pecks my cheek before I open the shop door and hold it for her. She walks in backwards cooing because I “acted like a gentleman”, and almost runs straight into a middle-aged brunette woman. I bundle my arms around her body and pull her toward me to prevent the catastrophe.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry!”

Hannah turns around and comes face-to-face with a smiling woman who immediately assures her that it’s okay, balancing her yogurt cup safely. The stranger’s happy expression sinks, however, when she gets a good look at Hannah. I instinctively grip Hannah’s waist a little tighter, feeling the tension between them. Then, the man that I assume she is with turns around after accepting his receipt from the young girl behind the register. He has dark hair with flecks of grey and tired blue eyes.

“Hannie?”

I could tell by the way the woman looked at Hannah that they knew her. The man is the only one who seems excited by this encounter, though. Hannah’s entire body tenses and she reaches her hand over to ensure that mine stays where it is.

“Dad?”

 


	18. Chapter 18

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

 

“Dad?”

I freeze the moment I see him and clutch onto Niall’s hand, silently begging him not to pull it away from my waist.

“It’s so crazy running into you here!”

The woman with dad speaks up and I know exactly who she is. This is the woman who is responsible for my family falling apart. She’s the one who’s taking my dad away from me. I want nothing more than to strangle her right now. I hardly glance at her before turning my attention back to dad.

“Totally crazy.”

My tone is flat and I can tell that dad feels a little uncomfortable. Surely, not as uncomfortable as Niall feels. 

Speaking of Niall, how do I introduce him to my dad and his whore of a girlfriend?

“Anyway, dad, this is Niall. He’s my... boyfriend, I guess. He goes to school in the city and he’s from Ireland.”

I don’t feel like lying. Especially because I wouldn’t mind getting a rise out of my dad. I’m just waiting for the flood of questions. _Who are his family? Does he have prospects for the future? Why does he need to go to school?_

Instead, dad extends his hand kindly to Niall, who reluctantly pulls away from me and meets him half-way.

“It’s nice to meet you, Niall.”

That’s it?

“Uh- you too, um- sir.”

He looks at me, stunned by my honesty in the first place.

“Please, call me Arthur.”

Niall nods awkwardly and pulls his hand back, slipping it around my waist again.

“Hannah, this is Fleurette... but I’m sure you already figured that out.”

She appears to be nervous as she grins at me, probably hoping desperately for me to return the sentiment. I can’t, though. I simply acknowledge her once again and stay as close to Niall as I can.

“Hannah, can I- can we talk for a moment privately?”

My dad glances between me, Niall, and Fleurette anxiously.

“Anything you need to say, you can say in front of him.”

Niall squeezes my side gently and strokes his thumb along my back.

“I- well, okay- what happened to Harry?”

“Oh, because you’re one to council me on being faithful.”

I shoot back without so much as a thought. Dad stands there, flabbergasted while Fleurette’s cheeks flush and turn bright pink.

“Even though it’s none of your business, Harry and I aren’t _really_ together. I expect that you won’t tell mom.”

His mouth is gaping in confusion and shock. At this point, I don’t quite care if he tells my mom. I’m about ready to run away and never come back to this god-awful society.

“Sure, if that's what you want. I think you underestimate your mother, though.”

I scoff and take a step toward him, feeling anger course through my blood.

“Really, dad? What am I underestimating? You wouldn’t even know how she acts toward me since you haven’t been around for more than a few days at a time in years! You’ve been off fucking this slut!”

His voice is stern and he grabs my arm forcefully to gain my full attention.

“Hannah-“

Fleurette steps between us and pushes him away and I can’t help but to look around at the other people in the shop. They’re all staring at us.

“No, Arthur, it’s okay. I think Hannah and I should talk alone.”

He opens his mouth to speak, but she shakes her head, her thick french accent filling the room stiffly. 

“Please, I would like to speak to her.”

Dad shrinks back and nods weakly. 

“Okay, Niall, how about you and I go for a walk while they have a chat?”

Niall turns to me, mutely asking my permission and I can’t do anything but nod. I’m impressed by this woman’s ability to calm my dad so easily and I think I at least deserve her explanation for dating a married man, whom just so happens to be my father.

The next thing I know, Niall is following my dad out the door and Fleurette is finding a table for two in a secluded corner of the shop. She waves me over and I plop down in the chair across from her, clutching my purse in my lap.

“So, Hannah-“

She smiles sweetly and it makes me want to vomit.

“Look, I’m not happy to be here and I certainly didn’t plan on running into you guys. In case you forgot, I’m here on a date with a guy who is now wandering around aimlessly with my partially estranged father. Can we just skip the decencies?”

She chuckles lightly and I’m entirely surprised by her cheerful attitude.

“I’m not trying to give you the run around. I plan on jumping straight to the subject at hand. I would just like to explain a few things first.”

She stares at me wide-eyed, looking like a school-teacher who is asking whether you understand her or not.

“Okay, continue.”

I lean forward and rest my elbows on the table as she takes a bite of her frozen yogurt.

“First of all, I’ve wanted to meet you for a long time now. Your dad just never felt like the timing was right. Even when I met your mother, he just didn’t want to make you upset. Secondly, I don’t want you to think I’m after your dad for the money. I’m pretty successful on my own, just not in the way your grandfather would have liked.” 

She scoffs and rolls her eyes. How did she know Grandpapa? She’s just some slut that my dad has been cheating on my mom with. Grandpapa died when I was thirteen.

“Lastly, I really am sorry about how this must all seem to you. From what your dad has told me, though, I think you might be a little more understanding when you hear the whole story.”

How could she expect me to be ‘understanding’ about any of this?

“I’m not making any promises, but I’ll listen because I am intrigued.”

“Okay, it all began when I was seventeen...”

 

**NIALL’S P.O.V.**

 

“So, Niall. Tell me a bit about yourself.”

He catches me off-guard because we’ve been walking in silence for a few minutes.

“Uh- sorry to say that my life is nothing impressive.”

He smiles and shoves his hands in the pockets of his sleek khaki pants.

“Look, Niall. I know what you must think of me, but I’m not like everyone else in that god-damned town. In fact, I’m praying for you to tell me that you’re the exact opposite of that Harry fellow whom my wife seems to love so much.”

I chuckle as a million possible responses run through my head. I assume that with Hannah’s admittance of our relationship, I’m allowed to tell her dad about myself.

“Never met the guy, but I can guarantee that we don’t have much in common.”

Mr. Kensington- Arthur dramatically sighs in relief. He doesn’t realize quite how opposite Harry and I are, but I think that his sexuality is definitely something that is off-limits.

“Um- I guess there isn’t much to tell. I’m from a small town in Ireland and I moved here with my brother and his wife pretty recently. I’m friends with Louis and that’s how I met your daughter. Greg, my brother, actually- uh, kicked me out the other day, so I’ve been staying with Louis-”

I realize what I’ve said and think to myself, ‘fucking hell, he’s probably friends with Louis’ parents.’

“...secretly, though. His parents don’t know I’ve been there.”

Arthur laughs heartily and pats me on the back.

“That’s great. His dad, William, is a complete tool. Hannah said you go to school in the city, though. That’s a far way to travel every day.”

I shrug as we continue to walk down the empty sidewalk.

“I don’t really have a choice for now. My brother lives in Brooklyn and that was pretty close, but it still took a while by subway. I’m pretty used to it. I’ll figure something out.”

Arthur nods and stares at the ground.

“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, but you know I own a few hotels in the city. You’re always welcome to stay in one of the penthouses.”

“No, no. That’s way too much, sir.”

“I told you to call me Arthur. It really would be nothing, Niall. No one stays in those rooms.”

I shake my head frantically. I only just met this man and it isn’t like he even has a good relationship with Hannah, who is apparently my girlfriend. I still can’t believe she introduced me that way. I expected her to have some insane back story ready about how I’m Irish royalty or some shit like that.

“Thank you, but I can’t accept that. I’ll figure something out.”

Hannah’s dad shrugs in defeat and we continue to walk a bit more in silence.

“I really hope they’re getting along.”

His relaxed attitude toward it all is a bit unnerving.

“With all due respect, sir, do you even understand why Hannah is upset?”

His eyes widen in shock, but he appears almost... impressed? I can’t read this man; he’s so strange.

“I do, actually. I just hope that when she knows the whole story, she’ll understand.”

“Understand? How is she meant to understand?”

“Look, it’s not as fucked up as it might seem. Well, okay, it’s definitely fucked up, but...” he sighs and searches for the right words, “I’ll just give you the run-down. I think you’ll get it too.”

I shake my head in disbelief, but urge him to continue.

“Alright, when I was nineteen, my dad sent me to France for a summer businessman’s internship. I wasn’t too concerned with the actual internship. I knew I was getting my dad’s inheritance no matter what, but it was in Paris and I was really just thrilled to get out of Old Westbury for a change. I wasn’t much different than Hannah, in all honesty. She thinks that she puts on a good front, but it’s easy for me to see through that. I can tell how unhappy she is. I get it; she feels trapped.” He waves his hands around, realizing that he’s getting off track, “Anyway, long story short, Fleurette was seventeen and she was going to fashion school. She met my sister, Shelby, at a cafe when she came to visit me and we all went to dinner on the Champs-Élysée. After Shelby went home, it all happened pretty quickly from there. Two weeks into my trip, I was with her every moment we weren’t occupied with our prior engagements. That job and her school quickly turned into just more things that were keeping us apart. We were absolutely falling in love and there was no stopping it.”

His story has striking similarities to Hannah and I, which all scares me since it obviously doesn’t have a happy ending. Not until twenty years later, at least.

“How did you end up with Hannah’s mum then?”

“Well, after being in France for the summer, I prepared myself to come back and tell my parents that I met the love of my life. I knew that they wouldn’t be thrilled about her, but I figured they would be reasonable. The moment I told them, though, my dad refused to let me speak to her. We wrote each other letters in secret and we were both completely devastated. Well, not even a month later, my dad started forcing Charlotte onto me and basically he threatened to take me out of his will entirely if I didn’t marry her and forget about Fleurette. I saw her one last time before the wedding and we parted unwillingly, but neither of us ever imagined that we would see each other again. I never wanted to be an unfaithful husband, even though I didn’t love Charlotte in the same way I loved Fleurette. I learned to love her, but after Hannah’s brother, Max, died, I felt disdain toward Charlotte even though none of it was her fault. I was finally honest with her and told her about Fleurette. At first, she didn’t take it well. Then, she admitted that she was forced into our marriage just as much as I was. We agreed to keep up the charade, but we both dated other people under the radar with no intentions of making a permanent change. When my father died, though, we agreed that when one of us felt that we were so in love with another person that we wanted to marry them, we would divorce. Simple as that. It took me a while to contact Fleurette. She was in a relationship and I knew that because Shelby was still close friends with her. Then Shelby called me one day and told me how unhappy Fleurette was in her relationship. I didn’t even call her. I just flew to France and showed up on her doorstep with flowers. The rest is history. We’ve taken it slowly because Hannah means so much to me and even if it doesn’t seem like it to her, I’ve tried to keep her idea of a family strong as she grew up. I hope I didn’t ruin her completely. I wish I were as brave as she is when I was her age. I want her to know what real love is too, though, you know?”

I do know. I don’t know what to say, though. It makes a lot more sense now. I’m sure Hannah will have a harder time accepting it all, but I think she will think of her dad differently after her chat with Fleurette. Besides, Arthur said that this was the shortened version of the story and I assume Hannah is getting the full one with lots of female emotion and drama.

“Well, I can respect you a lot more now and I’m glad Hannah will know everything. She’s a really smart girl and I’m sure she’ll try her best to understand. Maybe you two can be closer now.”

“I sure hope so, Niall. I can’t be like my father. I won’t let Charlotte ruin love for Hannah. She has this mindset that the only way Hannah can be happy is if she lives the same life she’s so accustomed to but in all honesty, I don’t think Hannah will ever be happy until she lives a _different_ life. I think you can help with that.”

He winks at me with a wide smile and I can’t help but to return it. It’s contagious.

“You know, Niall, if it goes well with them, we should all go to dinner together.”

I force a respectful smile and attempt to be completely amicable, even though I know I have absolutely no say in the matter.

“I think that’ll be entirely up to Hannah. I’m fine with it, though. We were supposed to go to a movie, but I don’t think that’s happening now.”

Arthur nods and we continue to make polite conversation as we walk through the streets of Hempstead, awaiting the OK to return to the two women who could be fighting ruthlessly or could be making amends. I just sincerely hope, for everyone’s sake, that it’s the latter.

“So, Niall. Tell me about your family.”

I know he isn’t asking to pry. This is a conversation that lots of people have with acquaintances. I feel like I can talk to him, though, especially after his shameless story from a few minutes ago.

“Well, brace yourself.”

He chuckles and waits kindly for me to continue. And I do. I tell him everything from my mum dying to my dad’s mental illness. I mention Greg and Allison, but leave out the self-incriminating facts that could make him hate me. If I tell him about what Allison and I did, he may never trust me with his daughter and she’s quickly becoming the most important person in my life.

 

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

 

I send Niall a text message that it is safe to come back before glancing back up to Fleurette in the now empty yogurt shop. She looks exhausted, probably from the tears that accompanied her story. I had put my pride aside and after hearing her side of the story, as well as how dad was affected, I couldn’t help but to feel sorry for them. No matter how badly I wanted to be the resentful daughter, I can easily understand why they have done what they have done.

“I’m sorry for the way I acted earlier.”

She chuckles and reachers her hand across the table to gently touch my folded arms.

“It was completely warranted. Especially when you didn’t know everything. I don’t blame you in the least, Hannah.”

“Thanks. I’m glad I get it now. I feel like I don’t have to be so angry now.”

She smiles and nods in agreement.

“I hope we can be friends. It would mean so much to me.”

I hesitantly nod because after hours of conversing with this woman, it’s still strange for me to think of her as my dad’s girlfriend and it will take some time to adjust to.

“Yeah, we should spend some more time together.”

Just then the bell on the door jingles and we both look up to find my dad and Niall laughing lightly about something unknown to us. I’m simply shocked by their friendly manner. I half expected them to return pouting or walking five feet away from each other. I didn’t foresee this.

“Hey girls. How is everything?”

Dad walks over and leaves a kiss on the top of my head before moving on to do the same to Fleurette. He rests his hand on her shoulder and she leans into it lovingly. Niall pulls a chair up beside me and rests his hand, palm up, on his knee for me to take, which I willingly do.

“Everything’s great.”

I know he wanted to hear it from me, so I make sure to sound as peppy as possible.

“Fantastic. Maybe we can all get dinner together.”

I glance over at Niall and he appears indifferent to the offer, but I really don’t want our entire date to be ruined.

“Can we take a raincheck on that? This is meant to be our first proper date and so far, we’ve hardly seen each other.”

Dad and Fleurette smile understandingly.

“Of course,” Dad seems to have an idea and the excitement on his face is easy to read, “How would you two like to join us and your Aunt Shelby for a dinner cruise on the yacht this weekend?”

I look to Niall and he shrugs in semi-interest.

“Aunt Shelby’s here?”

Dad nods and I really wouldn’t mind seeing her.

“I’d love that.”

Dad turns to Niall next and gives him a questioning expression.

“Sure, I think that would be fun.”

“Perfect. I’ll call you tomorrow, Hannah and we can talk about how to get you guys there.”

I nod and begin to stand up, creating a domino effect as everyone follows suit. We walk outside, waving to the exasperated cashier, who was probably supposed to kick us out long ago.

“Well, I think today was eye-opening and I’m really glad we ran into you.”

I choose my words wisely, but I mean every single one of them. Fleurette is the first to hug me and she buries her face in my shoulder.

“Thank you so much. You’re a brilliant, mature girl and I can’t wait to get to know you better.”

I smile and we exchange final goodbyes. I watch my dad pull Niall into a hug which should have been much more awkward than it was before he turns to me.

“Bye, Hannie. I love you.”

I walk into his open arms and rest my head on his familiar chest.

“Love you too, dad.”

He ruffles my hair and we all wave one last time before parting ways. Niall intertwines our fingers as we walk on the dimly lit street and I rest my head on his shoulder.

“Today was... unexpected.”

“Entirely. Your dad’s great, though. I’m glad I met him.”

“What all did you guys talk about?”

Niall stops where we are, a few feet past the movie theater, and turns to face me. He releases my hand and places both of his on my hips.

“Let’s save that conversation for later, okay? Now it’s time for me and you.”

He leans forward and gently kisses the corner of my mouth.

“I have an idea.”

He pulls back and quirks an eyebrow at me. I grin and drag him down the sidewalk to the Chinese takeout restaurant a few shops down the strip. I pull the door open and wait for him to walk in.

“Why are we getting Chi-“

I lean forward and press my lips to his, silencing him.

“Just trust me.”

He shrugs and we walk into the empty lobby and stand at the counter. We order much more than we could possibly eat and Niall tricks me into letting him pay. We leave the restaurant and I lead the way down one of the side streets that I’m familiar with.

“I really have no idea where the hell you’re taking me.”

I roll my eyes and continue walking with his hand in mine. Finally, we come to a clearing by a pond. It’s dark besides the moon reflecting off of the water and it’s exactly like I remember it.

“I haven’t been here in years.”

We stop and stare at the empty park before Niall points out a bare spot of grass that looks perfect for a picnic. There are a few street lamps, but they’re all a bit far from the actual park so it’s actually easy to see the stars. 

We settle in the grass and pull out our food, which Niall begins to eat immediately. I lay back in the grass, though, and stare at the twinkly sky. I think about everything that has hit me like a ton of bricks in the past week. My parents splitting, meeting Fleurette, screwing everything up with Louis. Niall. I’m beginning to believe that Niall is the most important. I look over and he’s devouring noodles like he hasn’t eaten in days. He must feel my eyes on him because he meets my stare and starts to laugh. I giggle and look back to the stars, my arms folded comfortably over my stomach. Suddenly there are a pair of bright blue eyes replacing the stars and strong arms planted sturdy in the ground on either side of me. Niall hovers over my body and sinks down to rest on his elbows. He kisses my forehead and brushes a piece of hair behind my ear.

“What are you thinking about, love?”

I grin dreamily and hoist my body up closer to his, leaning back on my forearms.

“You.”

Then he kisses my jaw, his tongue slipping out briefly.

“Hmm. What about me?”

Now, his lips are connected to my neck, his teeth nipping at my skin.

“Just how perfect you are.”

My words come out between heavy breaths and his hips lower down to meet mine, our bodies melding together perfectly.

He pulls his mouth away from my neck, blowing cool air on the bruise he surely left behind. I lay back down and he follows, his chest pressed tightly against mine. Finally, our lips are within centimeters of each other and I can feel his every breath. I lean up slightly until his parted lips are on mine and everything finally feels right in the world. I need this. This is what can make up for what Louis and I did. I have to balance it all out. We continue to kiss passionately, his tongue prodding mine gently. I roll my hips up slightly and feel him grind his hips back down. Niall pulls away, out of breath and eyes blown.

“Hey, we still have two dates before things get crazy. I’m determined to actually follow through with that.”

I sigh in exasperation, rolling my eyes playfully. He’s serious, though. I know he is.

“Fine, but the yacht with my dad will count as one and I’m pretty sure we can fit another in between now and then.”

He chuckles and kisses the tip of my nose.

“You’re completely ruining the purpose.”

He moves off of me and lays down in the grass beside me. He lays out an arm and I cuddle up against his side.

“It’s not my fault that you’re so damn sexy.”

He laughs again and wraps his arm around my waist tightly, his hand sliding down to grab my ass.

“Trust me, it’ll all be worth the wait.”


	19. Chapter 19

**NIALL’S P.O.V.**

 

Hannah and I had a great date, even though it was entirely different than what we expected. I told her how much I liked her dad and how I felt able to open up to him. She told me that she was proud of me for talking about my family and was glad that I didn’t tell him about Allison. The thing is, _she_ still doesn’t even know that whole story. 

By the time Joe dropped me off at Louis’, it was way too late to call Allison and ask her to see dad. Besides, that isn’t all I want to discuss with her. I need to know if she saw a doctor.

So, when I wake up the next morning, I make a cup of coffee from the pot Louis had left behind and sit in my room, planning my day. I need to go to orientation at school, but that isn’t until later in the afternoon. I’ll try to bribe Louis into driving me. I feel so bad asking favors of him, but I can always pay him in free weed. I decide that, first things first, I need to call Allie. I dial her number by heart and hold the phone to my ear, feeling a pit in my stomach, empty and nervous. 

“Hello?”

 She sounds busy; probably cooking or chasing after her niece. I hate that she left, but maybe she does need her family. I know that she had become a bit distanced from her sisters in the states.

“Hey, Allie. How are you doing?”

“I’m good, Niall. How about you? What have you been up to?”

She’s acting like we’re simply old friends catching up. There’s so much to talk about and she’s too casual.

“I’ve been... I’m staying with a friend. Greg kicked me out-“

“He what? Niall, I told you to call me if anything happened! That’s such shit!”

I know that if I don’t say something, she’ll just keep yelling and get more and more heated about the subject.

“It isn’t, though. Allie, I fucked him over when I slept with you. I know that, he knows that, and you know that. I deserve all of this.”

She sighs and I know she agrees in a way, but she’ll never admit that.

“None of that gives him the right to kick you out on the streets. How did he know you’d have somewhere to stay? Hell, I didn’t know you had friends that were that close. No offense-“

“No, I’m not offended,” I chuckle lightly, “Yeah, I have some friends, but they don’t live in the city. One of them is a newer friend... She’s, well- she’s more than a friend, actually-“

“Niall, that’s great. Really, it is. Tell me about her.”

I know that she must have sensed the awkward tone in my voice when I first brought her up, so she’s trying to ensure me that it’s fine for me to talk about Hannah.

“Can that wait, Allie? I think there are more pertinent things to discuss. You know, like a certain doctor’s visit?”

“Well, there isn’t much to talk about yet. They sent in my blood out to be tested, but I won’t hear back from them for another week. I’m trying to distract myself in the meantime. I’ve been babysitting Megan’s daughter practically everyday. Sophie keeps me busy.”

Allie’s older sister, Megan, is a single mum who worked full time. Allison watched her daughter, Sophie, every day when we lived in Ireland before.

“Well, that’s good. I’m sorry for bringing it up, then. I’m just anxious to know what is going to happen.”

“I know, I am too. It’s fine. I’ll call you as soon as I find out, though. I promise. Anyway, can you please tell me about this girl now? Let’s change the subject.”

I snicker and run my fingers through my hair.

“Well, her name is Hannah. She lives in this town that’s like straight out of a movie. Everyone is stuck-up and rich as hell. But, she hates it here. Really hates it. I met her through my friend, Louis, who she’s really close to, and now I’m staying in his pool house-“

“Niall Horan is living in a pool house? What has this world come to?”

“Ha. Very funny. No, Allie, that isn’t even the half of it. Hannah’s mum is nuts; she’s forcing her to quote on quote, date, this guy because his family has money, but in reality he’s gay! So they have this agreement and pretend to date, but she’s really with me and, until yesterday, no one knew that. But, I met her dad and his french mistress and everything has been great and all quite exciting.”

Allison can’t stop laughing. She’s gasping for breath through the phone and I realize how crazy it all seems when I say it out loud. I can’t help but to laugh with her.

“Jesus, Niall. You’re really digging yourself a deep hole there. I’m happy for you though. You must really like her to put up with that shit and I can’t remember the last time you really liked someone. Not since-”

“Please. Let’s not talk about her, alright?”

“Yeah- Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

I sigh and push back the hating memories that are attempting to surface.

“It’s alright. Hey, I need to ask you a favor. I know that it’s off topic.”

Allie’s inflection is serious again and she clears her throat.

“Yeah, of course. What is it?”

I take a deep breath and hope for the best.

“It’s dad. He hasn’t been doing well. He- well, he tried to off himself a few days ago and he’s been digressing. I’m going to plan a trip over there as soon as possible, but I was hoping that, in the meantime, you would visit him. Just whenever you can. I don’t want you to go way out of your way or anything, just-‘

“Niall, of course I will. I love your dad, you know. He needs someone there that is close to him. I’ll go over there when I’m done here, I promise.”

I let out a sigh of relief and stand up from my bed. I have to start getting ready if I plan on getting anything done today.

“God, thank you so much, Allie. It’ll mean so much to him.”

“I’m happy to do it. I was going to visit him anyway soon, but now that I know he’s in a bad place again, I’ll make it a main priority.”

“I can’t thank you enough.”

“Stop, Niall. Your family is like my family. It’s practically my responsibility. I have to go, though. Soph just woke up from her nap.”

“Alright. Thanks again, Allie. Love you.”

“Love you, Niall. Bye.”

I hang up with a slight feeling of relief. I still have anxious thoughts toward her pregnancy test, but there’s nothing I can do about that right now. There really isn’t much that I have control over in my life at the moment.

I pull on a pair of jeans that appear to be clean enough and find a t-shirt in my duffel bag. I need to go shopping, because I don’t have many clothes. Maybe Hannah and I can go soon.

Once I’m dressed, I use the restroom and fix my hair before leaving my (temporary) room again. Louis is sitting on the couch, Xbox controller in hand.

“Hey, Lou.”

He nods his head, but keeps his eyes glued to the television.

“Morning. What are you up to today?”

I shrug and slump into the adjacent couch.

“I have orientation later. Is there any way you could take me into the city for it? I’ll give you free green. I have to pick some up from my supplier while I’m out there.”

Louis grins and presses a quick succession of buttons on the controller.

“Well, I do want weed, but I will pay for it and you can just take my car. I’m planning on vegging out today.”

“Lou, you’ve been doing so much for me. The least I can do is let you smoke off me while I’m staying here. Thanks for letting me use your car again. I need to look for an apartment while I”m in the city today.”

Louis pauses his game and leans against the soft cushions, practically glaring at me.

“Why? You can stay here as long as you want.”

I scoff and prop my feet up on the coffee table.

“While I appreciate that immensely, I need to be closer to school. I don’t have a car and it’s a pretty long drive.”

“Dude, we have extra cars in the garage. You can take mine, or one of those, whenever.”

“Doesn’t that kind of ruin the whole ‘your parents not knowing I’m here’ thing?”

“Niall, they wouldn’t even notice. Look, do what you want. If you can’t find an apartment, though, you’re welcome to stay. I can pitch in for a place out there too, you know? We can be part-time roommates and have a place to hang out.”

He pretends to pull a joint to his lips and smiles wickedly. I laugh uncontrollably, resting my hand on my stomach as I try to grasp my breath.

“You’re impossible, Louis.” 

I stand up and walk into my room to grab my phone and shoes.

“Just promise to think about it!”

He calls after me and I return, ready to go. I spot his keys on the counter, exactly where I left them when I borrowed his car last. He hasn’t left this place at all.

“See you later, Lou. By the way, you should shower.”

He flicks me off, returning his attention to ‘Call of Duty’ and I chuckle before leaving the house to head to the city.

 

___________

 

“That should be all for the fall 2013 orientation. Deans and professors will be sitting over to the right of the stage to answer any questions you may have. Good luck!”

I stand up quickly, hoping to make it out of the auditorium before everyone else. There are so many people in here, I feel like I might throw up. Just as I make it to the double doors, I hear someone faintly calling after me.

“Niall!”

I step outside and turn around to find Sam, a guy who I’ve sold to the past couple semesters. He’s one of the few buyers I’ve become friendly with and we’ve even had some classes together.

“Hey, mate. How are ya?”

He gives me a brief hug and we step out of the way of the crowd rushing out.

“I’m great, man. Where have you been all summer? I’ve only seen you like, what? Once; when I bought that O from you in June. Damn that stuff was dank.”

I grin and nod in agreement.

“Yeah, dude. I’ve got more if you want some.”

“Hell yeah! Wanna head up to my dorm?”

I’d much rather sell in the privacy of a dorm room as compared to a crowded sidewalk full of people.

“Sure.”

We walk a couple blocks while Sam tells me about a trip his family took over the summer. We come up to a large, familiar building and notice that right across the street is the apartment complex where my supplier, Zayn, lives. Perfect, I can go straight there after this.

Once we make it to the third floor, I follow Sam to his room and he unlocks it quickly.

“I don’t have a roomie anymore. He graduated in the Spring and they haven’t given me anyone else yet. It’s pretty sick.”

I nod and glance around the spacious room.

“How much do dorms cost?”

I set my backpack down on the empty bed, which doesn’t even have sheets. It’s just a plain mattress. 

“Eh, like four fifty a month each. Much cheaper than any apartments out this way.”

I nod at the reasonable price. I can do that, but I really don’t want to. Dorms are hell from what I’ve heard.

“Niall, man. If you’re looking for a place, you should totally move in here. I can request you as a roommate.”

I smile and start to pull out a pre-packaged bag of marijuana.

“Thanks Sam. I’ll let you know if that seems to be a possibility,” he nods and stares at the bag in my hand, “You want an ounce again?”

He nods excitedly, reaching back in his pocket for his wallet.

“Four hundred for you, mate.”

He counts through twenties and I double check the wad he hands me.

“Thanks, Niall. Text me if you want that half of the room.”

I smile and hug him goodbye.

“Sounds good. See you around. I’m sure we have some classes together.”

He nods in agreement and I leave, hearing him close the door behind me. I make it to the elevator and find my way down to the street where I recognized Zayn’s apartment. I cross over and enter the rugged building. This place looks so rundown on the outside, but inside it’s quite nice. I take the stairs to the second floor and find the door with ’204’ on it. Once, some of his friends were pretty high and thought it would be funny to change the numbers to say ‘420’ but Zayn flipped shit.

I knock lightly and within a few seconds, the door is opened by an unfamiliar guy. I step in after he nods to me and make my way into the living room. When I turn the corner, though, I’m met with a set of blue eyes that I did not expect to see.

“Jessica?”

She’s seated partially on Zayn’s lap, eyes glazed over, from smoking most likely. She looks just as shocked to see me as I am to see her.

“Hey, man. You turned that pretty quickly, huh? Need more?”

Zayn speaks before Jessica can; if she was even going to.

“Uh- yeah, I’ll take five more ounces.”

He nods and waves his friend over; the one who answered the door.

“Mike, get 5 ounces for Niall here,” he disappears into a nearby room and Zayn wraps his arms around Jessica’s waist, “that’ll be a grand.”

I stop staring at them and set my backpack down on the closest empty couch, pulling out the wad Sam had given me, as well as a few more hundred dollar bills. I hand them to Zayn and he glances over to Jess, winking.

“You count it, baby.”

She gulps and starts to thumb through the money.

“How do you know my girl, Niall?”

He sounds as if he’s accusing me of something, but I know that he’s just trying to sound like a dick.

“Just through mutual friends. Didn’t know you two knew each other.”

I might be mad as hell right now to see Louis’ girlfriend with another guy, but I’m also not dumb. If I make a scene, someone will get hurt.

“Oh yeah, been together a couple months now, right babe?”

He kisses her neck and I think I might vomit.

“The money’s all here.”

As if on cue, Mike comes from the room and hands me the large amount of weed. I stuff it in my bag and turn to leave. Right when my hand is on the knob, Jessica’s hand is on my shoulder. I open the door and turn around to face her.

“What do you want?”

She has tears in her eyes now.

“Please, Niall. Just don’t tell Hannah and Louis.”

I roll my eyes and start to turn around, but she grabs my arm.

“I’m begging you. I- just, don’t tell them.”

“What all does Louis know? Because he’s been sitting around for days and hasn’t showered. This explains it all! What the fuck are you thinking?”

I speak in a hushed voice so that Zayn can’t hear.

“He knows I’m with someone. Just don’t tell him who. Please, Niall. Please.”

She’s begging and crying more than before. Whether I decide to keep it or not, I have to promise her I won’t so that she’ll let me leave.

“Yeah, I won’t tell them. But you sure as hell should. Be safe, Jess.”

And with that, I turn around and walk away with an unsettling feeling in my stomach. I have to find out what the hell is going on with her.

 

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

 

I haven’t seen Niall since we went to Hempstead on Thursday. It’s Saturday evening now and I’m putting together the finishing touches of my outfit before an evening on the yacht with Niall, my dad, Fleurette, and my aunt Shelby.

Mom has no idea that I’m going with them. In fact, I haven’t seen her at all today and she probably doesn’t expect me to be leaving. I almost hope to sneak out without talking to her, but since Joe will be driving me there, she’ll realize the car is gone.

I slip on my navy-blue, form fitting dress and find a pair of white sandals that seem appropriate. I spray a subtle amount of my favorite perfume on my wrists and neck before fetching my phone and small clutch and leaving my room.

As soon as I make it down the stairs, mom strolls around the corner, a glass of white wine in her hand.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Great. She’s already in a bad mood. She crosses her arms and taps her foot, awaiting my response. So, I tell her the only thing that will switch her mood faster than a Prada release party.

“I’m going on a date with Harry.”

Just as I expected, her lips curve into a devising grin.

“That’s so lovely, Hannah. Where is he taking you? Somewhere fancy, I hope.”

“Mom...”

“What? He better take you somewhere nice. It’s not like he can’t afford it.”

I roll my eyes and start to walk toward the door, but she follows closely behind.

“Is he outside? I want to say hello!”

I grasp the doorknob and turn to face her, a forced smile plastered on my face.

“No, Joe is driving me to meet him.”

She scoffs and nearly spills her wine. I wonder how many glasses she’s had so far.

“That’s just unacceptable. Why wouldn’t he pick you up?”

“Good lord, mother! Lay off it! It doesn’t matter.”

She’s appalled by my outburst, but I ignore her glare and exit the house, shutting the door carefully behind me. I wish I slammed it, but that wouldn’t have done me any good.

By the time I get in the backseat of the car and the door is shut, I’m already venting to Joe, fed up with my mom.

“She’s so pompous. I don’t understand how her mind works. Who the hell let’s every single thing go back to money? I haven’t seen her all week! We live in the same damn house and she just avoids me until she feels like being nosey! I can’t take it anymore!”

Joe does what he always does. He nods patiently in the small mirror and waits for me to finish. We drive the short distance between my house and Louis’.

“What can I do, though? I’m fucking trapped! I’m just so sick of her and her negative attitude. There’s always _something_ wrong with what I’m doing.”

I sit back roughly in my seat and cross my arms, pouting and feeling quite sorry for myself.

“Well, Hannah. Think about it. Sure, your parents weren’t happy before, but since your dad found someone before she did, she probably feels extremely lonely. You know that she’s all about appearances. How do you think this whole thing is starting to look to her friends?”

“They’re not _really_ her friends-”

“Then you should feel sorry for her! I know it’s difficult to believe, but your mom is a person just like you are; with emotions and problems that she struggles with. She’s probably worried she won’t find someone suitable at her age and maybe she’s right. Maybe she won’t find some rich, respectable guy to swoop in and take your dad’s place.”

Now he’s getting a bit heated. I can tell by the way his knuckles turn white as he grips the steering wheel. I’ve never thought about it that way, though. The way she thinks is obviously beyond my comprehension, but it’s still the way she thinks. In her eyes, her whole world is falling apart.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll try to remember that.”

Joe takes a deep breath and nods as we stop in front of the Tomlinson’s drive.

“Just try to be understanding, honey. Your mom isn’t evil.”

I nod silently and pick up my phone to text Niall that we’re outside. Joe and I sit in comfortable silence for two minutes before Niall appears from the corner of the house. He looks amazing. His khaki jeans are form-fitting and his mint green dress shirt is un-buttoned just enough to make me want to take off the rest. My demeanor shifts dramatically the moment I see him, a bright smile cemented on my face.

I open the door as he approaches and scoot over to make room. When he sits down next to me, the scent of musky soap and his sweet-smelling hair creme subdue my senses.

“You look gorgeous.”

He shuts the door and places his hands on either side of my face, pressing his lips to mine gingerly. I close my eyes and lean into the kiss for a moment.

“You look pretty great yourself. I’m quite impressed by the ensemble.”

He sits up straight and shows off his clothes.

“Why, thank you. I was going to ask you to go shopping with me, but I was already in the city, so I just went alone.”

I flaunt a dramatic pout and lay on his shoulder, allowing his arms to engulf me.

“Well, I’m proud of you. You look very proper.”

He grins appreciatively, squeezing me tightly.

“That’s what I was going for. You know, yacht and all.”

I giggle as Joe begins to drive to the docks.

 

_____________

 

“So, miss Hannah. I haven’t seen you in what; four years?”

I grin across the table at my aunt. She looks great; even better than the last time I saw her and she was younger then.

“Yeah, it’s been a long time. It’s good to see you again.”

Niall is playing with the hem of my dress under the table and my hand is resting atop his.

“Well, fill me in! I mean, you were fourteen when I saw you last. I’m sure lots has happened.”

I glance up at dad as the waiter brings out our salads. He looks really happy, his hand in Fleurette’s resting on the table.

“Yeah, I suppose so. I mean... There’s the obvious ones... I graduated-“

Shelby hums, trying to chew her food quickly to interrupt me.

“About that. I’m sorry again for not being there.”

I was a little offended that she didn’t come, but the brand new Fendi bag she sent made up for it.

“It’s not a problem. But, yeah. Since graduation, I’ve just been... I don’t know, hanging out. It’s only been about a month.”

Shelby nods and it’s Fleurette’s turn to interrogate.

“What do you want to do?”

What do I _want_ to do? 

“I honestly haven’t thought about it. I want to go to school, but I don’t think I’d be allowed...”

It’s awkward with my dad sitting just across from me. I don’t know how he really feels about me going to school or something. I do know that mom hates the idea, especially if I go to the city to do so.

“Hannah, I’d be thrilled if you branched out and went to school. You’d just have to work on your mom.”

That’s something I’ll have to think about later. What would I major in? 

“Niall here goes to school in the city. You know, Niall. I didn’t ask you what school you went to!”

I’m thankful that my dad’s prying answers out of Niall now and giving me a break. To be honest, though, I don’t even know what school Niall goes it. He’s been vague about it this whole time.

“Oh, uh. Just a school -um- downtown.”

Now, I’m really curious.

“You know, I don’t know what school you go to either.”

He pulls his hand away from my thigh and I rest my elbows on the table, facing him inquisitively.

“Well, I go to Julliard.”

 _Julliard?_ As in THE Julliard?

“What? That’s... incredible! Why didn’t you tell me?”

I kind of feel like a fool having him tell me this bit of basic information about himself in front of my family. I don’t see why he’s ashamed of it, though. If he’s ashamed. He’s stiff as a board and pushing his food around his plate with a fork.

“Seriously, you should be proud. That’s a hard school to get into. I’m guessing you do music. What do you play?”

Shelby doesn’t stop eating as she questions him further.

“I play the piano. I just- didn’t want to- I don’t know. I don’t tell people that I play.”

“You must be really good! We have a piano on here in the other room. You should play for us!”

Dad’s excited, which is obvious by the way his smile reaches his eyes.

“Dad... Don’t be pushy,” Niall has his head hung between his shoulders, fumbling with the napkin in his lap, “Niall, can we talk outside?”

I speak the last part quietly and it takes a moment before he nods subtly.

“Please excuse us for a moment. You guys can keep eating.”

I direct my focus to Fleurette, because I assume she’s the one who will tell my dad to lay off Niall. She nods understandingly and I lead Niall out to the back deck. Once the door is shut and we’re leaning over the edge, peering into the still water, Niall takes a deep breath.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Julliard.”

I shake my head and squeeze my body between his and the rail.

“Hey, don’t apologize. I just want to know why it’s a sensitive subject for you.”

He shrugs and wraps his arms around my waist.

“S’not.”

I give him a knowing look and straighten the collar of his shirt.

“Yes, it is. You can tell me, babe. I just want to know you better.”

He stares between us and doesn’t acknowledge me. I lean forward and rest my forehead against his, silently encouraging him to trust me.

“Alright, fine.”

He doesn’t move away from me, but finally looks up and when our eyes meet, I can tell that his are sad.

“Piano... was always something that I did with me mum. I know that sounds overly emotional and just plain stupid, but I don’t enjoy it anymore. It just makes me sad and reminds me of all the ways I’ve failed her since she died. We always talked about me going to Julliard one day. I always wanted to move to the states and it was like this thing we always talked about. And-“ then he cries. Actually cries, burying his face in my neck, “And she’ll never see that I did it. I’m here and I did it. Doesn’t fucking matter, though.”

I rub his back and let him cry for a moment, because I’m pretty sure it doesn’t happen often and we all need someone to comfort us when our emotions get like this.

“It does matter, Niall. Your mom would be so proud of you. I’m sure your dad is and even Greg. I’m proud of you; if that counts for anything.”

He chuckles and sniffles before standing up straight again and kissing my forehead.

“It does. I’m sorry for crying like a baby. I avoided telling you about where I went to school because I knew you’d want to know how I got there and... well, I can’t talk about that stuff without getting upset.”

He wipes tears away from his cheeks with the back of his hand and I wrap my arms around his neck.

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

He smiles and leans in to leave an open-mouthed kiss to my lips.

“I’m glad I have you to talk to.”

I kiss him again briefly and lean back against the railing, pulling his body closer to mine.

“You totally ruined my plan, you know?”

His eyebrows scrunch together and he looks genuinely concerned. I can’t help but to chuckle.

“I wanted to go to school with you, but of course you go to a fancy, elite school that I’m disgustingly under-qualified for.”

He laughs when he realizes that my ‘plan that he’s ruined’ isn’t something quite so serious.

“Well, I think you should decide on a major first, love.”

He pins me against the rail harder and my breathing hitches as he flicks his tongue against my neck.

“I think we can work on that.”

He bites down and wraps his lips around the red mark forming above my collarbone.

“You know you promised to take me on a tour of the city and it never happened.”

He pulls away, blowing cool air onto the sensitive skin.

“That is very true. Tomorrow. We’ll go tomorrow, alright? The day before school starts. I’ll show you the campus and my favorite coffee shop and the park I sit in sometimes and-“

“Well, you’re going to ruin it all! Just take me!”

He laughs and kisses my lips once more.

“Alright, tomorrow. It’s a date.”

I grin facetiously.

“Our last date.”

“Last date? You’re already sick of me?”

I laugh and smack his arm before releasing myself from being trapped against the rail.

“No, silly. Our last date until the five dreadful, sexless dates are up.”

He rolls his eyes, but I can see the excitement behind them.

“They weren’t _that_ dreadful.”

No, they really weren’t.


	21. Chapter 21

**NIALL’S P.O.V.**

 

The rest of our time spent on the yacht was enjoyable. We drank champagne on the deck, laughing and getting to know one another better. Each one of us was getting to know someone new; whether it be Hannah’s father and I, Hannah and Fleurette, me and Shelby. It went well, though, and they didn’t bring up my school or ability to play piano again.

Hannah fell asleep in my arms on our way home and I don’t get back until nearly midnight. I walk inside quietly in the event that Louis is asleep. Only, I find him in the same spot as yesterday, exactly where I left him this evening; eyes glued to the telly and the same filthy clothes on. The place reeks of burning marijuana and cigarettes.

“Lou?”

He doesn’t look away from his video game, simply nodding with an expressionless face and a lit joint between his lips.

“Hey Niall. You’re home early.”

I approach the couch and notice the wrappers littering the floor from junk food.

“It’s midnight,” he shrugs, a bit surprised, “did you eat dinner?”

Beer bottles line the coffee table and he topples an empty one over as he props his feet up, pausing his game to take a hit of the poorly rolled joint. He hands it to me and I bring it to my lips as I get a glimpse of the rest of the room. It’s a mess. I didn’t pay much attention to it today, but it wasn’t this bad yesterday.

“Louis, are you alright, mate?”

He’s sitting back against the leather with pain written all over his facade. 

“Fine. Why do you ask?”

He snarls as I sit down next to him and hand the joint back.

“Because you’re my friend and in the past week... you’ve just seemed depressed.”

That’s a nice way of putting it. He hasn’t showered and I’m pretty positive that he hasn’t had a single sober moment. 

“Well, I’m not. I’m just fine.”

And then I ask something that I probably shouldn’t.

“What happened with Jess?” 

He tries to stand up quickly, but his intoxication drags him down immediately. I rest my hand on his shoulder as he leans over his lap.

“She’s gone and I’m never getting her back.”

I don’t know exactly what reaction I expected, but crying was not one of the options in my head. He sobs like a child, choking from his non-ideal position, his head between his legs.

“Lou, don’t cry. What- why do you think you’ll never get her back?”

I know what he knows and I’m extremely tempted to fill him in on what he doesn’t. However, that would make me a heartless dick at the moment and wouldn’t help anything.

“She’s got someone else, Niall. Someone better than me, obviously. She’s not coming back,” he sniffles and sits up to face me, looking like he’s been hit with a ton of bricks, “I don’t know what I did wrong.”

And then he slumps over again, groaning in what sounds like pain.

“Lou, do you feel o-“

“No- gonna puke...”

My eyes widen and I lean forward, looking for something- anything- to help the situation. My glance lands on a nearly-empty popcorn bowl and I quickly dump out the remaining kernels before placing it between Louis’ legs.

“Here ya go. I’m right here.”

He heaves as I stroke his back softly. After a few gags and coughs, he’s emptying the contents of his stomach- which is mostly liquid- into the red bowl. He vomits over and over until I lose count and start to wonder how he still has anything left to throw up.

“Lou-“

“I’m,” he coughs and dry heaves, “I think I’m done.”

I pat his back soothingly and he sits back, laying his head down on the back of the couch. His eyes flicker shut and he grumbles something incoherent.

“C’mon Louis. Let’s get you to bed.”

He hums in agreement as I walk to the kitchen and dampen a paper towel. I walk back and wipe down his mouth in case anything got on him while he threw up. He lays there motionless though and I contemplate leaving him on the couch, but decide that it wouldn’t be fair.

“Alright, Lou,” I mumble to myself, “I’ve got ya.”

I lean over and lift him into my arms. For a small lad, he’s quite heavy. I watch my footing carefully and carry him like a child to his bedroom. I lay him down on his bed and walk into his bathroom to find some mouthwash. When I return, he’s snoring and still laying on top of his covers. I have half a mind to change him out of his god-awful smelly clothes, but make a mental note instead to make him shower tomorrow. I sit him up and he immediately wakes up; only a little though.

“You’ll thank me tomorrow mate,” I fill the Scope lid with the green liquid and put a small amount in Louis’ mouth, “Swish it around and spit it out.”

He begins to weakly swish it around and I grab a dirty cup from his nightstand with remnants of soda in it to catch his spit in. He spits it out and I set the cup back down on his bedside table before helping him to get under the sheets.

“I’ll bring water for when you wake up thirsty as hell.”

He doesn’t respond; only curls up with his blankets and falls asleep on his back. I gently roll him over so that he’s on his side in case he vomits again.

After filling a glass of water and putting it on his nightstand, I gather the dirty dishes from his room and turn the lights off, shutting the door quietly. I empty the few items from his room into the sink and stare at the wreck of a living room next.

Well, I guess I know what I’m doing tonight.

 

_____________

 

I wake up to the sun beaming through the windows and a pair of familiar brown eyes in front of my own.

“Hannah?”

My voice sounds deeper than usual and I feel groggy as ever.

“Sorry. I was getting impatient. Louis told me not to wake you up, but I was secretly hoping that you would sense my presence and get up on your own.”

I chuckle and hook one arm around her waist, pulling her onto my bed, earning a playful squeal from her.

“Pipe it down, love.”

She scoffs and begins to talk back before I lean up and capture her lips with mine. I wrap my arms around the back of her thighs and roll her on top of me, her legs falling on either side of my body as we continue to kiss, our lips interlocking. Once she is seated on my lap, I run my hands up the length of her body, taking in each curve and bit of exposed skin. Her shirt rises as I continue to feel her up, stopping at my favorite spots to knead my fingers into her skin. Her lips part as I massage her bum, small whimpers transferring into my mouth until we’re both grinding lazily and softly moaning.

“Alright,” she pants and pulls away slightly to rest her forehead against mine, “It would be pointless to break our little agreement the morning of our last date.”

I grin sleepily and nod in agreement as she lays down on my chest. I kiss the top of her head and she scoots over to lay next to me. I sit up and rub my eyes in an attempt to fully wake up. Hannah adjusts her skirt and fixes her hair.

“You look really nice, babe.”

She blushes and looks away from me, fidgeting with her shirt to pull it down.

“Thanks. It’s nothing really. You should get ready, though, so we can head to the city.”

I nod and lean over once more to kiss the corner of her mouth before standing up in my tight boxer briefs. I swear I hear her breath hitch when the sheets fall from my body, revealing my inevitable morning hard-on showing plainly through my underwear.

“Take a picture; it’ll last longer.”

I don’t turn around and the last thing I hear is her giggling before I shut the bathroom door and turn on the shower.

 

 

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

 

Niall disappears into the bathroom, leaving me to smile like a giddy little girl in his bed. When I hear the shower turn on, I roll over and sit up before stepping onto the hard wood floor and straightening out my clothes. I can’t pretend I’m not nervous about tonight. But, there’s no one else on this planet that I want to lose my virginity to more than Niall and I know I’ll regret it if I procrastinate. Still, in the back of my head, guilt is trying to knock some sense into me. Louis and I have kept our little mishap a secret and I have a feeling that one day, at a completely inopportune time, it will come out.

Like the night before our wedding or something. Years down the road, him and Louis with some other guys during his bachelor party and they all get a bit drunk and Louis decides he has a funny story about that one time when he ate out the bride... Yeah, I don’t want some shit like that to come back to haunt me down the road.

I know that I’ll have to tell Niall myself if I want there to be any chance for us to move on from it.

Call me selfish, but I can’t bring myself to add that kind of drama to our budding relationship right now.

I suppose I should have thought about that when I was sprawled out across Louis’ bed, but it’s too late for that now. I have to make the best of a shit situation.

I walk out of Niall’s room with those stressful thoughts circulating, only to find Louis slumping over the dining table. I stroll over and take a seat next to him, keeping my gaze on the side of his face until he looks at me.

“What do you want?”

I’m taken aback by his attitude, but brush it aside, easily able to tell that he’s hungover.

“Someone’s moody,” he rolls his eyes and lays down on his folded arms over the tabletop, “What’s wrong, Lou?”

I rest my hand on his back and he immediately flinches. I pull away quickly and rest my hands in my lap, awaiting some sort of verbal response.

“My life’s fucked, Hannie. I’m just sick of trying to be happy.”

I instinctively reach over and brush a damp strand of hair out of his face.

“Well, that’s the thing. You’re probably trying in all the wrong ways.”

He scoffs and props his head up with one arm.

“And what are your suggestions?”

 I was afraid he’d ask that.

“Well, I don’t know. What do you enjoy besides weed and video games?”

He shrugs and seems to become disinterested when I exclude those two things.

“What about lacrosse? When’s the last time you played?”

He sits back and throws his hands in the air.

“Uh, that National’s game we lost at the end of the season when I graduated.”

“Really, Lou? You haven’t played since high school? You were amazing at lacrosse!”

He huffs and lays back down on the table.

“Look, I have no problem with weed. The few times I’ve tried it, I had a lot of fun. But, you’re letting it take over your life and, with whatever has been happening with Jess, it’s preventing you from moving on. I’m sorry, but it’s impossible for you to move on from a relationship if all you do is get shitfaced and high in front of the TV. Just, get out and do something. Play golf with your dad-“

“I hate my dad.”

“Then, play golf with _my_ dad. Who cares! Just get out of this damned pool house if you have any desire to be happy. You’re just having a never-ending self-pity party here. There’s only so much me and Niall can do to help you.”

He takes a deep breath and nods in solemn agreement.

“Speaking of which, I really owe Niall a thanks for taking care of me last night and cleaning up this shit-hole.”

Take care of him? I knew he was hungover. I’ll ask Niall for the dirty details later since Louis probably doesn’t remember much anyway.

“Well, we both care about you. I can’t speak for him, but I love you, Lou and you’ll always be my best friend, even though things are pretty fucked up right now. Just don’t let it get you too down.”

He forces a grin and it’s honestly enough for me to feel like he’s making progress.

I hear Niall knocking around his room and soon enough, the door opens. Niall is dressed with his hair done and shoes on. He looks perfect in a crisp, short-sleeved, button-down shirt and a pair of tight grey jeans.

“Louis, my man. You showered! I’m so glad!”

Louis scoffs and stands up as Niall approaches. Before Niall can say something else light-hearted and nonchalant, Louis pulls him into a big hug.

“Thank you for last night. I think it really woke me up.”

Niall hugs back and pats Louis on the back, giving me a confused look over his shoulder.

“Anytime, mate. You do realize that I’m the one living in your house for free, right?”

Louis chuckles and sniffles as if he’s trying not to cry and it breaks my heart to see him emotional. It’s so not like him.

“I wish you’d stay longer.”

Niall starts to remind him about the distance to school and how he can’t, but Louis waves him off.

“I know, I know. You two get outta here. I’ll see you later; I’m going to do something productive today.”

Niall and I raise our eyebrows to each other and smile in relief.

“Sounds good, bud. Have a good day.”

The next thing I know, Niall is grabbing his phone and wallet and leading me out to the front of the house, where Joe is waiting patiently. Niall opens the back door for me and I climb in, sitting toward the middle to make it easy for us to cuddle.

“Alright, first off, let’s show you my school.”

I nod, smiling in excitement, as I inconspicuously check my phone.

 

*FROM: Harry

Yeah, you’re good for tonight. Have fun and be safe.*

 

Perfect.

 

_________

 

**NIALL’S P.O.V.**

 

After a long day of touring Hannah around parts of the city that I’m sure she’s never been to, we found ourselves at a pizzeria that my brother and I frequented when we first moved here. Hannah and I finished an entire pizza and sat in the booth for another half hour laughing about the fact that we ate the entire thing and still felt like we had room for dessert.

“Well, where to now, love?”

She looks up at me while sipping her coke through her eyelashes.

“I have somewhere to show you now, actually.”

I cock my head to the side and even though I know where this will all lead, I have no clue where she plans on taking me. I mean, I don’t suppose that she’d be comfortable asking her own father for a room in one of the hotels he owns for her first sexual experience.

“And where might that be?”

“Never you worry, Niall. It’s a surprise.”

She winks and I feel my heart beat a little faster at the prospect of having no idea where I was going.

“Lead the way, then.”

I keep my cool and stand up, leaving a twenty dollar bill on the table and mentally thanking Hannah for not trying to pay. I hold out a hand, which she eagerly grabs, and we walk to the curb outside of the restaurant. She lifts up an arm and fails to hail a taxi.

“Why isn’t Joe driving?”

She turns an adorable shade of pink and squeezes my hand tightly.

“He can’t exactly know where we’re going.”

Now, _that_ , is odd. She tells Joe everything, it seems.

“Are you taking me to some alleyway where you’re going to kill me and chop me up into a million pieces?”

She chuckles and tries to get the next cab with his light on.

“Here, let me.”

I step out into the road, pulling my hand from her’s, and whistle loudly with my hand waving wildly at a bright yellow cab nearing us.

He pulls over and turns his light off. I can’t help but catch Hannah as she rolls her eyes at my success. We climb in and she hands the driver a small piece of paper, without letting me see. He nods and takes off, driving a bit wilder than some drivers I’ve had.

“You really won’t tell me?”

I squeeze her thigh and feel her tense up from my touch, laughing at my whining.

“Nope, in fact. I have a blindfold for you.”

My mouth falls open and I shake my head wildly.

“Nope, not happening.”

 

 

That’s how I find myself standing on an unknown curb in complete darkness.

“I can’t believe you talked me into the blindfold.”

She leans over and whispers in my ear.

“I don’t remember there being much talking.”

And I smirk because, yeah, neither of us said much in the cab.

Hannah grabs my hand firmly, slowly leading me toward a door. It’s an automatic door, and as soon as it opens, a rush of cold air hits me.

“We’re in a nice place. The air-conditioning is on point.”

She laughs next to me, nudging my arm playfully.

“That’s what you’re using to guess? The quality of air-conditioning?”

I shrug and make my next statement very matter-of-factly.

“It’s a key factor!”

She laughs and suddenly stops walking. I hear the ding of an elevator and, moments later, she is leading me into a small box.

“I hate lifts.”

She presses some button and the doors close, sending us up.

“How come?”

“I’m claustrophobic and they get stuck.”

She lays on my shoulder and coos.

“They don’t always get stuck, silly.”

“You better knock on wood, because if we get stuck, I’m not putting out tonight.”

And then she really laughs.

“You really sound like a girl.”

I chuckle and breathe a sigh of relief when the lift finally stops and the doors open. Hannah holds my hand gently and leads me through the doors onto steady ground, stopping and standing there for a moment. She lets go of my hand and I see that she turns on the light. I can’t see where I am, but I can tell that the room is brighter now.

“Alright, I’m getting impatient. Are we there yet?”

She giggles and wraps her arms around my waist from behind, startling me.

“Yes, we are. You can take off the blindfold in 3-“ she moves away from my body, “2,” her voice carries farther away, “1, now.”

I eagerly pull the black ribbon away from my eyes and find Hannah standing in front of me in a polished, marble entryway, wearing black and white laced knickers and a matching top.

And I’m at a loss for words. Honestly, I can only get one out.

“Fuck.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Songs for chapter:**

**Burning Desire (Lana Del Rey)**

**Navigate Me (Cute is What We Aim For)**

 

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

 

My nerves are starting to get the best of me. I’ve been so anxious to have sex with Niall that I haven’t thought about the inevitable nerves. The second he looked at me, self-consciousness and doubt took over and now I’m starting to rethink my tactics.

He’s just standing there, mouth gaping. I take a step toward him and cover myself insecurely. I feel the need to break the uneasy silence.

“Niall? I-“

The next thing I know, his lips are everywhere, hands pressed against my lower back, pulling me closer to him.

“You look so beautiful.”

His mouth moves slowly against my neck and I can feel my pulse lose control. My breathing becomes erratic as his hands trail down to my ass, gripping tightly and kissing me full on the lips. I whimper and finally gather my sanity, allowing my arms to rest comfortably over his shoulders. 

Once my body takes over, it seems to all fall into place; our movements are fluid and suddenly I’m so glad that we didn’t do this when I first wanted to. This moment, right now, couldn’t be any more perfect. After making out in the archway for a few minutes, Niall pulls away reluctantly, pushing me back softly toward the rest of the penthouse. I reach over and flick a nearby light on, illuminating the pitch black living room. Niall examines the room for only a moment before returning his attention to me.

“We’re not about to make love in one of your dad’s penthouses, are we?”

I giggle and swoon internally at his having called it “making love”, not fucking, or just having sex.

“No, this isn’t one of my dad’s,” I consider explaining where we are, but then it hits me, “How did you know that he owned penthouses in the city?”

I start to unbutton Niall’s shirt, deciding that I don’t even know if I care to know the answer. However, he answers me while gently brushing his hands up and down my arms.

“He, uh,” Niall takes a deep breath, obviously wanting to avoid the topic, “He wanted me to live in one of them.”

My fingers stop at the middle of his shirt and our eyes meet.

“What?” I don’t mean to sound upset; it’s a good thing really. I’m just a bit shocked.

“Yeah, but I politely turned down his offer, don’t worry.”

I should have seen that coming, but I can’t say that I agree with his decision. I honestly wish I had thought about asking Dad to help sooner. Niall starts school really soon and he doesn’t have anywhere to stay. Louis wants him to stay there still, but it’s highly impractical and honestly a little awkward, even if Niall doesn’t know that it is.

“Are you sure you couldn’t, you know, change your mind?”

I resume my work of removing his shirt, slowly guiding him back to the bedroom.

“Hannah, I can’t- I can’t accept that from him.”

I undo the last button and allow his shirt to fall open, revealing his solid, flat stomach. I lean forward and press a slow, faint kiss to his collarbone as I push the sleeves off of his shoulders. His shirt falls to the ground and we’re only steps from the bedroom.

“Niall, it wouldn’t be a bad idea. You’ll have to be in the city again soon and if you had your own place, we could...”

I allow my lips to still in front of his as my hands trailed down his chest, my fingers hooking under the waistband of his pants, insinuating the conclusion of that sentence.

“Can we talk about this later? I’m harder than I’ve been in my entire fucking life and you’re just teasing me now!”

If I didn’t know any better, I’d actually think that Niall was mad. I grin and nod my head in agreement. Before I can take control of the situation again, though, he wraps his arms around my waist and presses our bodies together tightly. I gently pull him closer to the bedroom door until he catches on to my subtle directions.

My back hits the door roughly and I gasp in surprise, quickly regaining my thoughts and reaching for the small metal knob.

If Niall weren’t holding me as close to his body as physically possible, I would have fallen through the door, but instead, and strategically backs me up until the backs of my thighs make contact with the mattress and we topple over laughing. 

Once we have scooted up to the pillows, Niall wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close to his body. The mood changes from hot and steamy to sweet and comfortable.

“You know, Hannah. I’m glad it’s happening this way.”

He kisses my forehead and then my lips again. I gently stroke my fingers through his messy blonde hair and lay on his shoulder.

“I am too. You were right about everything. I was too rushed about it all; I was just trying to be the opposite of everything my life encompassed before. I guess I didn’t realize that it doesn’t have to be that way. Like, just being with you and having a real relationship means a lot more than be spontaneous and crazy.”

He smiles at my realization, almost proudly, before rolling over and positioning his body over mine. He grinds his hips down once and grins at the way my eyes flutter shut.

“Don’t ever force yourself to be someone you’re not,” he kisses along my jaw, “because you’re the most interesting girl I’ve ever met.”

I smile and reach up to place my hands on either side of his face, pulling him down for a kiss: a kiss that doesn’t break for what seems like five hours, but not a moment too long. Our clothes have been steadily stripped until we’re both only in our underwear, panting and beginning to sweat.

“I know you want this to be romantic and perfect, Ni,” he kisses my raw lips once more and lifts his head up to look at me, “but I can’t take much more foreplay. I want you so bad.”

He chuckles in exasperation, kissing me with more fervor before sitting up on his knees and pulling down my panties slowly. I feel shivers throughout my body as my hands trail down his sides, stopping only once I reach his boxers. His eyes shift over my body and meet with mine in a moment of intense passion.

“Are you sure about this, Hannah?”

I roll my eyes, but can’t miss the seriousness in his tone. I maintain eye contact as I drag his briefs down.

“I am absolutely certain, Niall. I swear.”

Within a few seconds, he’s kicked off his shorts and is leaning over me to reach the condom that I personally placed on the bedside table.

 

 

**NIALL’S P.O.V.**

 

As I slip on the condom, I feel jittery and more excited than anything; but, I can’t help but to feel like I’m taking away Hannah’s innocence. I suppose I am and there isn’t anything wrong with that when she wants me to.

I consider asking her again if she’s ready, but then I’d just be redundant and annoying and I don’t want to kill the mood. So, instead, I seal our lips together and gently start to push my length into her. She gasps and I continue to kiss her gaping mouth. I try to go as slow as possible to the point where it feels like I’m not moving at all. She’s wet, though- god, she’s so fucking wet. After a few agonizing minutes of pressing in and pulling back, I can’t go any further. I hold myself there and kiss Hannah’s forehead, her cheeks, her nose.

“Are you alright?”

She nods shakily and presses her lips to mine. A tear spills over the corner of her eye and I wipe it away with my thumb.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

I grin and force myself to stay in the same position.

“Are you sure; because, people don’t usually cry when they’re alright.”

She smiles widely and takes a deep breath, adjusting her hips a bit underneath me.

“I’m just really happy.”

Her newfound ease and unforgettable smile encourage me to slowly begin to move my hips back. This time I push back into her in one go, earning a soft moan from her lips. I don’t stop from there on out. I keep a very slow pace and eventually roll over so that I’m fucking into her; but, the pace remains deliberate. We kiss most of the time, but she pulls away every now and then to tell me how good it feels or how happy she is. She makes me pretty god-damn happy too.

“Hannah, I’m- I’m really close, love. I know you aren’t,” we both chuckle and she whimpers into my shoulder, “but, I’ll take care of you; I promise.”

My orgasm is intense and drags on much longer than I’ve ever experienced, but it’s so fucking good because it’s her. I thrust into her a few times to chase the ecstasy, but before I can even regain any thought process, I’m under the covers and between her legs. I put two fingers where my cock was moments before and attach my lips to her clit, sucking and licking greedily until she comes undone. Her legs shake for nearly five minutes after she climaxes and I lick over her and suck any remaining liquid off of my fingers when I’m lying next to her again. She groans sleepily and scoots over so that her head is on my chest. 

The next few minutes are spent in blissful silence; only the sound of tired kisses and a fan fill the room. I wrap my arms around her and nearly feel like crying myself; from happiness, of course. I’ve just never felt connected to someone on the level that I do with Hannah and having been with her in this way, I’m only more confident that we’re perfect for each other.

Hannah falls asleep in that position after whispering, “That was perfect.” I keep her in my arms and try to make myself comfortable enough to sleep. Only, I feel guilty. 

My happiness is undeserved. My dad’s in an asylum thousands of miles away. I really need to write to him... tomorrow. Greg, my own damn brother, is in an apartment on the other side of town, probably trying to forget that I exist. Allison- god, she means so much to me- and she’s scared shitless in Ireland, hopefully not pregnant with my kid. Hell, I’m scared shitless and losing sleep over it, even though the most perfect girl is naked in bed with me right now.

I carefully pull my arm out from under Hannah, making sure that she shifts into a comfortable position. I roll over and slide out of the sheets to look for my clothes. I pull on my boxers and eventually find my pants flung over the couch. My phone is in the back pocket and when I unlock it, I realize that I have four missed calls. 

All from Allie.


	23. Chapter 23

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

 

I wake up with a smile on my face, but as soon as I roll over and discover an empty space next to me, I can’t help but to frown. I let my mind get the best of me at first, reeling through ideas of betrayal and disappointment. There has to be a reason that Niall isn’t here, though.

“Niall?”

I call out with a raspy, tired voice and to my dismay, there’s no response. I sit up and lean back against the headboard wondering what I should do. I glance around the room for some sign of where he went and quickly find a sheet of paper on the table next to my side of the bed.

 

_Hannah-_

_I hate that I have to leave right now, but I couldn’t bear to wake you up and say goodbye. There’s been an emergency and I have to go to Ireland for some time. Please don’t hate me; it has nothing to do with you. You’re perfect and last night only proved that to me more. I’ll see you when I get back._

_Niall xx_

 

As soon as it fully sinks in, I gasp and toss the sheets aside, jumping out of bed. Based on the amount of sunlight peeking through the curtains, it’s still fairly early. I quickly find my purse and fish out my cell phone. There are quite a few notifications, some from my parents and some from Niall. Before anything else, I dial my dad’s number and let it begin to ring.

“Hello?”

Dad sounds like I probably woke him up, but I don’t really care.

“Dad, I’m sorry to wake you up and all, but I need a huge favor.”

He clears his throat and takes a deep breath.

“What is it Hannah?”

He doesn’t sound irritated, but still sleepy.

“I really need to borrow the jet. Can I please? It’s an emergency, I swear. You know me; I’m not just asking for fun. Please, dad.”

“Of course, Hannah. I’ll call in a last minute pilot and you should be ready for take-off in three hours. But, please just tell me what this emergency is. You’re worrying me.”

I find my clothes and pull them on hurriedly while balancing my phone between my shoulder and cheek.

“It’s something with Niall. I don’t really know details yet, but he has to go to Ireland and I want to help him.”

I pull my hair up into a messy bun and look around for anything else of mine.

“Well, I hope everything is okay. He’s a great young man and I’d be happy to help. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do, honey.”

“Thanks dad. This means the world to me.”

“Anything for you, baby. Wish Niall my best with... whatever is going on.”

I thank him about four more times before saying goodbye. Before I call Niall, I text Joe quickly:

 

_TO: Joe_

_Emergency!! Need you to grab my passport and pick me up downtown ASAP. Call me when you’re on your way. Don’t let mom know anything!_

 

I take a deep breath and hope that he can accomplish that without trouble and slide my shoes on while dialing Niall’s number and letting it ring. I almost think he isn’t going to answer, but after a lot of ringing, his uneasy voice fills my ear.

“Hannah, I’m so sorry-“

“Niall, it’s okay. Just please tell me you haven’t bought a plane ticket yet.”

He sighs and I can hear a little background noise, but it definitely isn’t loud enough to be the airport.

“No, I haven’t. But, I really have to go. I wish I didn’t, but-“

“No, that’s not what I meant,” I chuckle nervously in relief, “I’ve got my dad’s jet. He said you can take it and like-“ I don’t want to seem pushy and clingy, but I need to ask, “I’ll go with you if you want. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m here for you and whatever it is, I’m sure I can handle it.”

The line is silent for a few seconds that feel like hours.

“Hannah, are you serious?”

“I’m sorry; I’m intruding. But, still take the plane. I’ll wait for you to get back-“

“No! No, I’d love for you to go. Are you sure about the plane, though? That seems like a lot and I’m sure it’s expensive and all-“

“Niall, please. My dad was happy to help. You can get there a lot quicker that way and you don’t have to spend your money. Now, where are you? I’ll take a cab to you and Joe can pick us up.”

Everything was happening so quickly and despite the fact that there is obviously something wrong for there to be an emergency, I’m getting a rush from it all. I gather my purse and the overnight bag I had packed for our intended little getaway, and hurry to the elevator.

“I’m at my brother’s flat. He’s kinda going, too. If he can’t go with us, it’s fine. He can just catch-“

“Niall! Of course, your brother can go with us! Are you both almost ready?”

I exit the elevator and shuffle through the hotel lobby with my things. I must look like a mad-woman, but it doesn’t really matter.

“Yeah, we’ll be ready in like half an hour or so.”

I nod, even though he obviously can’t see me and a valet attendant runs over to me.

“Valet ticket?”

I cover the speaker of the phone and whisper loudly, “My driver isn’t here; can you hail a cab, please?”

He nods and runs in the opposite direction, flagging down a cab in less than a minute.

“Alright, Niall. Text me your brother’s address and I’ll be there in twenty.”

“You know you’re Wonder Woman, right?”

I blush and climb into the back of the smelly yellow cab.

“Yeah, yeah. Text me the address, babe. I’ll see you soon.”

I hang up before he can delay me any longer and tell the driver to head toward Brooklyn until I get the address.

For the first time since I woke up, I take a deep breath and relax.

This is going to be a long day.

 

_________

 

**NIALL’S P.O.V.**

 

When I get off the phone, I follow Greg back and forth between his room and the living room as he packs enough to stay a long time if necessary. I’m bringing the clothes on my back and the backpack I had when I was with Hannah. Greg is a nervous wreck, though. As he should be, I suppose. I’m just trying to stay calm until we get to Ireland.

“Greg, I think you’re going to be pleased right now.”

He scoffs and throws about five shirts in his bag at a time.

“Really? I doubt it. I’m not exactly in a blissful mood at the moment.”

“Well, I don’t mean it that way; Maybe replace the word ‘pleased’ with ‘relieved’. I’ve just got a way for us to get home quicker and for free.”

Greg stops what he’s doing and quirks his brows.

“This isn’t the right time to be shittin’ around, Niall.”

He rolls his eyes and keeps packing without folding a damn thing.

“I’m serious. My girlfriend, Hannah, asked her dad for his jet and he said we could use it.”

He doesn’t stop this time, but keeps tossing his clothes in a suitcase.

“I’m not taking charity from your snobby, high society girlfriend. I can get home on my own.”

 I reach forward and grip Greg’s wrist, keeping him from continuing his activities.

“Don’t be a git. You don’t know anything about her, okay? If you want to waste a thousand dollars on a damn ticket because you’re stubborn and ostentatious, go fucking ahead. I’m, however, going to get there before you for free and Hannah’s going with me.”

Greg tries to push my arm away, but I hold on tighter until he pushes me against the wall.

“Oh, so you’re bringing her, huh? Does she know how much of an asshole you are or should I enlighten her?”

I push back, but don’t fight him. There’s no point and I’ve decided that I’m going to be the bigger man with Greg from now on.

“If you mean, ‘does she know about Allie?’, then yes, she does. I’ve been honest with her and I’m not scared of your threats.”

Well, I haven’t been completely honest, but the fact that Allie might be pregnant doesn’t seem to be as important now. Greg’s eyes search my face for some sort of weakness, but I hold a hard glare until he pushes me again and walks away.

“Fine, I’ll go with you and that girl-“

“Her name is Hananh,” I interrupt.

“Whatever. I’ll go with you and _Hannah_ ,” the way he says her name makes me wish he didn’t know it, “but, you better hope to fucking god she doesn’t start drama. This isn’t about her, Niall. We’re going to be there for Allie, not so you and your girlfr- Hannah can have some romantic getaway, alright?”

“I know, Greg. She isn’t like that. You’re gonna like her; I mean it.”

There’s a knock at the door and he rolls his eyes, shooing me away.

I pat him on the back, knowing that despite our recent differences, he is really gutted about Allie’s accident. I can’t believe how it all happened.

I open the door and Hannah practically jumps into my arms. I take her things out of her hands and notice the cab driver sitting in front of the flat.

“Is there a reason he’s sitting there still?”

She walks past me into the apartment and I shut the door behind her.

“Yeah, I told him to keep the meter running. Joe will meet us at the airport with my passport. It’ll be quicker that way.”

I place her bags on the couch and she looks around, taking everything in.

“Sorry for the mess-“

She stops me with her lips against mine awkwardly. Well, it should be awkward anyway. The kiss is chaste and quick, but much needed.

“Also, I’m sorry for leaving this morning. It kills me to think of what you must have thought of me when you woke up.”

She grins sweetly and brushes something off of my shoulder.

“It’s fine, really. But, you should know to talk to me next time. I’m pretty good with emergencies.”

“It helps that you’ve got a fucking plane on stand-by.”

Greg walks in rudely and drops two large bags on the ground. Hannah stands there in shock, but she soon recovers and politely walks over, extending a hand to my asshole of a brother.

“I’m Hannah. It’s nice to meet you.”

Greg hesitates, but finally shakes her hand briefly, with an unending scowl on his face.

“Yeah, I know. Let’s just go, yeah?”

Hannah nods and walks back to me. I wrap my arm around her waist and squeeze comfortingly. I didn’t really expect Greg to act so preposterously. 

I gather Hannah’s bags, as well as my own, shooting Greg a nasty glare as I hold the front door open for Hannah.

To my relief, Greg takes the front seat instead of squeezing in with me and Hannah in the back seat of the cab. Hannah directs the cab driver to the private airport, which is apparently entirely separate. Greg miserably sighs and grunts the whole car ride, while Hannah and I hold hands and remain silent. Until, of course, I can’t avoid the whole emergency situation any longer.

“So, what exactly happened, Niall?”

The driver had put on music, so as long as we spoke in low voices, neither of the men in the front seat could hear us talking.

“It’s Allie,” I take a deep breath and pull Hannah toward me so that her head is on my chest, “She was in a car accident in the middle of the night and she’s in critical condition. They put her into a self-induced coma in hopes that she’ll recover without the added stress of being awake and in pain.”

Hannah gasps quietly and squeezes my hand tighter than before.

“No wonder Greg’s in a bad mood.”

I kiss the top of her head and scoff.

“No, he’s pretty much always like that,” I laugh lightly; so lightly that it comes out forcedly, “Thanks so much for everything. He doesn’t seem appreciative, but he is.”

Hannah nods and lifts her head to face me.

“I’m happy to help, whether he’s ever appreciative or not. I’m doing this for you, too. I know how much you care about her.”

I feel a burning in my nostrils and nod silently, telling myself that I simply cannot cry.

As if reading my mind, Hannah whispers into my neck, “It’s okay to cry.”

And that’s what I do. I cry until we stop in front of the airport, and then I cry some more.


	24. Chapter 24

**HANNAH'S P.O.V.**

 

The flight is somewhat uneventful. I fall asleep for a few hours, but I know that neither Niall or Greg do. They're much too nervous about what they're going home to. It kills me to see Niall so broken. He puts on this hard false front, when in reality, he's such a sensitive guy. It's comforting, really, to know that he feels like he can open up in front of me.

In the last twenty minutes of the flight, Greg kindly asks to switch seats with Niall. Niall was skeptical at first, but nodded briefly and stood up, claiming to need the restroom anyway. It's awkward for a few seconds as Greg and I sit silently, and I'm the one to speak first, "I'm sorry about all of this; I really am. I know you've been angry at Niall and I can understand why; but, I think it's very brave of you to put all that aside for the moment. I'm sure she's going to be okay."

I've always been bad at comforting people in situations like this. I remember the millions of things people would say to me when my brother died; but, it never really mattered. There aren't magic words to make a catastrophic situation seem okay. As a matter of fact, most of the things people say at a time like that go in one ear and out the other.

"Thanks and I'm sorry for being an ass when we first met. I should have been appreciative for all of this because you're getting us home so much faster than we could have ourselves. Not to mention; money is tight. So, thank you."

I grin despondently, "You don't need to apologize. I know what it feels like to worry about someone like that. I don't blame you for not caring about some random girl you don't know."

He chuckles a bit, but his expression turns solemn immediately, "I just don't know what I'm coming home to exactly, you know? Like, what if she's just mangled and dying. I don't know if I can see her like that and be strong at the same time. It'll kill me to lose her... to really lose her. I've been such an ass since we moved to the States and I know I don't deserve her; but, knowing that she's out there and okay means everything to me. Even if I don't get to hold her at night and tell her how much I love her, I need to know that she's alright."

His eyes are bloodshot and truly have been since our first meeting, but I can tell that he's on the verge of tears now. I audaciously rest one hand on his shoulder and wince for a moment when he looks my way. He doesn't grow angry, though, instead turning to face me better, "You know what's worst of all? Even if she _is_ pregnant with my brother's fucking kid, I'll be right there by her side, begging her to let me take care of them. God, I sound like a pathetic idiot."

I try not to make it obvious that I'm internally panicking about this whole "Niall might have gotten Allie pregnant" situation, but my mouth instantly goes try and I feel my stomach flip a few times.

"You're not pathetic, or an idiot; you're just in love," I force a smile and pat his back once before standing up, "I'm sure she'll be okay. We'll be there soon. I'm just going to get a drink; would you like something?"

I also try to hide my relief when he thanks me, but declines, because I can't wait to get to a safe, lonely spot and let this new information sink in. I round the corner near the cockpit and hold myself up against the counter.

_Niall might have gotten his sister-in-law pregnant. My boyfriend, whom I lost my virginity to last night, might be a father in nine months. Niall might have a baby on the way._

No matter how I say it in my head, it doesn't get better. Really, it get's worse. So bad, in fact, that I barely retrieve a motion sickness bag before I lose what little food that's in my stomach. I vomit a few times and toss the bag in the garbage, immediately rinsing my mouth out with water and spitting it into the small sink. I try to take a few deep breaths; but, I know it won't help.

What am I supposed to do, though? It's not as though he cheated on me. I mean, I already knew about them having sex, so a baby should have always been in the back of my head. I'm an idiot for not thinking it to be a possibility. Besides, I can't say anything now anyway! We're on our way to Ireland to see if this woman is even going to live. Niall is so broken up about it that I can't bear to make things worse by bringing stupid relationship drama into the mix.

Hell, she could be dying. She could not even be pregnant. If she is, an accident could have terminated the pregnancy. 

The options that would technically cure my problem, make everything seem worse. I could never wish any of that on someone. I'm going to have to suck it up and act like everything is totally fine. I have to be supportive for right now and then, I can deal with the rest at an appropriate time.

I nod my head, agreeing with my inner thoughts, and grab a can of ginger ale from the refrigerator. I open it and retrieve a tissue to wipe away the few tears of overwhelming anxiety that have fallen.

I hope to god I look presentable as I reappear through the curtain to find everyone in their original seats. I smile curtly and sit next to Niall, offering him a sip of my drink, which he accepts. He takes a sip and leans over to press a chaste kiss to my jaw, just under my ear. He whispers quietly, "What did he say?"

I take a sip of the soda, hoping that it will get rid of the disgusting taste in my mouth, and whisper back, quietly enough to not be heard by Greg, "He just apologized about how he acted."

Niall nods and gathers my hand in his, squeezing it lovingly, "I'm glad."

I smile despite myself and intertwine our fingers, just as the pilot speaks over the speaker, "We are now preparing for landing, so make sure your seat-belts are fastened."

Niall pulls his hand away, but only long enough to strap me into the seat, followed by himself. He holds my hand tightly as we begin to descend and all I can think about is how the ginger ale isn't helping and my stomach is turning again.

 

____________

 

**NIALL'S P.O.V.**

 

The ride from Dublin to Mullingar is excruciating. Allie's sister sends Greg a text when we land, telling us that we only have about two hours left of visiting time for the day. By the time we arrive at the hospital, that's down to an hour and I feel anger boiling in me. Hospital visiting hours make me so upset, because people die there and who are they to tell someone that their loved ones can't be there because of the time?

Hannah assures me it'll be okay, though, because then we can get settled at the house and finally sleep a little. I doubt I'll sleep, though. Not with this happening and not in that house. 

I hate that I brought Hannah here. I hate that I have to be here. I hate everything about this country right now.

All I can do, though, is make the best of it.

We pull into the hospital car park and I feel my nerves take over. My skin feels hot and my palms begin to sweat. I try to take my right hand away from Hannah, but she squeezes tighter, bringing the back of my hand to her lips and kissing it comfortingly.

"Megan said she'd meet us outside of the East Wing," he turns his attention to the cab driver, "Follow the signs to the East Wing, please."

I have chills the entire time we're unloading the cab and paying the driver. Hannah doesn't leave my side and it makes me feel a bit guilty for roping her into this mess.

Greg spots Megan immediately and she pushes a large stroller our way. Her face is pale and she has dark bags under her eyes, from lack of sleep, I assume. Greg drags her into a crushing hug, which she returns with unending tears. 

I kiss Hannah's forehead before approaching Allie's sister, because I don't want her to feel like I'm abandoning her now that we're here. When Greg steps away, Megan practically runs into my arms, sobbing into my shoulder and uttering inaudible things. She sniffs and kisses my cheek, resting her hand protectively on the baby stroller, "I'm so glad you guys are here. It's just been absolute hell."

I nod, gulping nervously, unable to think of something to say. Greg interjects before I have to, though, "We honestly wouldn't even be here so soon if it weren't for Niall's girlfriend here," he steps aside and ushers Hannah over, "She got us here before there was even a flight available for us."

Megan cries some more and awkwardly tugs Hannah into a hug as well. Hannah resists for a second, taken completely by surprise, but soon hugs her back.

Megan pulls away sooner than with Greg and I, but rubs her arm gratefully, "Thank you so much,-"

"Hannah; I'm Hannah, and you're more than welcome. I'm glad I could help."

There aren't any actual smiles exchanged, but a few solemn ones are plastered on the girls' faces.

Once she's satisfied with the love-fest, Megan digs through her purse and finds a set of keys, "Go ahead and put your luggage in my car and then we can head up."

I nod and pick up mine and Hannah's bags, following Megan to her mini-van.

"Quite the mum car, yeah?" I budge her shoulder with mine playfully and she scoffs, "Yeah, never thought you'd see the day old wild Meg settled down, did ya?"

I shake my head and open the trunk, stuffing our things in, but leaving enough room for Greg's bag.

Once the car is locked, the four (and a half, if you count Meg's sleeping baby) of us make our way silently and glumly into the hospital. We receive visitor's badges and follow Megan to an elevator. The hospital is dim and lifeless, bringing back way too many awful memories for my liking.

When we reach Allie's floor, Megan leads us to an empty waiting room and sits down, "A lot of family was here today, but they left at least an hour ago. I think it's best that you go in one at a time for now. The doctors don't want her mind to be overwhelmed."

Greg and I nod. I silently usher him to go first. It's only right that he does and he pats my shoulder before rounding the corner and heading toward room 310. When he's gone, Megan stands up and politely asks Hannah to keep an eye on Sophie for a minute while she speaks to me privately.

Hannah genuinely smiles and assures her that she'd be happy to watch her. My heart pounds as I follow Megan out into the hall, out of sight and earshot from everyone. That's when she truly breaks down, constant tears falling and mumbled words leaving her mouth, "Niall, she tried to tell you... she called and... she- she's pregnant."

My racing heart sinks at her words. She practically collapses against my chest and I hardly find it within myself to wrap my arms around her trembling body.

That's why I had missed calls. Had the accident happened while she was trying to call me? I can't live with myself if that's the case.

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I feel utterly useless and wish I could be anywhere but here, "I need to go."

"But-"

Megan tries to stop me, but I pull away and return to the room where Hannah is seated, gently rocking the stroller back and forth, "Hannah, come on. We're going to the house."

She stares at me questioningly, but doesn't wait long to stand up and grab her purse.

"Niall! You can't just leave like this-"

"I can," I turn to Megan and fight the tears and anger that are trying to burst through, "We'll be at the old house and I'll call you tonight, okay?"

She protests momentarily, but nods soon after, "Just don't freak out, alright? Don't do anything crazy."

I barely nod, by no means finding the power to respond. Megan finds her purse and pulls the keys out, "Take my car. Marshall is coming in a bit anyway, so he'll take me and Greg home. Please, be careful."

I thank her and try to soften my expression for a moment. I can't imagine how confused Hannah must be, and I hate myself more for the pain I'm bound to end up causing her. 

I know that no one is out to get me, but everything is crashing around me, and I need to get away.

I just hate that I have to escape to _that_ house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on [tumblr](http://www.harryisproudoflouis.tumblr.com)


	25. Chapter 25

**HANNAH’S P.O.V.**

 

Once we’re driving away from the hospital, Niall’s expression only grows harder. He hasn’t spoken to me or acknowledged me since he talked to Allie’s sister and it honestly has me extremely worried. What could she have said?

“Niall-“

He immediately interrupts me, “Please, Hannah. We’ll talk when we get there. I’m just-“

He stops mid-sentence and doesn’t bother to continue, sighing deeply instead.

I nod, pretending to understand his dilemma. I fiddle with my phone in my lap, watching out the window at the fields and pastures we pass.

After a few more seconds of disappointing silence, Niall surprises me by reaching over and gathering my hand in his. He quickly brings the back of my hand to his lips and kisses it briefly, before resting our intertwined fingers in his lap. “I’m sorry,” he chokes out with no further explanation.

I nod again, this time sympathetically, as I squeeze his hand assuringly.

Truth be told, I’m not aware of many details of his past, but I do know enough to understand why it’s difficult for him to even be in his hometown, let alone because of an emergency.

I don’t say anything, nor do I question him, because I know that the timing is bad. I can’t help but to let my mind wander, though. Niall was devastated before we got to the hospital, but nothing compared to how he was after he spoke to Allie’s sister. What could she have said?

Niall turns the van down a rocky dirt road, lush trees covering either side, and I get an eerie feeling. The pathway is overgrown, but the stones sunken into the earth appear to have at one time, led to a manicured yard.

Niall still doesn’t say anything; but, as we pull up to an empty stone house, the silence almost becomes even quieter. 

I swallow thickly as I take in the vines overtaking the cottage. It’s hard to believe that it’s only been abandoned for a fairly short period of time when it looks like it’s been empty far longer than Niall or I have been alive.

There’s so much I want to say, so much I want to ask; but, instead I hold back like I know I have to. He’ll explain everything in his own time; or he won’t, but either way, it’s up to him. 

He parks the car to the right of the front door. There’s another car parked there, hidden by a protectant cover, so I can’t see what it is. The general feel of the entire yard is just depressing.

“I hate to ask you this, Hannah, especially after everything you’ve done already,” my heart races when he speaks because it’s so unexpected, “but, is there any way I could have a moment in there alone?”

I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I had been holding and nod quickly, reaching over and brushing my thumb lightly against his cheek, “Of course. Take as long as you need.”

He nods, mostly to himself and mumbles a “thank you” quickly before opening the door and ducking out, leaving the keys in the car with me.

I breathe deeply as I watch him walk up to the porch so slowly that it’s giving me anxiety. He pulls his wallet out of his back pocket and fumbles through it for a moment. He pulls out a key and shakily brings it to the doorknob. He stops abruptly, leaning forward so that his head is resting on the small faded red door. The moment seems so personal that I tell myself to look away and focus on something else; only, I can’t help but to watch with caution, hoping deep down that he’s alright.

Or, at least, that he will be.

He turns the key and opens the door swiftly, shutting it behind him just as hastily. I sit back in my seat, reclining the chair just a bit. I don’t know how long he’ll be, but I’m starting to grow tired and if it’s a while, a nap wouldn’t hurt.

That’s wishful thinking, though, because the second he disappears behind that door, my mind races a mile a minute. 

_Is he sad? Is he angry? Is he nostalgic? Is he hurt?_

I’m sure he’s really a mixture of all four; but, that’s what scares me. If he’s sad, angry, nostalgic, and hurt, then god knows what damage he could do.

I sit patiently (not really) for about twenty minutes until my anxiety gets the best of me and I hesitantly take the keys from the ignition, worried as to what I’ll find when I go inside the house from Niall’s past.

 

 

**NIALL’S P.O.V.**

 

God, I’m so fucked.

The second I open the door to my childhood home, memories rush back a hundred times harder than I could have possibly imagined.

I close my eyes as I shut the door behind me and I swear I can still smell my mum’s perfume lingering near the staircase. Every time her and dad went out when I was very little, her perfume filled the house the entire time they were gone. It was always a reminder, whether I cared to pay attention to it or not; a reminder that even though I’d be sleeping when she came home, I would wake up to the smell of her coffee the next morning, along with a plate of waffles and bacon. It’s crazy when I think of it now; the trouble she went through to make things seem okay to me and Greg. Surely, she never slept well after a night out with my drunk dad; but, you’d never know because she was always present and smiling.

I step forward and trace my fingertips along the banister, feeling the dust latch to the ridges in my skin immediately. The familiarity of the wood brings back memories, though. From the time I was little, I would run down these stairs as fast as my legs would allow, and grip the end, where the railing curled, and jump down, swinging on the post.

I didn’t even have to look where I was walking on those stairs; they were just second nature.

I passed the stairs, heading toward the living room where only one couch remained. There were two, but I suppose Ali has the other at her sister’s house. We tried to get as much furniture out so it could be put to good use. Dad has no clue, though, and if he ever get’s out of the clinic, I’ll have to hunt down every last piece we got rid of, so that he doesn’t freak out.

I chuckle when I see the now ancient gaming system sitting in front of the telly, covered in dust and unplugged from the wall. It’s depressing to see the items we used so often collecting dust and becoming useless. 

Still, if I close my eyes, I can see it like it was; like it should be.

I pass by the kitchen, peeking in at mum’s appliances. Her cookbooks line the shelf above the stove, just like before.

I pass by the music room, trying to pretend it isn’t there. I can’t bear that quite yet.

Next, I approach the back door, staring blankly through the half-opened curtains at the large backyard I made so many memories in; mostly with mum and Greg. I feel my eyes filling with hot, burning tears and I bring my hand to cover my mouth as I choke them back.

I open the glass door and take a tentative step outside; but, I can’t bring myself to go any further, so I just sit on the doorstep, elbows on my knees and head held between my shoulders.

I can hear the crickets, and when I look up, the sun is starting to go down.

Our yard is still illuminated, though, and I gaze at the old rickety playground, and the rotting football goals, overgrown with weeds.

I remember mum teaching me how to play footie. Her and I were out here, kicking the ball around when I was six. Dad taught Greg, because dad wasn’t the same when Greg was small; but, mum taught me and it was something I always loved bragging about. I’d tell the kids at school, “Yeah, me mum taught me footie and she’s better than all of you and your dads combined.”

That got a right laugh every time; but, it was true, even if they never believed me. It didn’t matter, because of my mum either way.

I sit silently and reach into my back pocket, pulling out a half-empty pack of cigarettes, retrieving the lighter and a fag. I bring the cigarette to my lips and feel my face grow hot, more reminders of my mother flooding back to me.

I bring the lighter to the shaky cigarette in my mouth, lighting it after a few unsuccessful tries due to the wind.

I take a deep breath and hold the smoke deep in my lungs as I begin to remember some of the not-so-great times; the worst times.

“Hey, I’m not intruding, am I?”

I turn abruptly to find Hannah peeking from around the wall. I grin weakly and shake my head, “C’mere, babe.”

I pat my hands on my thighs and Hannah climbs around me through the door, sitting carefully on my lap. I wrap one arm tightly around her waist and hold my cigarette out to the other side so it’s not right in her face.

“Penny for your thoughts?” She snakes an arm around my neck and rests her forehead against mine.

I take another drag of nicotine, blowing it as far out into the yard as I can, “I don’t know, Hannah. I’m just... contemplating shit I haven’t thought about in years. Everything-“ I swallow thickly, tears prickling my eyes, “Everything hurts.”

She coos and runs her fingers gently through my hair, her expression mirroring my sadness, riddled with concern, “Tell me what it is, Ni. I promise I can handle it.”

I chuckle weakly as my cheeks dampen a bit, “I don’t know why I’m about to tell you this,” I take one last puff of smoke and stomp out the cigarette when it’s only half gone, “but, I will.”

She pecks my cheek as I rest my now free hand on her thigh, “I remember the day me mum told me she was sick. I got home from school on a Friday, and we were meant to go see our grandma in Drogheda. Believe it or not, I was thrilled; I loved going to visit her. Anyway, I got home a little early and I walked into a full-blown fight between me parents. Greg was at work or something- I can’t remember- but, dad stormed out, heading to god knows where, leaving me to tend to mum, who was beside herself crying. When I finally convinced her to sit with me and talk, she got real serious, more serious than I had ever seen her. She said, ‘Niall, you know I love you, even if I don’t say it often enough, right?’ I told her that of course I knew that and it was quiet for a while. Then, she made some tea and started humming this song I had just started playing. It was Tchaikovsky’s  ‘Black Swan’ from Swan Lake and it was one of her favorites. It’s quite beautiful, really,” I sigh in memory, wondering if I would even be able to play it now, “Anyway, I could tell something was wrong by the way she disregarded the fight and the way she spoke so seriously. Finally, I begged her to tell me what was wrong and she just sighed and told me, ‘If you play me that song, I’ll tell you everything, my sweet boy.’ So, I did, of course. I played it clearly and so precisely just for her. She sat in the music room, sipping her tea with her eyes closed, immersing herself in the music like she always did. By the time I was nearing the end of the piece, I was so anxious to know what was going on. I finished and sat quietly with my hands in my lap, patiently awaiting her explanation.”

I really begin to cry as I think back on the vivid memory, “She sat next to me on the bench, her fingers grazing the keys distantly. That’s when she told me. She just said it, ‘Niall, I have cancer.’ She just acted like it was typical news for a Friday afternoon and began to play another song; I couldn’t tell you what it was, because I was too far gone in my own thoughts to pay attention. She played absentmindedly and without another word, I stood up and left the room. She never stopped playing; she didn’t call after me. I started running once I walked out the front door. I ran until I reached this pond a few kilometers down. I stayed there until it was dark out and I grew cold. I walked home, kicking stones and crying, I couldn’t stop crying, Hannah. I felt like I had no one. Mum wasn’t even dead yet, and I felt alone and useless. I was so cold to her after that. God, I was awful. I started smoking, drinking, having sex; I basically did anything that I thought could possibly get someone’s attention. I was such a fucking idiot. She cared so much; she just couldn’t control me once I let everything go. Greg was going through his own form of rebellion and dad was up to his usual shenanigans, only worse with the pills and all. I probably killed her, Hannah. Sure, she was dying, but I didn’t help. What if I killed her faster? What if-“

“Shh... Niall, please don’t say that,” Hannah cradles my head against her chest, crying along with me as I sob shamefully and uncontrollably. It’s too overwhelming being here, just like I knew it would be.

Hannah and I don’t say anything for a while. I just cry, holding her in my arms, and wishing that things could be different; wishing mum was still here. She’ll never meet Hannah; she’ll never meet the man I’ve become.

“Niall, I have an idea,” Hannah whispers after a while, as the crickets grow louder and the stars begin to appear.

I rest my head on her shoulder and hum, “What is it?”

“I know it’s intimidating, but I think I know of a way to make you feel better, more at peace,” she’s saying it vaguely, obviously stepping around my toes so as to not press any buttons.

I glance at her, my eyes red and dried out, until she continues, “I think you should play her song; the one she loved so much.”

I gulp and begin to protest, but Hannah places a finger on my lips, “Just once more. Play it for her one more time.”

I breathe shakily and nod before I can really think about it. It’s the least I can do. 

For mum.


	26. NOT A CHAPTER PLEASE READ

#### hello everyone,

#### so as most of you know, I write multiple stories, thus the reason I take forever to update... this story hasn't gotten near as much attention as my others, and I'm also finding it difficult to write chapters that i'm mostly happy with. I think i'm going to put this story on hold and delete it for now. :/ I just don't have time to write as many stories as I am and this seems like the most practical to get rid of. Thank you for your support, those of you who have read this and enjoyed it. let me know if you think i'm crazy for doing this :/ love you all!!!

#### -S


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